What to do about my work spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My coworker and I are both in long term relationships, but work very closely together. I have long suspected that she had a crush on me (stray comments at happy hours where she would gush about how amazing I was, then blush profusely). I never thought much of it until one point last year. It was like a switch went off, and suddenly I was incredibly attracted to her. She’s called me her work husband, which for whatever reason, gets me even more.

There was a happy hour two months ago that we arrived early to and were sitting by ourselves. She joked several times that she was a cheap date.

I have never reacted to any of this, but I’m only human and wow, this is hard.

After that happy hour, I had to work at a client site out of state for a few weeks and that helped to take my mind off everything.

But I’ve been back in the office and working almost exclusively with her again. The project is very demanding, and we’re leaning on each other a lot for emotional support. Well, in particular, she is leaning really hard on me for emotional support to get through the workday. It feels like the level of emotional intimacy between us has gone to another level lately. We’re the only ones who understand the pressure we are under.

So what do I do with this? During my “alone time”, I can’t stop thinking about the two of us becoming physical. I would never take an action on these feelings, but if she moved first, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to say no. There’s a part of me that very much wants it.

So do I go with it? Or do I find a way out of this?

You start off by saying that you are in a long-term relationship and then later on say that you are actually married. Sounds like you don't want to be married so do your spouse the favor of just letting them go now.

+100
If I were married to a guy who described our marriage as a "long term relationship" and asked a bunch of internet strangers if he should "go with it" he'd be doing me a HUGE favor by letting me in on this so I could let him go. Just ridiculous.

Maybe they've been together 25+ years. He's trying to convey that they have history, longevity and, maybe, too much familiarity.

[Anonymous]

He’s already slept with her. He’s just ashamed to say it.

I was in a similar situation with my gf. Had this girl at work that was a nut, but she was extremely attractive and one day, after a couple of drinks, we went for it.

I realized the next day it was a huge mistake. I never told my gf now my wife, quit my job.

But I was in denial about what I did. And pondered the same questions after about “how to stop it”
8 years later I Told my wife. It was still early in our relationship, she was understandably devastated but we’re working through it. Maybe one day she’ll forgive me cause I certainly have not.

Don’t be dump OP, this doesn’t end well. If you have a conscience it will eat you up inside

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s already slept with her. He’s just ashamed to say it.

I was in a similar situation with my gf. Had this girl at work that was a nut, but she was extremely attractive and one day, after a couple of drinks, we went for it.

I realized the next day it was a huge mistake. I never told my gf now my wife, quit my job.

But I was in denial about what I did. And pondered the same questions after about “how to stop it”
8 years later I Told my wife. It was still early in our relationship, she was understandably devastated but we’re working through it. Maybe one day she’ll forgive me cause I certainly have not.

Don’t be dump OP, this doesn’t end well. If you have a conscience it will eat you up inside

Why did you tell your wife? It didn't help you and it hurt her. Sone things should be taken to the grave.

[Anonymous]

She is the one dropping hints and putting him in a bad situation.

This is a classic harassment situation in which she is pressuring him into something that he doesn't want.

I ashamed that more people on this thread are not supporting him! Don't victim blame!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is the one dropping hints and putting him in a bad situation.

This is a classic harassment situation in which she is pressuring him into something that he doesn't want.

I ashamed that more people on this thread are not supporting him! Don't victim blame!

I am 00:25 poster. I support him 100%. I am convinced that he is a victim of female-on-male harassment.

[Anonymous]

Sleep with her. She could be your soul mate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s already slept with her. He’s just ashamed to say it.

I was in a similar situation with my gf. Had this girl at work that was a nut, but she was extremely attractive and one day, after a couple of drinks, we went for it.

I realized the next day it was a huge mistake. I never told my gf now my wife, quit my job.

But I was in denial about what I did. And pondered the same questions after about “how to stop it”
8 years later I Told my wife. It was still early in our relationship, she was understandably devastated but we’re working through it. Maybe one day she’ll forgive me cause I certainly have not.

Don’t be dump OP, this doesn’t end well. If you have a conscience it will eat you up inside

Why did you tell your wife? It didn't help you and it hurt her. Sone things should be taken to the grave.

+1. I don’t get why people do this. If you feel terribly guilty, that’s your punishment. You bear that burden in silence. It’s not right to devastate to your spouse just so you can feel better about your own mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with her. She could be your soul mate.

She most definitely is not his soulmate. She is a user who is using him. She doesn't love him because she doesn't give a damn about ruining his career and marriage. Selfish is a woman who just wants to get scot free on a difficult assignment and bed a handsome, capable man to go with it.

[Anonymous]

PP here that slept with the coworker and told his wife.

It was eating me up inside and yeah it was dumb in hindsight. I never cheated again and never put myself in awkward situations like that. I grew. But now I feel she doesn’t trust me anymore. And I love her so much. I would never ever think of doing something like that again

[Anonymous]

This is all about the true meaning of commitment, OP ... there would be no point in it if we weren't tested once or a number of times.

Appreciate what you have because it sounds like you're taking your good marriage for granted and your wife.

"Love, HONOR and cherish. it's that simple.

[Anonymous]

Two former coworkers had an emotional affair (which is what you are having).

His wife found out, and started harassing my female coworker. She would send threatening emails, and would call the woman on her desk phone and cell phone (the wife went through the husband’s phone and got the numbers from his contacts list) every 15 minutes all day long. She would wait in the parking lot to berate the woman as she was coming and going. One time, she showed up in the lobby of the hotel where we were having a conference, waited for the woman, and started berating her as we were all heading to the airport.

It got so bad, that senior management had to step in. The man was asked to find employment elsewhere. He ended up going to some third-rate organization no one has ever heard of.

Break it off now, OP. This will not end well for you.

[Anonymous]

Here’s where you find out what you’re made of, OP. Are you able to say no to yourself? Are you going to be the kid grabbing the marshmallow as soon as the adults leave the room?

On that day when she makes a pass (and she’s will), that’s when you’ll learn. I hope what you learn is something you can live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here that slept with the coworker and told his wife.

It was eating me up inside and yeah it was dumb in hindsight. I never cheated again and never put myself in awkward situations like that. I grew. But now I feel she doesn’t trust me anymore. And I love her so much. I would never ever think of doing something like that again

Again, you should have taken it to your grave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s already slept with her. He’s just ashamed to say it.

I was in a similar situation with my gf. Had this girl at work that was a nut, but she was extremely attractive and one day, after a couple of drinks, we went for it.

I realized the next day it was a huge mistake. I never told my gf now my wife, quit my job.

But I was in denial about what I did. And pondered the same questions after about “how to stop it”
8 years later I Told my wife. It was still early in our relationship, she was understandably devastated but we’re working through it. Maybe one day she’ll forgive me cause I certainly have not.

Don’t be dump OP, this doesn’t end well. If you have a conscience it will eat you up inside

Why did you tell your wife? It didn't help you and it hurt her. Sone things should be taken to the grave.

yeah that was very selfish to tell your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two former coworkers had an emotional affair (which is what you are having).

His wife found out, and started harassing my female coworker. She would send threatening emails, and would call the woman on her desk phone and cell phone (the wife went through the husband’s phone and got the numbers from his contacts list) every 15 minutes all day long. She would wait in the parking lot to berate the woman as she was coming and going. One time, she showed up in the lobby of the hotel where we were having a conference, waited for the woman, and started berating her as we were all heading to the airport.

It got so bad, that senior management had to step in. The man was asked to find employment elsewhere. He ended up going to some third-rate organization no one has ever heard of.

Break it off now, OP. This will not end well for you.

Is this for real? The male coworker's wife definitely had issues. What happened to the female coworker?