Husband just threw a pillow at me

[Anonymous]

You hit first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had my ex pull the pillow out from under me and put it over my face. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I don't want to minimize the emotional abuse. Was your current dh the perpetrator of this emotional abuse? If so, why are you with him and why did you have a child with him? If he was not, I think you are both horribly sleep deprived but may want to look into couples counseling for coping skills.

He's been emotionally abusive for years. I thought it wasn't that bad for a while because my prior relationship was extremely violent. I was in love with him anyway, but then I found out he cheated (I was already pregnant when I found out). Now I'm filled with rage. He treats me with disrespect on a regular basis. This is the last straw for me.

Good for you. Remember this OP. Do not brush it under the rug as you have done in the past.

[Anonymous]

I have a problem with charges of 'emotional abuse' as it is too generic.

"An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioral or expressive response."

Feels like a plea to engender sympathy as a victim in an abstract way.

And I think this was a bogus post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had my ex pull the pillow out from under me and put it over my face. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I don't want to minimize the emotional abuse. Was your current dh the perpetrator of this emotional abuse? If so, why are you with him and why did you have a child with him? If he was not, I think you are both horribly sleep deprived but may want to look into couples counseling for coping skills.

He's been emotionally abusive for years. I thought it wasn't that bad for a while because my prior relationship was extremely violent. I was in love with him anyway, but then I found out he cheated (I was already pregnant when I found out). Now I'm filled with rage. He treats me with disrespect on a regular basis. This is the last straw for me.

Wow, your judgement OP is horrible, hyperbole and drama is your friend, you are trolling for sympathy and you are FOS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a problem with charges of 'emotional abuse' as it is too generic.

"An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioral or expressive response."

Feels like a plea to engender sympathy as a victim in an abstract way.

And I think this was a bogus post.

Actually emotional abuse is recognized as legitimate by pretty much everyone who matters.

But whatever you need to tell yourself.

[Anonymous]

Does he tickle you with a feather ong that's when you need to call 911

[Anonymous]

OP, given what you've posted in this thread, it seems you already know what you have to do.

[Anonymous]

It likely is that you are both sleep-deprived and in a baby fog.

Do not make any rash decisions until the dust settles.

[Anonymous]

OP--as you can see, a post like yours brings out all the worst misogyny on DCUM. And most PPs are not bothering to read anything other than the title of the post and are just reacting like jerks to the "he threw a pillow" part. I'm sorry you've gotten some ignorant, nasty posts.

You were in a violent relationship and then got into an emotionally abusive relationship and had a child with a man who was emotionally abusive before you were even pregnant. OP, you have made choices that indicate you're repeating a very negative pattern that you must break or else your child will grow up witnessing abuse and thinking an abusive relationship is a normal relationship. Do not try to take your next steps on your own because between being exhausted, being emotionally abused, and having a pattern of questionable choices -- you should not try to handle this without support. Please get to a counselor as fast as you can. For you, not for you and DH as a couple. Also talk to staff at a women's shelter about how to exit an abusive household safely. You do NOT have to be going into a shelter yourself -- you can ask them for advice and contacts like legal help.

If your husband has shown real remorse about cheating, and if he can have a sensible, adult discussion about how the whole pillow thing went down and why it upset you, then you and he might be able to hold things together IF there is any marriage there to save (and staying married "for our child" is not a good idea)-- but ONLY with serious couples therapy and a lot of effort.

[Anonymous]

Tossing a pillow onto the bed is "a bridge too far"? JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--as you can see, a post like yours brings out all the worst misogyny on DCUM. And most PPs are not bothering to read anything other than the title of the post and are just reacting like jerks to the "he threw a pillow" part. I'm sorry you've gotten some ignorant, nasty posts.

You were in a violent relationship and then got into an emotionally abusive relationship and had a child with a man who was emotionally abusive before you were even pregnant. OP, you have made choices that indicate you're repeating a very negative pattern that you must break or else your child will grow up witnessing abuse and thinking an abusive relationship is a normal relationship. Do not try to take your next steps on your own because between being exhausted, being emotionally abused, and having a pattern of questionable choices -- you should not try to handle this without support. Please get to a counselor as fast as you can. For you, not for you and DH as a couple. Also talk to staff at a women's shelter about how to exit an abusive household safely. You do NOT have to be going into a shelter yourself -- you can ask them for advice and contacts like legal help.

If your husband has shown real remorse about cheating, and if he can have a sensible, adult discussion about how the whole pillow thing went down and why it upset you, then you and he might be able to hold things together IF there is any marriage there to save (and staying married "for our child" is not a good idea)-- but ONLY with serious couples therapy and a lot of effort.

+100000 To all of this. Thank you for a rational post on this topic

[Anonymous]

It seems that you are looking for a reason to leave. You "forgave" him, but never got past the resentment of the cheating, or anything else that happened in the past, and you need something to point to as a reason why the marriage is over.

Here's the thing: not wanting to be married to him anymore is a good enough reason. Why drag both of you through misery when you can cut your losses and end it now.

Your child will grow up in two houses, but they will be his norm, so it's not nearly as damaging as you realizing 13 years from now that you still resent him and can't be married anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems that you are looking for a reason to leave. You "forgave" him, but never got past the resentment of the cheating, or anything else that happened in the past, and you need something to point to as a reason why the marriage is over.

Here's the thing: not wanting to be married to him anymore is a good enough reason. Why drag both of you through misery when you can cut your losses and end it now.

Your child will grow up in two houses, but they will be his norm, so it's not nearly as damaging as you realizing 13 years from now that you still resent him and can't be married anymore.

You don't "get past resentment" of abuse. You leave and get the hell out while you can.

[Anonymous]

Leaving him for cheating on you is reasonable. Leaving because he tossed a pillow on the bed is not. Deal with what is wrong, not what isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that you are looking for a reason to leave. You "forgave" him, but never got past the resentment of the cheating, or anything else that happened in the past, and you need something to point to as a reason why the marriage is over.

Here's the thing: not wanting to be married to him anymore is a good enough reason. Why drag both of you through misery when you can cut your losses and end it now.

Your child will grow up in two houses, but they will be his norm, so it's not nearly as damaging as you realizing 13 years from now that you still resent him and can't be married anymore.

You don't "get past resentment" of abuse. You leave and get the hell out while you can.

No shit. But OP didn't leave the first time it happened, which means a part of her though she though she could get past it.