Marriage without sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her sexual history? Did she used to sleep with a lot of guys? Was she an enthusiastic lay? I'm not asking to label her a slut; I'm asking if she used to really enjoy sex. I was my ex-wife's 17th partner. The first 10 years of our marriage we had sex frequently and spontaneously. She loved getting laid.

After kid number 2 things slowed down big time and I thought it was just turning 40, raising two kids, work stress etc. But, something was off. We talked about it and she said her desires had just changed and she was stressed out. I found it hard to believe that someone that used to love getting laid would just stop needing it.

So, I started digging through emails and calls (I know) but didn't find anything. I started doing weird things like adjusting the front passenger seat in her car way up close (too small for a grown man) and checking to see if it had moved. I even bought a little tracker thing like Tile and stuck it in the trunk. I couldn't find anything.

In the end ,I found out she was screwing a coworker while at the office. I was driving her car one day (kids soccer carpool) and when I got in the driveway the bluetooth on the van picked up a call in the house. I sat in the driveway and listened to my wife tell her coworker that she loved him and couldn't wait for upcoming work travel.

I didn't tell her I knew. I went into evidence collection mode and prepared to get full custody. Which, I eventually did.

Anyway long story short. A duck just doesn't stop swimming. She's screwing someone else. Sorry.

Adultery gets you full custody? Really? And how does a Bluetooth pick up a call if she’s on her mobile making it? This sounds fishy.

Courts don't like it when contracts are broken, which adultery is.

I don't know the technology but, yes, the bluetooth picked up the call and put it on the stereo speakers just like it does when you're in the car doing the handsfree thing.

[Anonymous]

I'd divorce her. Life is too short without regular condomless sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it’s not clear that a nice guy who does not lift weights could find one these allegedly available women.

LOL, that's easily solved with a two-step program:
1. Stop being "nice"
2. Start lifting

Woman here. You guys do whatever you want and bro it up but I am not attracted to guys who “lift.” I associate guys who lift with gay guys. Anybody too toned = gay and/or vain. Just sayin’.

Another woman here. I LIKE men who are in shape. You don't have to **LIFT!!!!** but do use weights, do exercise, and keep fit. Be toned. I'm not particularly attracted to dad-bods. Personality can make up for that, but if I had a choice of toned or slightly flabby? Toned and strong, of course. I want you to be able to pick me up, carry me upstairs, and (gently) throw me on the bed without me worrying that you are going to drop me or put out your back. (and I'm 118#, so it isn't like I'm a real haul, y'know).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it’s not clear that a nice guy who does not lift weights could find one these allegedly available women.

LOL, that's easily solved with a two-step program:
1. Stop being "nice"
2. Start lifting

Woman here. You guys do whatever you want and bro it up but I am not attracted to guys who “lift.” I associate guys who lift with gay guys. Anybody too toned = gay and/or vain. Just sayin’.

How often do you initiate sex with your pot-bellied husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her sexual history? Did she used to sleep with a lot of guys? Was she an enthusiastic lay? I'm not asking to label her a slut; I'm asking if she used to really enjoy sex. I was my ex-wife's 17th partner. The first 10 years of our marriage we had sex frequently and spontaneously. She loved getting laid.

After kid number 2 things slowed down big time and I thought it was just turning 40, raising two kids, work stress etc. But, something was off. We talked about it and she said her desires had just changed and she was stressed out. I found it hard to believe that someone that used to love getting laid would just stop needing it.

So, I started digging through emails and calls (I know) but didn't find anything. I started doing weird things like adjusting the front passenger seat in her car way up close (too small for a grown man) and checking to see if it had moved. I even bought a little tracker thing like Tile and stuck it in the trunk. I couldn't find anything.

In the end ,I found out she was screwing a coworker while at the office. I was driving her car one day (kids soccer carpool) and when I got in the driveway the bluetooth on the van picked up a call in the house. I sat in the driveway and listened to my wife tell her coworker that she loved him and couldn't wait for upcoming work travel.

I didn't tell her I knew. I went into evidence collection mode and prepared to get full custody. Which, I eventually did.

Anyway long story short. A duck just doesn't stop swimming. She's screwing someone else. Sorry.

Adultery gets you full custody? Really? And how does a Bluetooth pick up a call if she’s on her mobile making it? This sounds fishy.

Courts don't like it when contracts are broken, which adultery is.

I don't know the technology but, yes, the bluetooth picked up the call and put it on the stereo speakers just like it does when you're in the car doing the handsfree thing.

Don’t believe you. If the car Bluetooth picked it up, she would no longer have been able to hear the call on her phone. She’d be all like, “hello? Hello?” and not telling her coworker sweet nothings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her sexual history? Did she used to sleep with a lot of guys? Was she an enthusiastic lay? I'm not asking to label her a slut; I'm asking if she used to really enjoy sex. I was my ex-wife's 17th partner. The first 10 years of our marriage we had sex frequently and spontaneously. She loved getting laid.

After kid number 2 things slowed down big time and I thought it was just turning 40, raising two kids, work stress etc. But, something was off. We talked about it and she said her desires had just changed and she was stressed out. I found it hard to believe that someone that used to love getting laid would just stop needing it.

So, I started digging through emails and calls (I know) but didn't find anything. I started doing weird things like adjusting the front passenger seat in her car way up close (too small for a grown man) and checking to see if it had moved. I even bought a little tracker thing like Tile and stuck it in the trunk. I couldn't find anything.

In the end ,I found out she was screwing a coworker while at the office. I was driving her car one day (kids soccer carpool) and when I got in the driveway the bluetooth on the van picked up a call in the house. I sat in the driveway and listened to my wife tell her coworker that she loved him and couldn't wait for upcoming work travel.

I didn't tell her I knew. I went into evidence collection mode and prepared to get full custody. Which, I eventually did.

Anyway long story short. A duck just doesn't stop swimming. She's screwing someone else. Sorry.

Adultery gets you full custody? Really? And how does a Bluetooth pick up a call if she’s on her mobile making it? This sounds fishy.

Courts don't like it when contracts are broken, which adultery is.

I don't know the technology but, yes, the bluetooth picked up the call and put it on the stereo speakers just like it does when you're in the car doing the handsfree thing.

Courts do NOT care about adultery. A sexless marriage IS a broken contract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it’s not clear that a nice guy who does not lift weights could find one these allegedly available women.

LOL, that's easily solved with a two-step program:
1. Stop being "nice"
2. Start lifting

Woman here. You guys do whatever you want and bro it up but I am not attracted to guys who “lift.” I associate guys who lift with gay guys. Anybody too toned = gay and/or vain. Just sayin’.

How often do you initiate sex with your pot-bellied husband?

I’m pregnant and gross now so not much at the moment. Otherwise, once a week? He doesn’t have a potbelly. My personal preference is just for normal guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here we go yet again! Let me summarize the million other sexless marriage threads (both DCUM and Reddit deadbedrooms) for you into the following options:
1) accept it: this NEVER works (unless you too are abnormally asexual?)
2) open marriage: this would be a great option if you were the woman, nonetheless it could possibly work if you actually enjoy being her platonic roommate and you have enough looks/game to find outside action while married
3) move on: there's a million women in DC who understand that a romantic relationship includes sex, leave your sexless wife and go find one of those
4) ultimatum: she might enjoy all the benefits you provide as a husband enough to "find" her libido after you tell her (point blank, no tiptoeing around the issue) that no sex = relationship dealbreaker. Spell out exactly what your needs are, she is free to decide if she wants to remain married to you, this includes a normal sex life.

Reading your posts, I sense that you are a "nice guy" who does not lift weights. That eliminates options 2 and 4, leaving option 3 as the most viable.

Number 4 works but you have to be willing to follow through with it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her sexual history? Did she used to sleep with a lot of guys? Was she an enthusiastic lay? I'm not asking to label her a slut; I'm asking if she used to really enjoy sex. I was my ex-wife's 17th partner. The first 10 years of our marriage we had sex frequently and spontaneously. She loved getting laid.

After kid number 2 things slowed down big time and I thought it was just turning 40, raising two kids, work stress etc. But, something was off. We talked about it and she said her desires had just changed and she was stressed out. I found it hard to believe that someone that used to love getting laid would just stop needing it.

So, I started digging through emails and calls (I know) but didn't find anything. I started doing weird things like adjusting the front passenger seat in her car way up close (too small for a grown man) and checking to see if it had moved. I even bought a little tracker thing like Tile and stuck it in the trunk. I couldn't find anything.

In the end ,I found out she was screwing a coworker while at the office. I was driving her car one day (kids soccer carpool) and when I got in the driveway the bluetooth on the van picked up a call in the house. I sat in the driveway and listened to my wife tell her coworker that she loved him and couldn't wait for upcoming work travel.

I didn't tell her I knew. I went into evidence collection mode and prepared to get full custody. Which, I eventually did.

Anyway long story short. A duck just doesn't stop swimming. She's screwing someone else. Sorry.

Adultery gets you full custody? Really? And how does a Bluetooth pick up a call if she’s on her mobile making it? This sounds fishy.

Courts don't like it when contracts are broken, which adultery is.

I don't know the technology but, yes, the bluetooth picked up the call and put it on the stereo speakers just like it does when you're in the car doing the handsfree thing.

Don’t believe you. If the car Bluetooth picked it up, she would no longer have been able to hear the call on her phone. She’d be all like, “hello? Hello?” and not telling her coworker sweet nothings.

NOT the PP but my cell absolutely connects to the car without dropping the signal. I remember being mortified at a gas station one spring morning while having a conference call about nasty diseases (I work in public health) blaring through the speakers while I pumped and paid the attendant in the kiosk. I was 15-20 feet away but the whole gas station was looking at me while "Are there lesions? Discharge?" was blaring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know her sexual history? Did she used to sleep with a lot of guys? Was she an enthusiastic lay? I'm not asking to label her a slut; I'm asking if she used to really enjoy sex. I was my ex-wife's 17th partner. The first 10 years of our marriage we had sex frequently and spontaneously. She loved getting laid.

After kid number 2 things slowed down big time and I thought it was just turning 40, raising two kids, work stress etc. But, something was off. We talked about it and she said her desires had just changed and she was stressed out. I found it hard to believe that someone that used to love getting laid would just stop needing it.

So, I started digging through emails and calls (I know) but didn't find anything. I started doing weird things like adjusting the front passenger seat in her car way up close (too small for a grown man) and checking to see if it had moved. I even bought a little tracker thing like Tile and stuck it in the trunk. I couldn't find anything.

In the end ,I found out she was screwing a coworker while at the office. I was driving her car one day (kids soccer carpool) and when I got in the driveway the bluetooth on the van picked up a call in the house. I sat in the driveway and listened to my wife tell her coworker that she loved him and couldn't wait for upcoming work travel.

I didn't tell her I knew. I went into evidence collection mode and prepared to get full custody. Which, I eventually did.

Anyway long story short. A duck just doesn't stop swimming. She's screwing someone else. Sorry.

Adultery gets you full custody? Really? And how does a Bluetooth pick up a call if she’s on her mobile making it? This sounds fishy.

Courts don't like it when contracts are broken, which adultery is.

I don't know the technology but, yes, the bluetooth picked up the call and put it on the stereo speakers just like it does when you're in the car doing the handsfree thing.

Don’t believe you. If the car Bluetooth picked it up, she would no longer have been able to hear the call on her phone. She’d be all like, “hello? Hello?” and not telling her coworker sweet nothings.

NOT the PP but my cell absolutely connects to the car without dropping the signal. I remember being mortified at a gas station one spring morning while having a conference call about nasty diseases (I work in public health) blaring through the speakers while I pumped and paid the attendant in the kiosk. I was 15-20 feet away but the whole gas station was looking at me while "Are there lesions? Discharge?" was blaring.

Yeah but we’re you holding the cell and still hearing the call or was it only coming out of the speakers? I think the latter. That’s just how the tech works.

[Anonymous]

^^^ were, not we’re

[Anonymous]

I am in a near-sexless marriage. The truth is we really don't care that much. We both got laid quite a lot before we got married. We are not cheating.

Have you asked her when you can have sex? Sometimes you just have to plan it. Not sexy, but it works. We broke a years-long drought that way.

We both know that neither of us are going to leave the marriage due to lack of sex...but that sounds like a different story than what you are going through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both know that neither of us are going to leave the marriage due to lack of sex...

This is how you STAY sexless, by the way. If the party that doesn't want to have sex (generally, the woman) knows the other party won't leave, what incentive do they have to cooperate with the "have more sex" agenda?

[Anonymous]

So you think people have regular sex all through their lives like in their 80s? Men start getting ED starting in their 40s. Women go through menopause. Ask your doctor. What OP is describing is pretty common and normal.

[Anonymous]

Men really need to understand that women feel so much pressure to have babies when they're at the fertile best. Women sometimes will "settle" on a marriage, to have the babies. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, OP. Men are just clueless when it comes to women. Some women enjoy sex. Some women enjoy sex only with men they're very attracted to (and no, the MGTOW morons are wrong that abusers and bullies and jerks are attractive to women).

I've been told by women that they "settled" when they married their husbands, because the clock was ticking and they wanted to have kids. Or their finances weren't in order. Or they were going back to school.

You're not getting it. If it wasn't there before, what makes you think it's going to be there now?

Couples need those hot sexy can't keep our hands off of each other memories from when they first started dating to get through the drudgery of married life over the long haul. And things will improve.

However, if you never had that hot sexy can't keep our hands off of each other time in your relationship, what makes you think after 14 years it's her hormones or stress from having kids?