Working partners, do you resent your non-working spouse?

[Anonymous]

If I was in OP’s situation, I would damn well make sure the house is clean everyday, he came home to a cooked meal, and I satisfied all of his sexual needs as often as he wants. I would workout everyday, grocery shop, run errands, etc. I would also try to do some volunteering a couple of days a week. I am woman but don’t see how a man would put up with it unless he had a clean home, hot meal, and nightly sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born. that was five years ago. I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home. I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours. This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours. I don't mind my wife staying at home. But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean. We only have one kid and she's pretty good. No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list. This is one of biggest annoying things she does. Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought. It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well. I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE. She does cook, but it's the bare minimum. She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch. She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well. I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living. I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother. I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.

Newsflash: it’s not better for your kid for her to stay home. That’s your first wrong assumption. Check any studies. There are 100,000 out there.

I was a full time working mom and my kids would definitely have been better off if I was at home with them. I was constantly stressed out, exhausted, angry and neglectful. SAHMs who do the job right are more than earning their keep. To suggest that a woman can work full time and do a good job with child care and other home duties is anti feminist, in my opinion, especially as there are very few men who do anywhere close to 50 percent of the child care, housework, cooking, laundry, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so unattractive to have no ambition or purpose in life.

Who raised your children birth - three?

[Anonymous]

OP what does your gut tell you? Does your DH seem happy? It shouldn’t be too hard to pick up clues if not.

I’m curious- What do your friends think? Do you have an active social life? I would be worried that this life choice would make me a pariah simply because of the jealousy this life situation would inspire in others stuck at jobs they hate or those who worked their butts off to gain respect in society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born. that was five years ago. I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home. I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours. This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours. I don't mind my wife staying at home. But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean. We only have one kid and she's pretty good. No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list. This is one of biggest annoying things she does. Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought. It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well. I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE. She does cook, but it's the bare minimum. She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch. She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well. I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living. I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother. I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.

Newsflash: it’s not better for your kid for her to stay home. That’s your first wrong assumption. Check any studies. There are 100,000 out there.

I was a full time working mom and my kids would definitely have been better off if I was at home with them. I was constantly stressed out, exhausted, angry and neglectful. SAHMs who do the job right are more than earning their keep. To suggest that a woman can work full time and do a good job with child care and other home duties is anti feminist, in my opinion, especially as there are very few men who do anywhere close to 50 percent of the child care, housework, cooking, laundry, etc.

NP here. I'm sorry that was your experience. But please realize that some of us are in fields that are very family-friendly, low-stress, etc. I work in a very relaxed environment, and I literally never have to think about work after hours or take work home with me. I also negotiated for a flex schedule when I was offered a promotion/more money to stay. I said, keep the money, I'm working from home one day a week and my hours are 9:30-4:30 every day. I got it. It can be done. I'm fortunate, I'm never stressed and exhausted/angry/neglectful.

And what's more, I would never allow myself to be exhausted/angry/neglectful. I don't know a single working mother who would ever describe herself that way on a consistent basis. Mayyyyybe one bad day here or there, but not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born. that was five years ago. I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home. I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours. This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours. I don't mind my wife staying at home. But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean. We only have one kid and she's pretty good. No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list. This is one of biggest annoying things she does. Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought. It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well. I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE. She does cook, but it's the bare minimum. She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch. She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well. I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living. I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother. I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.

Newsflash: it’s not better for your kid for her to stay home. That’s your first wrong assumption. Check any studies. There are 100,000 out there.

I was a full time working mom and my kids would definitely have been better off if I was at home with them. I was constantly stressed out, exhausted, angry and neglectful. SAHMs who do the job right are more than earning their keep. To suggest that a woman can work full time and do a good job with child care and other home duties is anti feminist, in my opinion, especially as there are very few men who do anywhere close to 50 percent of the child care, housework, cooking, laundry, etc.

NP here. I'm sorry that was your experience. But please realize that some of us are in fields that are very family-friendly, low-stress, etc. I work in a very relaxed environment, and I literally never have to think about work after hours or take work home with me. I also negotiated for a flex schedule when I was offered a promotion/more money to stay. I said, keep the money, I'm working from home one day a week and my hours are 9:30-4:30 every day. I got it. It can be done. I'm fortunate, I'm never stressed and exhausted/angry/neglectful.

And what's more, I would never allow myself to be exhausted/angry/neglectful. I don't know a single working mother who would ever describe herself that way on a consistent basis. Mayyyyybe one bad day here or there, but not the norm.

And by the way? My husband absolutely does 50 percent of the house work and child care. I would never have married a man who couldn't commit to that. That was our plan, even before we were engaged, and we've both made good on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born. that was five years ago. I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home. I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours. This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours. I don't mind my wife staying at home. But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean. We only have one kid and she's pretty good. No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list. This is one of biggest annoying things she does. Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought. It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well. I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE. She does cook, but it's the bare minimum. She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch. She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well. I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living. I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother. I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.

Newsflash: it’s not better for your kid for her to stay home. That’s your first wrong assumption. Check any studies. There are 100,000 out there.

I was a full time working mom and my kids would definitely have been better off if I was at home with them. I was constantly stressed out, exhausted, angry and neglectful. SAHMs who do the job right are more than earning their keep. To suggest that a woman can work full time and do a good job with child care and other home duties is anti feminist, in my opinion, especially as there are very few men who do anywhere close to 50 percent of the child care, housework, cooking, laundry, etc.

NP here. I'm sorry that was your experience. But please realize that some of us are in fields that are very family-friendly, low-stress, etc. I work in a very relaxed environment, and I literally never have to think about work after hours or take work home with me. I also negotiated for a flex schedule when I was offered a promotion/more money to stay. I said, keep the money, I'm working from home one day a week and my hours are 9:30-4:30 every day. I got it. It can be done. I'm fortunate, I'm never stressed and exhausted/angry/neglectful.

And what's more, I would never allow myself to be exhausted/angry/neglectful. I don't know a single working mother who would ever describe herself that way on a consistent basis. Mayyyyybe one bad day here or there, but not the norm.

Hey, overzealous working mom brigade: This post is about a woman who does not have and never wants children. Move along

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let OP enjoy her life. She is lucky to have a husband that does not mind her not working and both of them do not want children. It is THEIR choice! I have a 1yo and pregnant with my 2nd. Both my husband and I work full time. I refuse to quit, because I do not want to sacrifice my career. I can tell you that we’re absolutely exhausted every night, my house is rather messy, and my sex life definitely gone down hill after our kid was born. An hour at the gym every day would be a much welcomed luxury. My pregnancy is high risk, so working out is not an option at the moment. Don’t pay attention to the haters and just work on yourself OP. Self-actualise, have a killer body, clean house, and put out every night. Your husband will never leave you!

Agree!

[Anonymous]

My husband says he does not resent me as long as I 'do stuff'. I can live with that.

[Anonymous]

21:20 By 'do stuff' he means work, not sex.

[Anonymous]

by work, he means raising our DD (I know, I know!), managing the hired help, paying bills, talking to family, teachers, coaches.

Yes PP, 0 - 3 is a CRITICAL time in a baby's life! I so agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so unattractive to have no ambition or purpose in life.

Who raised your children birth - three?

She’s not raising any children, moron.

[Anonymous]

This post can’t be true. Come on! Do you know anyone in theDC area with no kids, no job, and not actively looking for a job? No. Is OP a 23 year old sugar baby and married to her 55 year old sugar dad? Do those couples exist in DC? Fake post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was in OP’s situation, I would damn well make sure the house is clean everyday, he came home to a cooked meal, and I satisfied all of his sexual needs as often as he wants. I would workout everyday, grocery shop, run errands, etc. I would also try to do some volunteering a couple of days a week. I am woman but don’t see how a man would put up with it unless he had a clean home, hot meal, and nightly sex.

+1. You better be cleaning his pipes everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, basically I do everything so that DH doesn't have to worry about anything but his work. All household management, finances and budget, travel and social lives all handled by me. He comes home to a clean and pleasant home (and a clean and pleasant wife, ha!) every single day.

I do volunteer once a week at a women's organization and am usually on a fundraising committee of some sort.

If you are really handling all that, and you remain very cheerful and supportive, I probably wouldn't be resentful. But even with kids, once they are in school, the SAHP better darn sure be pulling their weight. Otherwise, yes, I resent it. There's a reason they have to pay people to go to work. There's a reason people dread Mondays and live for Fridays. SAHPs don't experience half the stress that the go-to-work parent does. They don't have deadlines, bosses, performance evaluations, quotas, bad co-workers, soul sucking responsibilities, or the knowledge that the financial well-being of their whole family rests on their shoulders. They HAVE to keep their job so they don't have the luxury of slacking off. For a SAHP, if they are tired, they can just take a nap. I'm not saying they can do it all day every day, but if you sneak in an hour nap every once in a while, no one would be the wiser. We can't do that. So the house better damn sure be clean. The food better be cooked. The groceries stocked. The love made. There's no excuse.

But if it's been 6 months since the bathroom was cleaned.
DH: What'd you do today?
DW: Some laundry. [That means some laundry was put in the machine and then left for hours after it finished.] Can you move it over to the dryer for me?
DH: Is that all you did?
DW: [Hell breaks loose]