Working partners, do you resent your non-working spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born. that was five years ago. I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home. I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours. This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours. I don't mind my wife staying at home. But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean. We only have one kid and she's pretty good. No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list. This is one of biggest annoying things she does. Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought. It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well. I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE. She does cook, but it's the bare minimum. She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch. She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well. I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living. I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother. I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.

I am a woman, and I agree with you here. I don't think that many people care if their spouse is working equally as hard, but I think most people want to feel cared for and appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born. that was five years ago. I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home. I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours. This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours. I don't mind my wife staying at home. But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean. We only have one kid and she's pretty good. No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list. This is one of biggest annoying things she does. Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought. It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well. I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE. She does cook, but it's the bare minimum. She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch. She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well. I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living. I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother. I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.

Newsflash: it’s not better for your kid for her to stay home. That’s your first wrong assumption. Check any studies. There are 100,000 out there.

[Anonymous]

I’m a high earning woman of a guy who did entrepreneurial things which never worked out, then became disabled, in his mind because he doesn’t qualify for disability based on his condition, but claims he can’t work. Our kids are grown, but like PP, I wouldn’t be resentful if I came home to a well run household. He doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, ruins my laundry and is functionally incompetent. Oh and somehow he found it amusing to play footsie with a divorcée while I was working my ass off. Yes I’m resentful.

[Anonymous]

When DH was out of work and figuring out what he was going to do with his life, I was not resentful. I was a little nervous but figured I would give him a year. It helped that DH was productive each day while he was out of work.

[Anonymous]

I would feel bad for OP. What is the meaning of her life? Seriously... I don’t know anyone like her. Maybe she is depressed? Low self esteem? Maybe never went to school? I can’t believe anyone would be happy and fulfilled just doing nothing. I work FT and have 2 kids. I agree that taking care or small kids is much harder than working 10 hours a day. I truly admire moms that manage to do that, clean their house, cook etc. I do none of those things during the week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high earning woman of a guy who did entrepreneurial things which never worked out, then became disabled, in his mind because he doesn’t qualify for disability based on his condition, but claims he can’t work. Our kids are grown, but like PP, I wouldn’t be resentful if I came home to a well run household. He doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, ruins my laundry and is functionally incompetent. Oh and somehow he found it amusing to play footsie with a divorcée while I was working my ass off. Yes I’m resentful.

Why are you still with him???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband does not resent me being home with no kids. I've done and do my share. If he did have a problem with it, he's free to go and find someone more suitable.

Unless your home is literally a mansion or an estate that requires groundskeepers and staff, you didn't "do your share." You enjoyed your life, which is great, and if he's fine with it, cool, but you didn't "do your share."

[Anonymous]

It’s so unattractive to have no ambition or purpose in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was stuck with a stay at home wife for a decade before we even had kids. Never would have married her if I had known how lazy she was.

You and me both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel bad for OP. What is the meaning of her life? Seriously... I don’t know anyone like her. Maybe she is depressed? Low self esteem? Maybe never went to school? I can’t believe anyone would be happy and fulfilled just doing nothing. I work FT and have 2 kids. I agree that taking care or small kids is much harder than working 10 hours a day. I truly admire moms that manage to do that, clean their house, cook etc. I do none of those things during the week

I have done both and working was much harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel bad for OP. What is the meaning of her life? Seriously... I don’t know anyone like her. Maybe she is depressed? Low self esteem? Maybe never went to school? I can’t believe anyone would be happy and fulfilled just doing nothing. I work FT and have 2 kids. I agree that taking care or small kids is much harder than working 10 hours a day. I truly admire moms that manage to do that, clean their house, cook etc. I do none of those things during the week

Agree with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife became a stay at home mom when our kid was born. that was five years ago. I make more than enough money so it was better for our kid that she stay home. I'm fine with her not working because even when she did work I made 4x her salary.

When our kid turned 2.5 she went to "pre-school" for three hours a day then five and now six hours. This fall she'll be in K and will be gone for 6-7 hours. I don't mind my wife staying at home. But, this is what bothers me.

1. When she doesn't keep the house clean. We only have one kid and she's pretty good. No reason not to keep the house clean.

2. She has "working out" at the bottom of her priority list. This is one of biggest annoying things she does. Right now she has six hours each day without our kid...shopping is priory #1 and "errands" which is basically returning stuff she has bought. It's not hard to take ONE HOUR in the mid morning to work out.

3. She doesn't want to learn how to cook well. I've been cooking for over 20 years (I started early in college) and I assumed when we finally had a kid she would WANT to learn how to cook - NOPE. She does cook, but it's the bare minimum. She prefers shopping at Trader Joes instead of cooking food from scratch. She has the time to learn, but it's not a priority.

Bottom line: For me (and I'm sure many man-hating women will disagree) if you're going to be a stay-at-home-mom do it well. I work 55-60 hours a week making a very good living. I expect my wife to be a very good house wife and mother. I think most men would agree, if stay at home spouses did their part everyone would be happy.

Newsflash: it’s not better for your kid for her to stay home. That’s your first wrong assumption. Check any studies. There are 100,000 out there.

Newsflash: If that were true then you and your peers would be labeled "the greatest generation yet!" since most of you were raised by daycare providers. But, yeah...haven't heard that yet from anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife looks after our 3 kids all day. That is WAY harder than my job.

I don’t know how she does it.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Let OP enjoy her life. She is lucky to have a husband that does not mind her not working and both of them do not want children. It is THEIR choice! I have a 1yo and pregnant with my 2nd. Both my husband and I work full time. I refuse to quit, because I do not want to sacrifice my career. I can tell you that we’re absolutely exhausted every night, my house is rather messy, and my sex life definitely gone down hill after our kid was born. An hour at the gym every day would be a much welcomed luxury. My pregnancy is high risk, so working out is not an option at the moment. Don’t pay attention to the haters and just work on yourself OP. Self-actualise, have a killer body, clean house, and put out every night. Your husband will never leave you!

[Anonymous]

Stay at home wife=unemployed.