Working partners, do you resent your non-working spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LMAO “stay at home wife.” No kids? Lady. Get a job. You’re a joke.

If kids aren't part of the equation then DH will only be resentful if wife doesn't have a rockin body, is cheating, and/or spending the household into oblivion. A man's worst nightmare is marrying a shiftless lazy wildebeest.

[Anonymous]

My husband does not resent me being home with no kids. I've done and do my share. If he did have a problem with it, he's free to go and find someone more suitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on what you do all day.

OP, do you just focus on leisure time, or are you working to create a maintain a nice home life for you and your husband?

Do you volunteer in a significant way/contribute to society?

OP here, basically I do everything so that DH doesn't have to worry about anything but his work. All household management, finances and budget, travel and social lives all handled by me. He comes home to a clean and pleasant home (and a clean and pleasant wife, ha!) every single day.

I do volunteer once a week at a women's organization and am usually on a fundraising committee of some sort.

So basically, you do what most child-free singles manage to do after work or on weekends, but on someone else's dime.

He doesn't resent you because he knows he can trade up or cheat any time because you contribute nothing and are at his mercy.

Upside, you won't bore him about your day at the dinner table because there's nothing to your day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, wow, ya'll are harsh! We don't plan to ever have kids, never wanted them. While it's true I don't bring in any cash to the relationship I do feel that I provide support in many ways and I think being a partner means more than what kind of paycheck one brings home. But I guess it's eye opening to see how people really feel about housewives! I appreciate those who actually answered the question and provided some insight.

I agree that some people are unduly harsh, but I think you have a pretty sweet setup and it’s not really worth the effort here to explain to folks that you keep a clean home without work or kids. One of the drawbacks of that lifestyle is probably the constant worry that you’re bringing enough to the table. At least that’s what I’d fear in your shoes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife looks after our 3 kids all day. That is WAY harder than my job.

I don’t know how she does it.

\

Truth. It isn't not working.

[Anonymous]

Stop maligning OP.
OP stop bragging.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the main issue would necessarily be if your SO is resentful but more around what you would do if you ever divorce (hard to launch a career later in life) and the loss of your identity if your only purpose in life is to make his life easier. I just can't get my head around that being a fulfilling personal choice (but, of course, all people are different - so it might be for you). It's not that hard to keep a house without kids - why don't you want to work or get more involved than once a week volunteering?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a sweet deal, at least for now. I would be concerned about the dynamics switching and losing too many years outside of the workforce should you grow apart over time. Alimony doesn’t last the way it used to and you wouldn’t have child support. Hopefully you have a high sex drive and are nearly always willing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife looks after our 3 kids all day. That is WAY harder than my job.

I don’t know how she does it.

Same here. Being alone with my kids for one half of one weekend day is more exhausting than a 12 hour day at my job, hands down. I am impressed by her, actually - I could not do it.

[Anonymous]

Op, some people don't care about $, some people do. Which one is your DH, you know him best!

[Anonymous]

What do you do all day?? It just doesn't seem like there's any possible way you could stay any semblance of busy running a "household" of 2 adults. Aren't you bored?

I'm not in this situation but yes, I would resent it. Completely different story if kids are involved, obviously

[Anonymous]

In your situation, honestly, yes I'd resent it that you are not working or taking care of kids or elderly parents or even volunteering that often. What on earth do you do all day? If you were doing something at all worthwhile or meaningful outside of just taking care of the household, fine. But it sounds like you are not, don't intend to. Aren't you incredibly bored with your life? Are you at least doing something creative--writing, painting, photography? Cooking great meals? I just can't see how you could be content having so little going on in your life.

[Anonymous]

What bothered me when DW was a SAHW was the sense that when I got home at night, and on weekends she was "done" - she had spent all week with the kids, and was taking the weekend off from kid duty. That gave her plenty of time on weekends. But...I was at work all day, and then dealing with kids at night and all weekend. I felt like I had no time just to do my thing.

We talked about it and fixed it -but watch that dynamic with your partner.

[Anonymous]

My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born. that was five years ago. I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home. I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours. This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours. I don't mind my wife staying at home. But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean. We only have one kid and she's pretty good. No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list. This is one of biggest annoying things she does. Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought. It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well. I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE. She does cook, but it's the bare minimum. She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch. She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well. I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living. I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother. I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.

[Anonymous]

I was stuck with a stay at home wife for a decade before we even had kids. Never would have married her if I had known how lazy she was.