Working partners, do you resent your non-working spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm all for everyone finding inner happiness, but why does it have to be subsidized by someone else? You mean that OP will never find inner happiness if she's forced to self-support?

It doesn't HAVE to be subsidized by someone else. It only works because the person subsidizing it is happy to, willingly. Personally I hate the idea that a husband is "subsidizing" his wife anyhow. Isn't a marriage a consensual partnership? Partner A brings ABC to the marriage while partner B brings XYZ. XYZ isn't less valuable than ABC just because ABC has monetary worth.

Again, it's not that the OP will ONLY find happiness if she has doesn't have to self-support, it's that self-supporting isn't a requirement for her happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so unattractive to have no ambition or purpose in life.

Are you honestly saying staying home to raise kids is no purpose in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so unattractive to have no ambition or purpose in life.

Are you honestly saying staying home to raise kids is no purpose in life?

Why do people keeping bringing up kids? OP does not and will never have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so unattractive to have no ambition or purpose in life.

Are you honestly saying staying home to raise kids is no purpose in life?

OP DOESN'T HAVE KIDS. DO YOU GET IT?

[Anonymous]

Staying at home to raise kids is purposeful, admirable and difficult. Staying at home when you don’t have kids and volunteer once a week or help a neighbor out when needed is NOT. None is bashing stay at home moms! If OP was volunteering her time every day for several hours a day to helping families (or whatever cause) that would be purposeful. Staying at home doing nothing, but helping a relative for a few weeks or a neighbor once in a while has no purpose. That is why not OP, nor other posters were able to describe what their purpose in life is, they don’t have one. Wasting time without a purpose is NOT a purpose in itself. If OP was going to school just for the sake of learning, or volunteering (with a purpose and not ovcasionally when she stumbles upon something by chance), or becoming a yoga instructor, than that would be a purpose. Of course you don’t need to make money or raise kids to have a purpose in life, but you need to have a long term plan of what you want to do wih the 80 years given to you on this planet. You want to help other? That is a great purpose! So go on and do it purposefully

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Staying at home to raise kids is purposeful, admirable and difficult. Staying at home when you don’t have kids and volunteer once a week or help a neighbor out when needed is NOT. None is bashing stay at home moms! If OP was volunteering her time every day for several hours a day to helping families (or whatever cause) that would be purposeful. Staying at home doing nothing, but helping a relative for a few weeks or a neighbor once in a while has no purpose. That is why not OP, nor other posters were able to describe what their purpose in life is, they don’t have one. Wasting time without a purpose is NOT a purpose in itself. If OP was going to school just for the sake of learning, or volunteering (with a purpose and not ovcasionally when she stumbles upon something by chance), or becoming a yoga instructor, than that would be a purpose. Of course you don’t need to make money or raise kids to have a purpose in life, but you need to have a long term plan of what you want to do wih the 80 years given to you on this planet. You want to help other? That is a great purpose! So go on and do it purposefully

What a narrow view of what purpose is.

[Anonymous]

OP, it depends. DH doesn't slog off to work like I do. Still he brings in income, fulfills the role of the default parent, and takes care of so so many things I don't have to worry about... No, no resentment. We're lucky we can afford it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm all for everyone finding inner happiness, but why does it have to be subsidized by someone else? You mean that OP will never find inner happiness if she's forced to self-support?

It doesn't HAVE to be subsidized by someone else. It only works because the person subsidizing it is happy to, willingly. Personally I hate the idea that a husband is "subsidizing" his wife anyhow. Isn't a marriage a consensual partnership? Partner A brings ABC to the marriage while partner B brings XYZ. XYZ isn't less valuable than ABC just because ABC has monetary worth.

Again, it's not that the OP will ONLY find happiness if she has doesn't have to self-support, it's that self-supporting isn't a requirement for her happiness.

But he is. When someone else pays your bills, that's called subsidizing. Having children is voluntary too, that doesn't change the fact that parents subsidize their children. Bringing XYZ to the marriage does not conflict with bringing money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. So I don't work, so I don't have a purpose? Those of you who do, your job is your purpose in life? Um ok. Fantastic that you are all working such highly regarded, highly impactful jobs that those jobs seems to justify your sole existence. Oh wait, no, it's those kids that give you your sole purpose in life.

At least we have something. And yes, raising a few remarkable human being that hopefully will do good in their lives, is definitely a good purpose. What is your purpose in life OP?

Her purpose is to make her husband happy!

NP here. I would guess her "purpose," or life goal anyway, is to be happy. Frankly, by not having children, she's much better for the environment/planet than most people.

[Anonymous]

better than living on the dole. or having kids while living on the dole in order to get more SNAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Staying at home to raise kids is purposeful, admirable and difficult. Staying at home when you don’t have kids and volunteer once a week or help a neighbor out when needed is NOT. None is bashing stay at home moms! If OP was volunteering her time every day for several hours a day to helping families (or whatever cause) that would be purposeful. Staying at home doing nothing, but helping a relative for a few weeks or a neighbor once in a while has no purpose. That is why not OP, nor other posters were able to describe what their purpose in life is, they don’t have one. Wasting time without a purpose is NOT a purpose in itself. If OP was going to school just for the sake of learning, or volunteering (with a purpose and not ovcasionally when she stumbles upon something by chance), or becoming a yoga instructor, than that would be a purpose. Of course you don’t need to make money or raise kids to have a purpose in life, but you need to have a long term plan of what you want to do wih the 80 years given to you on this planet. You want to help other? That is a great purpose! So go on and do it purposefully

What a narrow view of what purpose is.

I agree with the poster before you.

That poster is describing a life with a purpose. The alternative is just existing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Staying at home to raise kids is purposeful, admirable and difficult. Staying at home when you don’t have kids and volunteer once a week or help a neighbor out when needed is NOT. None is bashing stay at home moms! If OP was volunteering her time every day for several hours a day to helping families (or whatever cause) that would be purposeful. Staying at home doing nothing, but helping a relative for a few weeks or a neighbor once in a while has no purpose. That is why not OP, nor other posters were able to describe what their purpose in life is, they don’t have one. Wasting time without a purpose is NOT a purpose in itself. If OP was going to school just for the sake of learning, or volunteering (with a purpose and not ovcasionally when she stumbles upon something by chance), or becoming a yoga instructor, than that would be a purpose. Of course you don’t need to make money or raise kids to have a purpose in life, but you need to have a long term plan of what you want to do wih the 80 years given to you on this planet. You want to help other? That is a great purpose! So go on and do it purposefully

What a narrow view of what purpose is.

So what is a life with a purpose in your opinion? Being happy, meaning trying to be happy every minute of everyday by doing whatever you want all the time does not count

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, wow, ya'll are harsh! We don't plan to ever have kids, never wanted them. While it's true I don't bring in any cash to the relationship I do feel that I provide support in many ways and I think being a partner means more than what kind of paycheck one brings home. But I guess it's eye opening to see how people really feel about housewives! I appreciate those who actually answered the question and provided some insight.

May I ask how old you are and how long you have been together and at what point you stopped working? I don’t know your finances but you should position yourself to support you/your family in the event of DH job loss, disability, death or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are getting trashed here. I work but I am fine with other people doing what they want.
There is some truth to the saying "Most people work to live but Americans live to work".
Americans are brought up to associate personal self worth with job and career. That is why most of the world considers Americans boring.
All they like to talk about is their work and how many hours they work.
You should move to Europe which is where I am from. People work but they really value leisure time and vacation time. Work is something people do but people don't generally work to feel valued.
There are lots of ways to contribute to society. People who cannot imagine how they would fill up their days without work are showing their own lack of an imagination and probably don't really have much else going on besides work, raising kids, chores. Unfortunately, the general stereotype about Americans has a lot of truth to it and my own family in one of the Northern European countries really pities me for having ended up in the US.

I second this. I’m from a Nordic country and agree with this view. We take pride in working as little as possible. Our lives do not revolve around work like in America. It’s also considered rude to ask someone would they do for a job. Americans take pride in working all the time and being busy. As if that being busy means they are important or more valuable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are getting trashed here. I work but I am fine with other people doing what they want.
There is some truth to the saying "Most people work to live but Americans live to work".
Americans are brought up to associate personal self worth with job and career. That is why most of the world considers Americans boring.
All they like to talk about is their work and how many hours they work.
You should move to Europe which is where I am from. People work but they really value leisure time and vacation time. Work is something people do but people don't generally work to feel valued.
There are lots of ways to contribute to society. People who cannot imagine how they would fill up their days without work are showing their own lack of an imagination and probably don't really have much else going on besides work, raising kids, chores. Unfortunately, the general stereotype about Americans has a lot of truth to it and my own family in one of the Northern European countries really pities me for having ended up in the US.

I second this. I’m from a Nordic country and agree with this view. We take pride in working as little as possible. Our lives do not revolve around work like in America. It’s also considered rude to ask someone would they do for a job. Americans take pride in working all the time and being busy. As if that being busy means they are important or more valuable.

I am Italian and trust I value my free time. I am not a workaholic by any stretch of the imagination, but there is a big difference between working part-time or working until 4 pm and NOT work/take care of kids/ be in school/ volunteer, etc. I am sure in your Nordic country there are my many people that don’t work or take care of kids.