Please tell me you don't "thank" your spouse...

[Anonymous]

We both thank each other every day for the stuff we routinely do. I cook every dinner, and he still thanks me for a nice meal every night. I really appreciate how this models gratefulness for our son. I thank him every time he ,ones. I've never mowed our lawn, I hate mowing. Just because it's his job doesn't mean I'm not thankful he does it. It literally costs me nothing to say thank you and makes my husband feel good, so why would I begrudge that? I'm a sahm and we have our issues, for sure, but saying thank you won't change that dynamic, it's way deeper.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I thank my spouse all the time, and he thanks me.

[Anonymous]

I regularly get thank yous from my 2 year old. For giving her a toy she asked for, or a snack that she likes. My DH is a whole other story. Saying thank you is a foreign concept which is not very nice. And he does consider it helping me when he cleans or cooks. So I totally get it.. Some people are just selfish that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both thank each other. If he doesn't thank you for doing stuff around the house but expects you to thank him, ask him why that is.

This. My spouse and I thank each other all the time, but it's a two-way street.

Be the bigger person. Communicate like an adult and tell him how you feel and start saying thank you first and see how it goes.

It also sets a great example for the kids. I have coached my kids to thank us for things from the time they were little - thank you for dinner, thanks for the movie, thanks for a meal out, thanks for a nice trip. And now it's second nature for them to express gratitude, which is something I hope they carry with them for their whole life. I view it as basic manners.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can say something else appreciative without using the words "thank you"? Like "oh, great!" or "great, that's helpful!"

[Anonymous]

Clearing tables is a waiter's job: I still say thank you.

Cutting hair is my stylist's job: thank you.

Barista hands me my cup: thank you.

Ask yourself why you are more polite to strangers than your spouse.

[Anonymous]

We thank each other for things that are not house/kid responsibilities. So I mentioned this weekend that this lightweight scarf I found crumpled in a drawer would be great at work and I thanked DH for ironing it for me so I could wear it. He mentioned the other day that he was craving oranges, so he thanked me when I brought home six of them for him. Last night I spent an hour folding clean laundry and then thanked DH when he took piles of it and put them all away.

[Anonymous]

Appreciation is free. Resentment costs a lot.

[Anonymous]

I feel like we both thank each other. If it's not remembered, And one of us wants to be noticed, the conversation goes like this:

Spouse 1: i did allll those crazy dishes piled up. It was 2 loads plus some hand washing! Go me!
Spouse 2: that's awesome. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

We thank each other all the time. Recognition and appreciation cost nothing and go a long way for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We thank each other for the things we do - even though they are our responsibilities. It would really irritate me if the thanking was one-sided.

This. DH thanks me pretty regularly for everything I do for the kids and I thank him about as much for stuff around the house and busting his @ss at the office. I think It's important to recognize the contributions both of us are making to keep our family running - a lot of it is thankless work so it helps to have your partner recognize it.

+2

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to decide which is more important to you: having a husband who pitches in, or not having to say thank you. Neither of you is perfect, forgive his flaws just as you would want him to forgive yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We thank each other for the things we do - even though they are our responsibilities. It would really irritate me if the thanking was one-sided.

+1

[Anonymous]

I am with OP. I think it's ridiculous how some men basically expect sexual favors if they contribute to a basic household chore.

I don't expect a thank you for everything I do around the house. And I pretty much do everything. And I do it without complaint or expectation that I will get a trophy for it, because it has to be done. So don't put two dishes in the effing sink, tell me you "cleaned the kitchen", and look at me like a dog looks for a treat, expecting praise for "all" that you've done. That's the only time I will complain, because it's so ridiculous. I spent 2 hours cleaning. You spend 2 minutes. And you expect me to lavish you in praise? It's infuriating.

People don't get a cookie for doing things they are SUPPOSED to do. And I've instilled that in my kids. Don't go around looking for praise and validation for things you are supposed to do in life. You aren't gonna get pats on your back for merely showing up. You gotta be able to do what needs to be done, without a "you're so awesome!!!" attached to it.

[Anonymous]

I thank my spouse all time and she thanks me, even for things that are our mutual responsibilities. It makes a difference to know that you're appreciated.