Reply to Working partners, do you resent your non-working spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born.  that was five years ago.  I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home.  I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours.  This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours.  I don't mind my wife staying at home.  But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean.  We only have one kid and she's pretty good.  No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list.  This is one of biggest annoying things she does.  Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought.  It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well.  I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE.  She does cook, but it's the bare minimum.  She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch.  She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well.  I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living.  I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother.  I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.
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Newsflash: it’s not better for your kid for her to stay home. That’s your first wrong assumption. Check any studies. There are 100,000 out there.[/quote]

I was a full time working mom and my kids would definitely have been better off if I was at home with them. I was constantly stressed out, exhausted, angry and neglectful. SAHMs who do the job right are more than earning their keep. To suggest that a woman can work full time and do a good job with child care and other home duties is anti feminist, in my opinion, especially as there are very few men who do anywhere close to 50 percent of the child care, housework, cooking, laundry, etc.[/quote]

NP here. I'm sorry that was your experience. But please realize that some of us are in fields that are very family-friendly, low-stress, etc. I work in a very relaxed environment, and I literally never have to think about work after hours or take work home with me. I also negotiated for a flex schedule when I was offered a promotion/more money to stay. I said, keep the money, I'm working from home one day a week and my hours are 9:30-4:30 every day. I got it. It can be done. I'm fortunate, I'm never stressed and exhausted/angry/neglectful.

And what's more, I would never allow myself to be exhausted/angry/neglectful. I don't know a single working mother who would ever describe herself that way on a consistent basis. Mayyyyybe one bad day here or there, but not the norm.[/quote]

Hey, overzealous working mom brigade: This post is about a woman who does not have and never wants children. Move along [/quote]

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