Dating At 33 For Women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

So don’t have kids. Doesn’t sound like you would make a very good mother anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I want to get married. I might have kids later on but I’m too unsure to yes.

You better make up your mind PDQ, because your fertility is about to fall off a cliff.

This. There is no excuse for not making a definitive decision on that now, you're freaking 33. Your fertility is already plummeting, you cannot take anything for granted or cavalierly say "I may have kids someday". Decide on this, stop putting it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

So don’t have kids. Doesn’t sound like you would make a very good mother anyways.

Exactly. Fine for you if that's what makes you happy; to other people that sounds like absolute misery.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get why the negativity towards op and the pp for not wanting kids/ children aren’t for everyone. People can have a fulfilling life without having kids. That may not be the route you take but there is no right or wrong. You have to do what’s best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the negativity towards op and the pp for not wanting kids/ children aren’t for everyone. People can have a fulfilling life without having kids. That may not be the route you take but there is no right or wrong. You have to do what’s best for you.

I don't sense any negativity.

The only thing is sense is people warning the OP, who "might" want kids at 38 or older, that she might not be able to have kids at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the negativity towards op and the pp for not wanting kids/ children aren’t for everyone. People can have a fulfilling life without having kids. That may not be the route you take but there is no right or wrong. You have to do what’s best for you.

I don't sense any negativity.

The only thing is sense is people warning the OP, who "might" want kids at 38 or older, that she might not be able to have kids at that age.

Exactly. +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to have at least one child?

Huge repsonsility and major life change, less focus on my career, lack of sleep, strain it puts on many marriages, worry of caring for another human life, etc. I’ve always been very nurturing but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a mom. I feel a child will be more of a career ender than a gift at this point. I may change my mind, but the thought of having children right now is very overwhelming and dreadful.

Basically the OP as well but I'm 32. I also work long hours however I also have a 7-figure income level, more than worth the trade off.

My answer to this -

- I like my lifestyle - traveling when I want, staying in the best resorts, enjoying splurges
- I hate mess, my penthouse looks like a magazine cover
- I'm mostly an introvert and can't imagine being around someone or several someones with no 'down' time
- I have no interest in moving to the suburbs or a suburban area where the best schools are
- I like having a serious amount of disposable income and 529s, daycare, college tuition, and general kid care would not be amenable to that
- I enjoy sleep

The last one is really important. I didn't come to this conclusion without actually doing some research. I had one of my girlfriend's stay over with her 8-month old for 5 days and 5 nights. During that time the kid would not sleep unless he was moving, she had to either be walking him, pacing with him, driving, or put him in a stroller and hoofing it. If he wasn't crying about sleep or fussing for attention, it was nursing. Sure that's only 12 months roughly of day-and-night attention but its not like toddlers are any easier. Or tweens are better once they can run around the house or teens don't have attitudes.

I like my life. I don't want to mess it up.

But who will bury you?

[Anonymous]

OP, remember that not making a choice is a choice. If you choose not to think about wanting kids today, then when you are ready to consider it, the choice may have already been made for you.

I was on the fence until I was 35. I always said hat Incoukd hear the clock quietly ticking in the background. When I turned 35, all of a sudden it was like the the gong show drum instead of a quiet tick.

You’ll know when you know. No one can put a clock on it. As long as your comfortable with the idea that it may never happen if you wait too long, it’s okay.

FWIW— I’m a single mom by choice of 2. When i was ready to have kids, I was not in a relationship. I didn’t want to wait for Mr. Right so I just did it myself.

[Anonymous]

It's not your age. I was in my prime dating life at 33.

It's your job.

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't this post be entitled "Dating as a Workaholic"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at 34 and didn’t have, and don’t want, kids. I had zero trouble whatsoever finding dates and eventually the man who would become my awesome DH—but, while I have a great job, I work 40 hours a week (only occasionally more), have interesting and fun hobbies (where I meet a lot of people, hint hint), and know how to relax and have fun.

I would not have considered dating someone who was so very job-centric with no other interests or down time.

Op here. I want to get married. I might have kids later on but I’m too unsure to yes. I do have plenty of hobbies outside of work. I love to workout, go out for drinks, go to baseball games, travel, try new restaurants, etc. Wanting to one day become a doctor requires crazy residency hours, which leaves little time for other things. That’s the career I chose, but it won’t always be these crazy hours. If you met a resident doctor, you wouldn’t date him because of he works too much?

PP here. Nope. I would not go into a relationship hoping things would improve from the very first date. If I thought the man was good looking and nice it would probably be one of those things I chalk up to bad timing and maybe if we were still single down the road and crossed paths again I’d consider it but now? Nope. Not wasting my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why the negativity towards op and the pp for not wanting kids/ children aren’t for everyone. People can have a fulfilling life without having kids. That may not be the route you take but there is no right or wrong. You have to do what’s best for you.

I don't sense any negativity.

The only thing is sense is people warning the OP, who "might" want kids at 38 or older, that she might not be able to have kids at that age.

“Doesn’t sound like you would make a good mother anyway” doesn’t sound negative to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, remember that not making a choice is a choice. If you choose not to think about wanting kids today, then when you are ready to consider it, the choice may have already been made for you.

I was on the fence until I was 35. I always said hat Incoukd hear the clock quietly ticking in the background. When I turned 35, all of a sudden it was like the the gong show drum instead of a quiet tick.

You’ll know when you know. No one can put a clock on it. As long as your comfortable with the idea that it may never happen if you wait too long, it’s okay.

FWIW— I’m a single mom by choice of 2. When i was ready to have kids, I was not in a relationship. I didn’t want to wait for Mr. Right so I just did it myself.

Confusing post.

[Anonymous]

I thought there was a cap on residency hours...

Internal medicine sucks, you make significantly less than specialized peers and work long hours. Why did you start med school so late in life?

[Anonymous]

I would date her in a heartbeat.

What a great mate. She can come home from her day. I’ll feed her, maybe some sex, and off to bed she goes.

And in between for 16 hours a day I’ll be left the hell alone.

Sounds heavenly compared to my 2 kids constantly wanting attention and a wife too.

I’ll take med student for 10 alex.