Working partners, do you resent your non-working spouse?

[Anonymous]

*There aren’t many people*

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't resent her because I wouldn't have married someone with a complete lack of ambition. And I would never resent a woman who gave up her career to be a SAHM. But to be young and married and sitting around the house all day is outrageous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are getting trashed here. I work but I am fine with other people doing what they want.
There is some truth to the saying "Most people work to live but Americans live to work".
Americans are brought up to associate personal self worth with job and career. That is why most of the world considers Americans boring.
All they like to talk about is their work and how many hours they work.
You should move to Europe which is where I am from. People work but they really value leisure time and vacation time. Work is something people do but people don't generally work to feel valued.
There are lots of ways to contribute to society. People who cannot imagine how they would fill up their days without work are showing their own lack of an imagination and probably don't really have much else going on besides work, raising kids, chores. Unfortunately, the general stereotype about Americans has a lot of truth to it and my own family in one of the Northern European countries really pities me for having ended up in the US.

I second this. I’m from a Nordic country and agree with this view. We take pride in working as little as possible. Our lives do not revolve around work like in America. It’s also considered rude to ask someone would they do for a job. Americans take pride in working all the time and being busy. As if that being busy means they are important or more valuable.

It's normal for adults to take pride in being self-supporting. No matter how little or how much you work, you ought to be able to finance your own existence. For an unencumbered adult to be financially dependent on another adult is humiliating. I work with lots of Danes and I know that while they don't worship work, they value independence and I can't imagine them encouraging their daughters to be financially dependent on men for no good reason (which young children would be.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are getting trashed here. I work but I am fine with other people doing what they want.
There is some truth to the saying "Most people work to live but Americans live to work".
Americans are brought up to associate personal self worth with job and career. That is why most of the world considers Americans boring.
All they like to talk about is their work and how many hours they work.
You should move to Europe which is where I am from. People work but they really value leisure time and vacation time. Work is something people do but people don't generally work to feel valued.
There are lots of ways to contribute to society. People who cannot imagine how they would fill up their days without work are showing their own lack of an imagination and probably don't really have much else going on besides work, raising kids, chores. Unfortunately, the general stereotype about Americans has a lot of truth to it and my own family in one of the Northern European countries really pities me for having ended up in the US.

It is a rare man in Europe who would agree to finance OP's existence without a good reason (like young children). European men are notorious for keeping their money separate, fyi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Staying at home to raise kids is purposeful, admirable and difficult. Staying at home when you don’t have kids and volunteer once a week or help a neighbor out when needed is NOT. None is bashing stay at home moms! If OP was volunteering her time every day for several hours a day to helping families (or whatever cause) that would be purposeful. Staying at home doing nothing, but helping a relative for a few weeks or a neighbor once in a while has no purpose. That is why not OP, nor other posters were able to describe what their purpose in life is, they don’t have one. Wasting time without a purpose is NOT a purpose in itself. If OP was going to school just for the sake of learning, or volunteering (with a purpose and not ovcasionally when she stumbles upon something by chance), or becoming a yoga instructor, than that would be a purpose. Of course you don’t need to make money or raise kids to have a purpose in life, but you need to have a long term plan of what you want to do wih the 80 years given to you on this planet. You want to help other? That is a great purpose! So go on and do it purposefully

What a narrow view of what purpose is.

LOL. I know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Staying at home to raise kids is purposeful, admirable and difficult. Staying at home when you don’t have kids and volunteer once a week or help a neighbor out when needed is NOT. None is bashing stay at home moms! If OP was volunteering her time every day for several hours a day to helping families (or whatever cause) that would be purposeful. Staying at home doing nothing, but helping a relative for a few weeks or a neighbor once in a while has no purpose. That is why not OP, nor other posters were able to describe what their purpose in life is, they don’t have one. Wasting time without a purpose is NOT a purpose in itself. If OP was going to school just for the sake of learning, or volunteering (with a purpose and not ovcasionally when she stumbles upon something by chance), or becoming a yoga instructor, than that would be a purpose. Of course you don’t need to make money or raise kids to have a purpose in life, but you need to have a long term plan of what you want to do wih the 80 years given to you on this planet. You want to help other? That is a great purpose! So go on and do it purposefully

Why do you need a purpose? You really think your "purpose" means anything when you are dead. Who are you do judge what someone should do with their life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't resent her because I wouldn't have married someone with a complete lack of ambition. And I would never resent a woman who gave up her career to be a SAHM. But to be young and married and sitting around the house all day is outrageous.

Why is is outrageous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Staying at home to raise kids is purposeful, admirable and difficult. Staying at home when you don’t have kids and volunteer once a week or help a neighbor out when needed is NOT. None is bashing stay at home moms! If OP was volunteering her time every day for several hours a day to helping families (or whatever cause) that would be purposeful. Staying at home doing nothing, but helping a relative for a few weeks or a neighbor once in a while has no purpose. That is why not OP, nor other posters were able to describe what their purpose in life is, they don’t have one. Wasting time without a purpose is NOT a purpose in itself. If OP was going to school just for the sake of learning, or volunteering (with a purpose and not ovcasionally when she stumbles upon something by chance), or becoming a yoga instructor, than that would be a purpose. Of course you don’t need to make money or raise kids to have a purpose in life, but you need to have a long term plan of what you want to do wih the 80 years given to you on this planet. You want to help other? That is a great purpose! So go on and do it purposefully

Why do you need a purpose? You really think your "purpose" means anything when you are dead. Who are you do judge what someone should do with their life?

Great! So let’s just sit around until we die! Let’s not create anything, let’s not work for anything, let’s never have a plan, let’s use (waste) these few years doing absolutely nothing and work towards nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Staying at home to raise kids is purposeful, admirable and difficult. Staying at home when you don’t have kids and volunteer once a week or help a neighbor out when needed is NOT. None is bashing stay at home moms! If OP was volunteering her time every day for several hours a day to helping families (or whatever cause) that would be purposeful. Staying at home doing nothing, but helping a relative for a few weeks or a neighbor once in a while has no purpose. That is why not OP, nor other posters were able to describe what their purpose in life is, they don’t have one. Wasting time without a purpose is NOT a purpose in itself. If OP was going to school just for the sake of learning, or volunteering (with a purpose and not ovcasionally when she stumbles upon something by chance), or becoming a yoga instructor, than that would be a purpose. Of course you don’t need to make money or raise kids to have a purpose in life, but you need to have a long term plan of what you want to do wih the 80 years given to you on this planet. You want to help other? That is a great purpose! So go on and do it purposefully

What a narrow view of what purpose is.

LOL. I know!

Please enlighten me, what is a purpose to you? You still have not answered because you have NO answer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
We are legal non-White, non-Christian immigrants and came to this country with PhDs in STEM and Humanities. DH had a job offer in hand and I had to reinvent myself here. I also went into STEM field here and went to work for a number of years. Due to an appalling lack of quality childcare, maternity leave, parental leave, unequal pay and the glass and bamboo ceiling, I found it easy to quit the workplace and raise my kids by being a SAHM (whatever this strange term means in this country).

My DH is not so stupid or misogynistic or ill-bred to think that we are anything but equal partners. This must be an American WOHD (Work Out of Home Dad) syndrome. Unique to this country where lazy and unused gray cells abound.

I weep for your daily tragedy of staying in the country you so obviously despise.

:lol: Sweetheart, look around you and see the state this country is in. Your students are being shot and killed in their schools, your women are getting their p&ssy grabbed by a dotard ruler. Russians, gerrymandering, NRA, 1%ers and alt-right control this country. I think most Americans despise their own country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't resent her because I wouldn't have married someone with a complete lack of ambition. And I would never resent a woman who gave up her career to be a SAHM. But to be young and married and sitting around the house all day is outrageous.

Why is is outrageous?

Because there is no reason for one adult to be completely dependent on another financially without a good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
We are legal non-White, non-Christian immigrants and came to this country with PhDs in STEM and Humanities. DH had a job offer in hand and I had to reinvent myself here. I also went into STEM field here and went to work for a number of years. Due to an appalling lack of quality childcare, maternity leave, parental leave, unequal pay and the glass and bamboo ceiling, I found it easy to quit the workplace and raise my kids by being a SAHM (whatever this strange term means in this country).

My DH is not so stupid or misogynistic or ill-bred to think that we are anything but equal partners. This must be an American WOHD (Work Out of Home Dad) syndrome. Unique to this country where lazy and unused gray cells abound.

I weep for your daily tragedy of staying in the country you so obviously despise.

:lol: Sweetheart, look around you and see the state this country is in. Your students are being shot and killed in their schools, your women are getting their p&ssy grabbed by a dotard ruler. Russians, gerrymandering, NRA, 1%ers and alt-right control this country. I think most Americans despise their own country.

Yet here you are, like a true glutton for punishment. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
We are legal non-White, non-Christian immigrants and came to this country with PhDs in STEM and Humanities. DH had a job offer in hand and I had to reinvent myself here. I also went into STEM field here and went to work for a number of years. Due to an appalling lack of quality childcare, maternity leave, parental leave, unequal pay and the glass and bamboo ceiling, I found it easy to quit the workplace and raise my kids by being a SAHM (whatever this strange term means in this country).

My DH is not so stupid or misogynistic or ill-bred to think that we are anything but equal partners. This must be an American WOHD (Work Out of Home Dad) syndrome. Unique to this country where lazy and unused gray cells abound.

See, folks, this is how Indian immigrants actually view their hosts.