Dating At 33 For Women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

I don’t believe any of this. But in any event, you’ll think differently as you round the bend of 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought there was a cap on residency hours...

Internal medicine sucks, you make significantly less than specialized peers and work long hours. Why did you start med school so late in life?

What's your point? She's within the cap.

The new rules maintain an 80-hour-per-week cap on residents’ work, averaged over 4 weeks, but extend the permissible work shifts for first-year residents from 16 hours to 24 — limits already in place for residents in year 2 and beyond — and permit more within-shift flexibility as long as weekly duty-hour limits are met.

http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMp1703690

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

I don’t believe any of this. But in any event, you’ll think differently as you round the bend of 35.

I was much like the OP, and I didn't. I'm well past 35 now and quite happy with those choices and preferences.

People differ.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 36 year old professional male that dates a couple times a week. I'd want nothing to do with a girl that works that much.

[Anonymous]

You won’t always be in residency and you don’t work 80 hrs per wk the entire time, also attending life is way better. I met my SO at the end of my 2nd yr in residency, we made it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the career I chose, but it won’t always be these crazy hours. If you met a resident doctor, you wouldn’t date him because of he works too much?

If I were in my mid-30’s probably not. If I were in my mid-twenties I probably would. But that’s because I think it would take a lot longer to get to know someone when you can’t see them as often. I have that kind of time at 25, not at 33 if I want to have children sooner than later. Also, in my 20’s, I could always find other people to hang out with at any given time. What, boyfriend is working this Saturday, oh my co-worker friends all planned to go out the wings place, a bar, and then the club so no worries. In my 30’s, with so many people married with young children, it’s tough to even make plans for a lunch meetup on a Sunday. I would be both dating and spending lots of time by myself in the case of a workaholic. Yet you don’t even know if it’s a relationship that can go the distance.

So I think OP, one option might be be to see if friends know someone or reconnect with college or med school networks. One thing is if you are 50% sure you don’t want kids, what happens if you marry someone that definitely doesn’t and then you decide that you do? Does this mean divorces dad with kids is out?

[Anonymous]

OP,

I met my future spouse at 31 and we got married at 32. I did not date guys who were not serious about long term rea
Lationships. I moved here from nyc where I worked extremely long hours at a law firm to another firm with pretty bad hours. I realized I would end up alone if I didn’t make a change. I switched to govt and it has provided me with a great schedule so I am able to raise 2 kids and work ft. FWIW none of my women friends who I worked it’s in nyc are married. I am not saying you should utilize just that you need to prioritize relationships as well. Also I chose not to have kids until 37 and had 2 nd at 41. Both were conceived naturally with no problems. This isn’t saying older ladies won’t have issues but not everyone does. GL.

[Anonymous]

OP don't listen to people saying "who will bury you" and other crap. I am a very happily married 40+ year old who doesn't have kids. Oh you will regret it! Said everyone. I don't- and now everyone is saying how smart we were. Being kid free can be great- just make sure you take advantage of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

I don’t believe any of this. But in any event, you’ll think differently as you round the bend of 35.

Why? You live in or near a city where - three of the potus's top advisors are female, three of the supreme court are female, and a good number of CEOs and law partners are powerful women, but it escapes your tiny mind that a woman could a) exercise the thought process to succeed in life, and b) desire to not have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

But who will bury you?

Why would she care? She's dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the negativity towards op and the pp for not wanting kids/ children aren’t for everyone. People can have a fulfilling life without having kids. That may not be the route you take but there is no right or wrong. You have to do what’s best for you.

I don't sense any negativity.

The only thing is sense is people warning the OP, who "might" want kids at 38 or older, that she might not be able to have kids at that age.

“Doesn’t sound like you would make a good mother anyway” doesn’t sound negative to you?

No because that person -- not op-- had no desire to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Kids right now wouldn’t be a good idea, agreed. Friends who are doctors have kids and their careers are good, with nanny or grandparent help. It sounds like you see mainly the negative and work aspects of having a child but don’t have dreams of happy experiences you would have, the joys of a family, giving a grandchild to your parents, passing on family traditions, contributing to the next generation, seeing the world through fresh eyes, making new friends, and growing. Maybe your own childhood was less happy than some. Or maybe you have brothers and sisters who already have had lots of kids. No reason to pressure yourself to have a child if you don’t imagine it bringing any rewards at all and being just unpleasant work. No one can deny it is a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

Why? You live in or near a city where - three of the potus's top advisors are female, three of the supreme court are female, and a good number of CEOs and law partners are powerful women, but it escapes your tiny mind that a woman could a) exercise the thought process to succeed in life, and b) desire to not have kids?

Has it escaped _your_ tiny mind that statistically speaking, women want kids, including some of those CEOs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

Your life does sound nice. Thank you for sharing your reasons. Interesting to hear for a mom like me who always wanted kids. Everyone needs to live their own dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

I don’t believe any of this. But in any event, you’ll think differently as you round the bend of 35.

Why? You live in or near a city where - three of the potus's top advisors are female, three of the supreme court are female, and a good number of CEOs and law partners are powerful women, but it escapes your tiny mind that a woman could a) exercise the thought process to succeed in life, and b) desire to not have kids?

Just calling it like I see it, chief.