Please tell me you don't "thank" your spouse...

[Anonymous]

If he does things that were supposed to be my job but that I couldn't do for some reason, or goes out of his way to do something nice, then yes, he has deserved his thanks and gets them. Otherwise, no.

[Anonymous]

This is the result of the trophy generation... they need a trophy for every little thing they do. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you" is so ridiculously easy. And if that's too much for you, you can halve the effort by saying, "Thanks!" Just one damn syllable.

My theory is that some people don't like to say it because then they'll have to acknowledge the stuff that their spouse does -- which will make it harder to be a martyr later on.

Interesting theory!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you" is so ridiculously easy. And if that's too much for you, you can halve the effort by saying, "Thanks!" Just one damn syllable.

My theory is that some people don't like to say it because then they'll have to acknowledge the stuff that their spouse does -- which will make it harder to be a martyr later on.

Interesting theory!

You should have thanked him/her for their opinion or do you just want to be a martyr later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't thank people at work or at home for doing routine, rote tasks that obviously need to be done, on time and well.

I do. My secretary brings me the mail or tells me someone is in the office to see me, I say "thank you."

What's wrong with you people?

Agreed. It makes me sad to read these posts about people who can't treat their spouse with the same basic kindness and courtesy they would show to a stranger.

[Anonymous]

Now I am understanding little kids who don't seem to know how to say thank you. They grow up in families where the parents never say it to each other!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a question to any woman who is berating her husband here. Do you hate him and do you think you would be better off without him?

I am curious because DH and I are always affectionate and polite to each other and the kinds of issues mentioned here does not come up. So I am thinking that this is the dynamics of an unhappy marriage?

Right on point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have had a rough few months - I don't feel very appreciated and I'm very much the default parent and it's getting exhausting. We've talked/fought about it multiple times so it's not like this is anything new. When he sees me starting to reach the end of my rope he'll start picking up a little bit of slack and then expect me to THANK HIM!! He'll point out simple things he did, like getting DS in his pajamas, or "cleaning" the kitchen, and then wait for me to say thank you... You're not doing me any favors, bud. I try to be appreciative when he actually does something useful without a prompt from me, but your'e not going to get fawned over for doing basic parenting or homeowner chores.

Vent over...

My dh and I are exhausted parents of two toddlers. We thank each other all the time especially for the small things. We also make an effort to work together to help things run smoothly. Sometimes doing basic things is hard when you are exhausted and it is not about doing favors but showing that you love the other person via words and actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We thank each other for the things we do - even though they are our responsibilities. It would really irritate me if the thanking was one-sided.

This. And we are are a two mom household, so it has nothing to do with gender roles. It's about being appreciative that you are a partnership.

[Anonymous]

I do all the time. That's how you get them to do more. Duh!

[Anonymous]

My husband wants/needs to be thanked/appreciated for the things he does. I don't, but I make an effort to thank him because it means something to him. Appreciate that you and your husband aren't the same person. If getting thanks makes him feel better, then do it.

[Anonymous]

I have no problem thanking my DH for doing things that I normally do. It encourages him to do more. He doesn't expect or need to be thanked but I know he appreciates it as do I when he thanks me for something like a nice dinner or great sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do all the time. That's how you get them to do more. Duh!

THis. They're like puppies sometimes. Only positive reinforcement works. But it does work!! And my dh is generally very awesome. Be we had conversations about some chores etc and he said it really motivates him when I notice he did whatever. So I go with it. He does a good job thanking me as well and showing alleviation in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the result of the trophy generation... they need a trophy for every little thing they do. Pathetic.

That's moronic. It was my grandparents and parents who taught me to say "thank you." They are unfailingly polite and taught me to be likewise (except, apparently, where snowflakes who get triggered by trophies are concerned). "Thank you" isn't a trophy. It's courtesy.

[Anonymous]

I feel like everyday tasks don't require a thank you...but I am married to someone who really needs to hear those thank yous. So I do it. I also tell him NOT to thank me sometimes. Balance is tricky.