What to do about my work spouse?

[Anonymous]

My coworker and I are both in long term relationships, but work very closely together. I have long suspected that she had a crush on me (stray comments at happy hours where she would gush about how amazing I was, then blush profusely). I never thought much of it until one point last year. It was like a switch went off, and suddenly I was incredibly attracted to her. She’s called me her work husband, which for whatever reason, gets me even more.

There was a happy hour two months ago that we arrived early to and were sitting by ourselves. She joked several times that she was a cheap date.

I have never reacted to any of this, but I’m only human and wow, this is hard.

After that happy hour, I had to work at a client site out of state for a few weeks and that helped to take my mind off everything.

But I’ve been back in the office and working almost exclusively with her again. The project is very demanding, and we’re leaning on each other a lot for emotional support. Well, in particular, she is leaning really hard on me for emotional support to get through the workday. It feels like the level of emotional intimacy between us has gone to another level lately. We’re the only ones who understand the pressure we are under.

So what do I do with this? During my “alone time”, I can’t stop thinking about the two of us becoming physical. I would never take an action on these feelings, but if she moved first, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to say no. There’s a part of me that very much wants it.

So do I go with it? Or do I find a way out of this?

[Anonymous]

And so the American experiment begins...

[Anonymous]

Do you want to stay married?

[Anonymous]

Do your wife a favor and let her know you want out, before you go with it. You have long suspected somethings up, there's no justifiable reason to not be truthful before you give in. Unless you're a low-life, and in that case LEAVE THAT CO-WORKER ALONE before you blow her life up and she finds out how crappy of a person you are.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your partner about this. You don't mention being unhappy at home, so you need to find a way to up the emotional ante with your long term partner and not mess up a good thing because your work wife is convenient. I'm sure your partner deserves better than that, and if the situation were reversed I'm sure you'd want to be shown more respect than that as well.

[Anonymous]

You don't say that you're married, just LTRs. So dump your girl friend.

[Anonymous]

Op here: I am married, but not unhappy. It’s just that I feel myself getting pulled strongly towards my coworker. I never thought of her in that way until her crush on me was obvious. Work has been a unique challenge this year, and we’re a united front against a lot of challenges. When things get hard, she comes down the hall to my office and we get each other through the day.

[Anonymous]

Are you really serious when you say that you are not sure you could stop yourself if she made the first move?

How old are you? 2? Please...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I am married, but not unhappy. It’s just that I feel myself getting pulled strongly towards my coworker. I never thought of her in that way until her crush on me was obvious. Work has been a unique challenge this year, and we’re a united front against a lot of challenges. When things get hard, she comes down the hall to my office and we get each other through the day.

Imagine her doing all the annoying and/or gross crap that your spouse does.

Everything new becomes old.

[Anonymous]

Imagine her at home without makeup or a shower, pooping. Should help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: I am married, but not unhappy. It’s just that I feel myself getting pulled strongly towards my coworker. I never thought of her in that way until her crush on me was obvious. Work has been a unique challenge this year, and we’re a united front against a lot of challenges. When things get hard, she comes down the hall to my office and we get each other through the day.

Not for much longer . . .

[Anonymous]

Well, you could wreck both your career and your marriage at the same time. Is it worth it? Is she married or just in a LTR? She sounds as though she could be a c---teaser and bring you noihing but trouble.

[Anonymous]

Do you intend to marry you gf anytime soon? If not, I have no clue what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

So what kind of work is so emotionally draining? Are rescuing refugee children from boats off shore?

[Anonymous]

^^sorry, didn't read the whole thread

OP, get a grip. Can you remove yourself from this situation? You are basically risking your marriage. If it's something you don't want to lose, I'd consider rearranging your life somehow. If you're tired of your marriage and want to move on to someone else, it's a different story. The coworker wouldn't necessarily be your next LTR, but it could be entertaining for a while.