Dating At 33 For Women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a divorced dad, I can say that the only never-married no-kids women who I've dated for any length of time have very busy lives of their own and they like that we can jump in and out of each other's schedule as time permits.

For OP, that doesn't have to be a divorced dad, but could also be a guy with a similar career, which would probably work better for her.

The problem is men who work those hours in stressful conditions often want someone who can take care of things "at home" or are guaranteed to be around when they are off and therefore isn't working those hours. When are two 80-hour a week workers even going to have time together? They would be like two ships in the night at most.

That's what a lot of successful dual-power relationships look like. Not everyone's cup of tea though. And it really doesn't work with kids in the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you do want kids, you are just afraid if losing meaning as a professional. Let me tell you that it's totally possible to outspurce a lot of childcare know the very early years. You just need an amazingly living nanny and husband. Once they're a bit older (4+), it gets so much easier. Also, many men wouldn't mind bring the primary caregiver. My husband is one of them. Don't sell yourself short because you've been told you should only have one or the other. Kids are resilient and adaptable and you sound like a very mature, responsible person. Your age is perfect. I met my husband at 32 and had a kid at 36. I'm now 38 and we're about to have another. I also have an intense job. Not quite 80 hours (more like 60) but enough that I only spend 1.5 hours per day with my kid during the week and 6-7 per day on the weekends. It replaced my time seeing girlfriends one one one for the most part (now we bring the kids). But it is doable and very rewarding. You don't have to stop being you to have kids. Just thought you may want to hear another perspective. (Ignore the haters who are likely to follow up in this post... My kid and family and career are all doing great.)

Op here. I really don’t know if I do want kids. I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I love the bond my sinsolings have with them, but I also see how hard it is to raise children. I don’t know if thats is for me. Right now I am focused on getting my career finished. I am not a workaholic as some have described me. When you’re in residency, you don’t chose what hours and how many hours you work. I chose this profession because I truly love helping people. It’s my way of helping give back, and feel like I’ve made some contribution to make seociety better.

If I did chose to have child, it would be in fellowship or post fellowship. I am also not opposed to adoption. I do know I do not want a child unless I have a solid marriage. I have seen too many issues in my family by having children too young, some out of wedlock, and some financially and emotionally not ready. I don’t want to bring a child into this world unless I can raise them in a comfortable home with two loving parents.

You're still very young and have a great career that you enjoy. Why is it so important to find a man? Maybe just enjoy your new independence without having to compromise with anyone.

I know women like you who chose to adopt or have kids on their own later on. It's all worked out very well. Honestly, I think you're overthinking it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? You live in or near a city where - three of the potus's top advisors are female, three of the supreme court are female, and a good number of CEOs and law partners are powerful women, but it escapes your tiny mind that a woman could a) exercise the thought process to succeed in life, and b) desire to not have kids?

Has it escaped _your_ tiny mind that statistically speaking, women want kids, including some of those CEOs?

The vast majority of women want kids. And the vast, vast majority of those who think they don’t change their mind.

I'm guessing that's what every person tells a successful woman. There's nothing wrong with not having children or desiring to have them at an 'optimal' time. If I do change my mind, guess what - I have the resources to do whatever the hell I desire.

Maybe, maybe not.

+1. Please inform yourself and don't be so smug...you most certainly can not throw money at this and get "whatever the hell you desire". You cannot fight biology. Sure, maybe you'll be lucky and eventually have success with IVF in your forties...but just as possible, you will not have sufficient quality eggs by then, and/or your body will refuse to carry a pregnancy to term. Maybe someone would be willing to choose a middle-aged career woman as an adoptive parent...but that is unlikely given all the other options they will have. Don't be smut and don't take your fertility for granted - if you are in your 30s and know you want kids, you're dumb to wait. Dumb.

Biology is a fact. If you truly want a family don't wait. Do what you have to, don't let a man take that away. I have a friend who stupidly allowed the guys she dated and one she married decide that for her. Now she is really alone. I told her years ago, stop ALL birth control!

[Anonymous]

late 30's m here. the main dealbreaker to a serious relationship would be you not wanting children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? You live in or near a city where - three of the potus's top advisors are female, three of the supreme court are female, and a good number of CEOs and law partners are powerful women, but it escapes your tiny mind that a woman could a) exercise the thought process to succeed in life, and b) desire to not have kids?

Has it escaped _your_ tiny mind that statistically speaking, women want kids, including some of those CEOs?

The vast majority of women want kids. And the vast, vast majority of those who think they don’t change their mind.

I'm guessing that's what every person tells a successful woman. There's nothing wrong with not having children or desiring to have them at an 'optimal' time. If I do change my mind, guess what - I have the resources to do whatever the hell I desire.

Maybe, maybe not.

+1. Please inform yourself and don't be so smug...you most certainly can not throw money at this and get "whatever the hell you desire". You cannot fight biology. Sure, maybe you'll be lucky and eventually have success with IVF in your forties...but just as possible, you will not have sufficient quality eggs by then, and/or your body will refuse to carry a pregnancy to term. Maybe someone would be willing to choose a middle-aged career woman as an adoptive parent...but that is unlikely given all the other options they will have. Don't be smut and don't take your fertility for granted - if you are in your 30s and know you want kids, you're dumb to wait. Dumb.

Biology is a fact. If you truly want a family don't wait. Do what you have to, don't let a man take that away. I have a friend who stupidly allowed the guys she dated and one she married decide that for her. Now she is really alone. I told her years ago, stop ALL birth control!

Please stop with your panicked messaging. No one is truly alone. If you have friends and family, you don't have to have the 'nuclear' family to be happy.

A lot of the older generations realize that when the kids they raised and they expected to idolize them move hundreds of miles away or put them in nursing homes or even shocker-just live their own lives. Having children won't solve the problem that you're afraid to be alone, which I urge you to work on.

Also 'stop the birth control' is a stupid plan - you'll trap someone one who despises you or end up like this woman which is fine but not my idea of happiness.

https://www.cnn.com/2017/04/25/opinions/ivf-3-7-percent-opinion-lenti/index.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? You live in or near a city where - three of the potus's top advisors are female, three of the supreme court are female, and a good number of CEOs and law partners are powerful women, but it escapes your tiny mind that a woman could a) exercise the thought process to succeed in life, and b) desire to not have kids?

Has it escaped _your_ tiny mind that statistically speaking, women want kids, including some of those CEOs?

The vast majority of women want kids. And the vast, vast majority of those who think they don’t change their mind.

I'm guessing that's what every person tells a successful woman. There's nothing wrong with not having children or desiring to have them at an 'optimal' time. If I do change my mind, guess what - I have the resources to do whatever the hell I desire.

Maybe, maybe not.

+1. Please inform yourself and don't be so smug...you most certainly can not throw money at this and get "whatever the hell you desire". You cannot fight biology. Sure, maybe you'll be lucky and eventually have success with IVF in your forties...but just as possible, you will not have sufficient quality eggs by then, and/or your body will refuse to carry a pregnancy to term. Maybe someone would be willing to choose a middle-aged career woman as an adoptive parent...but that is unlikely given all the other options they will have. Don't be smut and don't take your fertility for granted - if you are in your 30s and know you want kids, you're dumb to wait. Dumb.

Biology is a fact. If you truly want a family don't wait. Do what you have to, don't let a man take that away. I have a friend who stupidly allowed the guys she dated and one she married decide that for her. Now she is really alone. I told her years ago, stop ALL birth control!

Please stop with your panicked messaging. No one is truly alone. If you have friends and family, you don't have to have the 'nuclear' family to be happy.

A lot of the older generations realize that when the kids they raised and they expected to idolize them move hundreds of miles away or put them in nursing homes or even shocker-just live their own lives. Having children won't solve the problem that you're afraid to be alone, which I urge you to work on.

Also 'stop the birth control' is a stupid plan - you'll trap someone one who despises you or end up like this woman which is fine but not my idea of happiness.

https://www.cnn.com/2017/04/25/opinions/ivf-3-7-percent-opinion-lenti/index.html

You really screwed the pooch with this example. Did you even read the story?

At the end she talks about the waste of time over the useless men who didn't love her. How obsessing was a big waste.

Her sons are her "future and family".

I guarantee if she never had kids she would be obsessing about that big mistake. Lot's of women regret the men they chose, but you hardly ever hear them regretting their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

Get back to us when you’re 42 or 52 and this is “all” that you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? You live in or near a city where - three of the potus's top advisors are female, three of the supreme court are female, and a good number of CEOs and law partners are powerful women, but it escapes your tiny mind that a woman could a) exercise the thought process to succeed in life, and b) desire to not have kids?

Has it escaped _your_ tiny mind that statistically speaking, women want kids, including some of those CEOs?

The vast majority of women want kids. And the vast, vast majority of those who think they don’t change their mind.

I'm guessing that's what every person tells a successful woman. There's nothing wrong with not having children or desiring to have them at an 'optimal' time. If I do change my mind, guess what - I have the resources to do whatever the hell I desire.

Maybe, maybe not.

+1. Please inform yourself and don't be so smug...you most certainly can not throw money at this and get "whatever the hell you desire". You cannot fight biology. Sure, maybe you'll be lucky and eventually have success with IVF in your forties...but just as possible, you will not have sufficient quality eggs by then, and/or your body will refuse to carry a pregnancy to term. Maybe someone would be willing to choose a middle-aged career woman as an adoptive parent...but that is unlikely given all the other options they will have. Don't be smut and don't take your fertility for granted - if you are in your 30s and know you want kids, you're dumb to wait. Dumb.

Biology is a fact. If you truly want a family don't wait. Do what you have to, don't let a man take that away. I have a friend who stupidly allowed the guys she dated and one she married decide that for her. Now she is really alone. I told her years ago, stop ALL birth control!

Please stop with your panicked messaging. No one is truly alone. If you have friends and family, you don't have to have the 'nuclear' family to be happy.

A lot of the older generations realize that when the kids they raised and they expected to idolize them move hundreds of miles away or put them in nursing homes or even shocker-just live their own lives. Having children won't solve the problem that you're afraid to be alone, which I urge you to work on.

Also 'stop the birth control' is a stupid plan - you'll trap someone one who despises you or end up like this woman which is fine but not my idea of happiness.

https://www.cnn.com/2017/04/25/opinions/ivf-3-7-percent-opinion-lenti/index.html

You really screwed the pooch with this example. Did you even read the story?

At the end she talks about the waste of time over the useless men who didn't love her. How obsessing was a big waste.

Her sons are her "future and family".

I guarantee if she never had kids she would be obsessing about that big mistake. Lot's of women regret the men they chose, but you hardly ever hear them regretting their children.

She also talks about how difficult it is to be a single mom, especially one of twins, from birth to their current age. There is no way I'd go through that hell especially alone. That is why she's a warning example. It shows a woman who was desperate for kids all throughout her life and now how painfully intensive the process is to raise them, care for them.

Look the OP is not this woman who wants children by any means, which means its a take it or leave it scenario if she can find the husband that she'd want to raise a child with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

Get back to us when you’re 42 or 52 and this is “all” that you have.

A successful career? A vacation house on both coasts? The ability to hop on a jet at any time? Wow, so sad. If this was a man, you'd be screaming for your daughters to marry him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

Get back to us when you’re 42 or 52 and this is “all” that you have.

I agree with you. Been there done that, and it got old. Glad I had my family, now we do all those things! Not the same with friends or outsiders.