Dating At 33 For Women.

[Anonymous]

In the field I work in, very few women have children. Maybe 10-20%, and many of those are accidents (myself included). I’ve never heard anyone say they regret their choice not to have kids. Most actually seem relieved and grateful they didn’t. This notion that all women want to reproduce is outdated. I hear men talk about wanting children/more children far more often than I hear women talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the field I work in, very few women have children. Maybe 10-20%, and many of those are accidents (myself included). I’ve never heard anyone say they regret their choice not to have kids. Most actually seem relieved and grateful they didn’t. This notion that all women want to reproduce is outdated. I hear men talk about wanting children/more children far more often than I hear women talk about it.

I think its because they get the serious upside of not bearing the kids for 9-10 months, giving birth, and rearing the child except for 1-2 hours at night and 10 hours or so a weekend. That's pretty much a barebones part-time job. Whereas their wives, especially if they get the 'privilege' of staying at home, can cook, clean, feed, and race after the chubby cheeks. Compounding the number of children just means the men have a further excuse to work longer hours away from home while being the 'fun' parent who runs the local baseball team or hosts impromptu pizza nights.

I mean giving up 80% of your paycheck towards raising the family is by no means easy but as far as labor goes - they got the better end of the stick.

[Anonymous]

Everyone knows adopted kids are better behaved!

No. Everyone knows a lots of things, but that ain't one of them.

[Anonymous]

An internal medicine residency is only three years. Just focus on work now and find a mate when it’s done. Keep your looks up and you’ll be hot and rich in a few years. I see No problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the field I work in, very few women have children. Maybe 10-20%, and many of those are accidents (myself included). I’ve never heard anyone say they regret their choice not to have kids. Most actually seem relieved and grateful they didn’t. This notion that all women want to reproduce is outdated. I hear men talk about wanting children/more children far more often than I hear women talk about it.

I think its because they get the serious upside of not bearing the kids for 9-10 months, giving birth, and rearing the child except for 1-2 hours at night and 10 hours or so a weekend. That's pretty much a barebones part-time job. Whereas their wives, especially if they get the 'privilege' of staying at home, can cook, clean, feed, and race after the chubby cheeks. Compounding the number of children just means the men have a further excuse to work longer hours away from home while being the 'fun' parent who runs the local baseball team or hosts impromptu pizza nights.

I mean giving up 80% of your paycheck towards raising the family is by no means easy but as far as labor goes - they got the better end of the stick.

+1. This. I’m not surprised my husband wants more children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just turned 33 and recently ended a 1.5 year relationship. He broke it off. I am a currently work 80+ hours a week. I am a little terrified I will end up 40 and still single. How do I look for a husband while working 80+ hours a week? My ex-boyfriend is a colleague, and majority of the people I work with are already married or have major deal breakers. My biggest caveat is I still undecided if I want children.

Do you really work 80 hour weeks, every week? Taken literally, that's over 13 hours per day, 6 days per week.

Is it possible to get your career to a point where you can go on "cruise control" for a few years while you focus on your personal life?

It is totally possible to work that many hours a week. I've spent the past 4.5 years putting that number of hours in. I work in a law related field and the cases have deadlines and there are billable hours and even though it may take 16 hours to complete a task I might only get credit for 4 - 6 hours of work.

I'm a man, but I managed to find someone to date and marry while working those hours. It was long distance and we met over the internet. She was also starting her career and working crazy hours. We texted, emailed, and put the phones on conference call while we worked. We would meet for a weekend here and there and longer over holidays. We "dated" like that for 2.5 years and got married last fall.

She was the ideal person to date at that time in my life because she was not local. We both has structural issues that prevented us from doing traditional weekend dating. If she was local and wanted me to be available during the week or weekends the relationship would not have worked.

[Anonymous]

The 80 hrs per week is temporary. Soon (within a few years), you will be working more reasonable hours making 150K/yr, or working a lot of hours making 300K.

Just breath deeply an wait. Most physicians I know (female) have the kids after residency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought there was a cap on residency hours...

Internal medicine sucks, you make significantly less than specialized peers and work long hours. Why did you start med school so late in life?

Op here. There is a 80 hour cap on the week, but I can work 100 hours one week, and 40 the next. As long as it’s under 320 hours in a month. I wonder if I was a man; would I be getting this much negativity for following my dream to become a doctor? I already said I wouldn’t care if I decided not to have kids. I won’t always be working 80 your weeks, but I will have a damn good career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought there was a cap on residency hours...

Internal medicine sucks, you make significantly less than specialized peers and work long hours. Why did you start med school so late in life?

Op here. There is a 80 hour cap on the week, but I can work 100 hours one week, and 40 the next. As long as it’s under 320 hours in a month. I wonder if I was a man; would I be getting this much negativity for following my dream to become a doctor? I already said I wouldn’t care if I decided not to have kids. I won’t always be working 80 your weeks, but I will have a damn good career.

I guarantee you wouldn't OP. Men are allowed to follow their dreams and even lauded for becoming unbridled successes. They're seen as worthy 'providers' and excellent role models. Women who do the same are questioned or even berated. F' them all. Keep going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought there was a cap on residency hours...

Internal medicine sucks, you make significantly less than specialized peers and work long hours. Why did you start med school so late in life?

Op here. There is a 80 hour cap on the week, but I can work 100 hours one week, and 40 the next. As long as it’s under 320 hours in a month. I wonder if I was a man; would I be getting this much negativity for following my dream to become a doctor? I already said I wouldn’t care if I decided not to have kids. I won’t always be working 80 your weeks, but I will have a damn good career.

I guarantee you wouldn't OP. Men are allowed to follow their dreams and even lauded for becoming unbridled successes. They're seen as worthy 'providers' and excellent role models. Women who do the same are questioned or even berated. F' them all. Keep going.

+1. Everyone in my family flipped out when I went back to work when DC was 2. Nobody said a peep to my DH about his job, even though he had much longer days and was traveling quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

OP: find your quiet place, away from all the noise, and.listen to your uterus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

But who will bury you?

I am not the PP, but who cares? I have kids but I do not expect them to necessarily be around for my old age. Yes, they will probably bury me, but most people have some other family or friends who can do it if they don’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: find your quiet place, away from all the noise, and.listen to your uterus.

Exactly. Not what you think you should want, not what you wish you wanted...but what you ACTUALLY want. You are the one who will have to live with the decisions you've made

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought there was a cap on residency hours...

Internal medicine sucks, you make significantly less than specialized peers and work long hours. Why did you start med school so late in life?

Op here. There is a 80 hour cap on the week, but I can work 100 hours one week, and 40 the next. As long as it’s under 320 hours in a month. I wonder if I was a man; would I be getting this much negativity for following my dream to become a doctor? I already said I wouldn’t care if I decided not to have kids. I won’t always be working 80 your weeks, but I will have a damn good career.

Not possible in medicine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? You live in or near a city where - three of the potus's top advisors are female, three of the supreme court are female, and a good number of CEOs and law partners are powerful women, but it escapes your tiny mind that a woman could a) exercise the thought process to succeed in life, and b) desire to not have kids?

Has it escaped _your_ tiny mind that statistically speaking, women want kids, including some of those CEOs?

The vast majority of women want kids. And the vast, vast majority of those who think they don’t change their mind.

I'm guessing that's what every person tells a successful woman. There's nothing wrong with not having children or desiring to have them at an 'optimal' time. If I do change my mind, guess what - I have the resources to do whatever the hell I desire.

Maybe, maybe not.