Please tell me you don't "thank" your spouse...

[Anonymous]

Appreciation is free. But sure, stick it to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we both thank each other. If it's not remembered, And one of us wants to be noticed, the conversation goes like this:

Spouse 1: i did allll those crazy dishes piled up. It was 2 loads plus some hand washing! Go me!
Spouse 2: that's awesome. Thanks.

LOL--I do something like that too. Pat pat (meaning, I want a pat on the back).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with OP. I think it's ridiculous how some men basically expect sexual favors if they contribute to a basic household chore.

I don't expect a thank you for everything I do around the house. And I pretty much do everything. And I do it without complaint or expectation that I will get a trophy for it, because it has to be done. So don't put two dishes in the effing sink, tell me you "cleaned the kitchen", and look at me like a dog looks for a treat, expecting praise for "all" that you've done. That's the only time I will complain, because it's so ridiculous. I spent 2 hours cleaning. You spend 2 minutes. And you expect me to lavish you in praise? It's infuriating.

People don't get a cookie for doing things they are SUPPOSED to do. And I've instilled that in my kids. Don't go around looking for praise and validation for things you are supposed to do in life. You aren't gonna get pats on your back for merely showing up. You gotta be able to do what needs to be done, without a "you're so awesome!!!" attached to it.

I hope you're also teaching your children about love and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with OP. I think it's ridiculous how some men basically expect sexual favors if they contribute to a basic household chore.

I don't expect a thank you for everything I do around the house. And I pretty much do everything. And I do it without complaint or expectation that I will get a trophy for it, because it has to be done. So don't put two dishes in the effing sink, tell me you "cleaned the kitchen", and look at me like a dog looks for a treat, expecting praise for "all" that you've done. That's the only time I will complain, because it's so ridiculous. I spent 2 hours cleaning. You spend 2 minutes. And you expect me to lavish you in praise? It's infuriating.

People don't get a cookie for doing things they are SUPPOSED to do. And I've instilled that in my kids. Don't go around looking for praise and validation for things you are supposed to do in life. You aren't gonna get pats on your back for merely showing up. You gotta be able to do what needs to be done, without a "you're so awesome!!!" attached to it.

Sooo...umm....you ever thought about how maybe your attitude is a contributing factor to why you are the one doing everything around the house? Because I wouldn't do shit for you either.

[Anonymous]

We thank each other - it's just a nice thing to do. I fail to see why that's a problem unless he wants you to thank him while not thanking him in return.

[Anonymous]

"Thank you" is so ridiculously easy. And if that's too much for you, you can halve the effort by saying, "Thanks!" Just one damn syllable.

My theory is that some people don't like to say it because then they'll have to acknowledge the stuff that their spouse does -- which will make it harder to be a martyr later on.

[Anonymous]

There was a thread about this a while ago. The reality is that although a lot of men argue otherwise, women simply bear the biggest burden at home, by far, and even if men try to do a lot then they really do see it as "helping" the woman.

Some guys even argued that they do equal amount of work because they "always do the tasks whenever she asks me! So I do 50%!" Etc etc. They didn't understand why women were laughing at them and saying that by definition the woman was doing way more in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am with OP. I think it's ridiculous how some men basically expect sexual favors if they contribute to a basic household chore.

I don't expect a thank you for everything I do around the house. And I pretty much do everything. And I do it without complaint or expectation that I will get a trophy for it, because it has to be done. So don't put two dishes in the effing sink, tell me you "cleaned the kitchen", and look at me like a dog looks for a treat, expecting praise for "all" that you've done. That's the only time I will complain, because it's so ridiculous. I spent 2 hours cleaning. You spend 2 minutes. And you expect me to lavish you in praise? It's infuriating.

People don't get a cookie for doing things they are SUPPOSED to do. And I've instilled that in my kids. Don't go around looking for praise and validation for things you are supposed to do in life. You aren't gonna get pats on your back for merely showing up. You gotta be able to do what needs to be done, without a "you're so awesome!!!" attached to it.

I hope you're also teaching your children about love and kindness.

They are smothered in love and affection. It's actually over the top, because by the end of the day, they are squirming away from my attempts to snuggle and hug and give them kisses. But, I also teach them about sacrifice and responsibility. From the feedback I get from their teachers, other parents and coaches, I'm sure they are friendly, kind and thankful children. I doubt all those adults are lying to me when saying they wish they'd be in their class forever, they're a pleasure to coach, anytime ___ wants to come over they're always welcome, etc.

The only negative I've seen is that they do see me doing EVERYTHING all the time, going out of my way for people, never saying no, taking it all on myself, etc. They have the same traits, and I can already see some kids taking advantage of their kindness and willingness to do things for them. In that sense, it would probably be better for me to show that you don't always have to do everything and take care of others, at the expense of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think expressing gratitude and appreciation (in which ever form you choose) is kind of a circular thing. If you're happy in your marriage, expressing appreciation is pretty easy, and expressing appreciation in turn promotes continued happiness. If you're unhappy in your marriage, it's hard to express gratitude, yet that refusal to express gratitude will tend to make your marriage unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I don't thank people at work or at home for doing routine, rote tasks that obviously need to be done, on time and well.

I do thank people for taking the initiative to do something soup to nuts. Or when they take off work to get their kid to a test center, doctor, arrange sitter, etc.

In general we all need a list of what needs to be planned, scheduled and done, and then divide it up. Being clueless about your family's schedule may have been cool in the 1950s but not in 2017.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with OP. I think it's ridiculous how some men basically expect sexual favors if they contribute to a basic household chore.

I don't expect a thank you for everything I do around the house. And I pretty much do everything. And I do it without complaint or expectation that I will get a trophy for it, because it has to be done. So don't put two dishes in the effing sink, tell me you "cleaned the kitchen", and look at me like a dog looks for a treat, expecting praise for "all" that you've done. That's the only time I will complain, because it's so ridiculous. I spent 2 hours cleaning. You spend 2 minutes. And you expect me to lavish you in praise? It's infuriating.

People don't get a cookie for doing things they are SUPPOSED to do. And I've instilled that in my kids. Don't go around looking for praise and validation for things you are supposed to do in life. You aren't gonna get pats on your back for merely showing up. You gotta be able to do what needs to be done, without a "you're so awesome!!!" attached to it.

Hear hear!! I love it when "I cleaned the kitchen" is really code for "I washed my dirty ice cream dish but left the opened amazon package, my keys, the kids camp gear, empty grocery back, empty ice cream container all on the counter." So the magic F U fairy can come take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't thank people at work or at home for doing routine, rote tasks that obviously need to be done, on time and well.

I do. My secretary brings me the mail or tells me someone is in the office to see me, I say "thank you."

What's wrong with you people?

[Anonymous]

I think there is a difference between doing something for the good of your whole household, vs someone going out of their way for you.

Cleaning up the house, washing laundry, grocery shopping, getting the mail, taking out the trash, etc. These things you need to do to run your home. For the benefit of everyone, including the person doing it.

Your husband or wife stopping on their way home from work to get something for you so you don't have to go back out, arranging a babysitter for the kids so you all can do something or have a break, buying a treat for you, etc. These are things I'd go out of my way to show my appreciation and thankfulness for.

[Anonymous]

Just a question to any woman who is berating her husband here. Do you hate him and do you think you would be better off without him?

I am curious because DH and I are always affectionate and polite to each other and the kinds of issues mentioned here does not come up. So I am thinking that this is the dynamics of an unhappy marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't thank people at work or at home for doing routine, rote tasks that obviously need to be done, on time and well.

I do. My secretary brings me the mail or tells me someone is in the office to see me, I say "thank you."

What's wrong with you people?

Totally agree! I thank all the staff at work for routine stuff. If I'm sending a package and the mailroom helps me I say thanks for your help etc etc. do you people also not thank at restaurants and places like Starbucks because it's "their job???".

I also agree with the poster who said that if your spouse does something so you don't have to do it, I.e if you usually do laundry and he ends up doing it, a thank you is totally ok. We also thank our kids of hey help us around the house although they have designated chores they do everyday. Appreciation goes a longggg way.