Passive-aggression on the west coast vs outright "aggression" on the east coast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

More examples of this Seattle behavior, please. I've never even been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

At first I was going to say your friend was lying as I cannot imagine any actual person standing in the middle of the aisle staring at another person instead of walking around.

And then the west coaster chimed in saying your friend was the rude one, proving that I guess that actually is considered normal behavior for some.

All I can say is wow.

This is so funny. I'm giggling. It must be a "cultural cart difference." I'm near San Francisco and if my cart were in the way and I got that look, I'd apologize and move it because it would be considered rude. Most stores have small aisles and tiny carts, so when space is tight it's important to be aware of where you are and how you're impacting those around you. I'd just say excuse me and thank them for moving rather than staring, but if you're in my way, you should move. Even when you go to a more spacious store with wide aisles, most of us are used to following the norms of shopping in small stores, because they're more common.

Another thing I noticed on a grocery store vent thread on dcum is that when we check out here (not sure if it's the entire west coast or just the Bay Area), we put the divider bar on the belt after we put up our groceries. Almost everyone does it. Not sure if it's expected to the point that I'd call it a cultural norm, but it's really common. I saw a thread once complaining that someone expected them to put the divider down after their items were loaded onto the belt and everyone chimed in that the person behind them was entitled. Maybe they were from the west coast

That said, there are rude assholes all across our great land, and I'm not sure which coast has the most. They're probably equally bad in their own ways.

100%agree w this poster. Also never noticed any rudeness w pacific NW.

First 20 yrs of my life in BC Canada, second 20 yrs in DC. Gladly in NorCal now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

More examples of this Seattle behavior, please. I've never even been there.

NP. I'll give you an example I heard from a friend. They were crossing at an intersection, when a car came roaring through, looking like they were going to turn without stopping. So my friend stops, waiting for the car to pass. The car comes to a complete halt, as if to say, go ahead, go in front of me. So, after waiting for a couple seconds to make sure the car meant it, they continue on their way, walking across the street. As they come up, almost right in front of the car, it suddenly starts moving forward, and my friend had to jump out of the way, truly almost being hit by the car.

This is the kind of baffling, passive aggressive, borderline statistic craziness that happens in Seattle.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the Bay Area, lived in Seattle after college and have lived in DC for, um, decades. But continue to visit Seattle frequently. Honestly, the biggest differences I notice are that I need to bring my driving aggression down a couple of notches when I get to Seattle, and the work day starts and ends earlier. Oh, and when Starbucks first moved to DC, the baristas were so slow compared to the Seattle baristas .... But things have improved here, barista-wise. I love both my native West Coast and my adoptive home of the East Coast. I think you are unhappy and are looking for an external reason to explain it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the Bay Area, lived in Seattle after college and have lived in DC for, um, decades. But continue to visit Seattle frequently. Honestly, the biggest differences I notice are that I need to bring my driving aggression down a couple of notches when I get to Seattle, and the work day starts and ends earlier. Oh, and when Starbucks first moved to DC, the baristas were so slow compared to the Seattle baristas .... But things have improved here, barista-wise. I love both my native West Coast and my adoptive home of the East Coast. I think you are unhappy and are looking for an external reason to explain it.

^here's an example, for those who are wondering. Literally anyone who dares to notice Seattle's passive aggressiveness problem (and it is a widely observed problem- with pages upon pages of google results if you don't believe me) is the problem themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP, I found these threads that might interest you where they discuss just this:

http://www.city-data.com/forum/general-u-s/1457015-does-pacific-northwest-seem-isolated-rest-3.html

http://www.city-data.com/forum/general-u-s/1989154-what-states-people-have-passive-aggressive-7.html

Suffice to say, it's a widely observed cultural trait of where you live.

[Anonymous]

Susaphed will dry you up in no time. I stopped cold turkey at 3-4 months. It was the best decision and I wish I would have stopped sooner. Enjoy your baby please. I wish I could get those days back. Being miserable is not worth it. Take care of yourself op. Happy momma = happy baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a native east coaster, how did you cope with the more "passive" style that people on the west coast deal with issues? I've seen a lot of talk about this on the internet and with other east coasters I encountered, but still have to find a way to really deal with it?

If you are from the west coast, I would also be interested in hearing your perspective on moving to the east coast, if you enjoyed or disliked the more "upfront" way of speaking that is common.

I'm a DC native and lived in California. I found the California attitude pretty annoying, actually - people are very chilly there. I don't think people have to be rude the way east coasters are, but I value forthrightness. I lived in Texas prior to living in California and find their style of communication superior: simple and direct.

I'll agree with this wholeheartedly. Truly dislike (read: hate) the west coast way of communication, which seems to be something along the lines of smiling to your face while stabbing you in the back. Also they seem more easily annoyed, although they hide it. On the east coast people are much more forthright, and if they have a problem with you, you'll know. Which means when you think someone likes you- you're right! There's no hidden game to it. But Texas style of communication beats it- forthright but really go out of their way to be friendly and nice. Zero game playing, just niceness and if you're really out of line they would let you know (but it takes a lot to get them to that point).

[Anonymous]

I haven't really noticed much different between the east and west coasts. The Deep South is creepily polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally understand where you're coming from . I moved from the desert southwest to 90 miles north of Seattle and within a few months of living there I a) thought I was going crazy and b) swore I moved into the twilight zone .

I lived there for three long years and don't ever want to return. The people and culture are just too strange for me. Add that to the fact that I was had anxiety all the time due to the weather. Just wasn't good at all.

Bellingham? That place made me crazy too.

[Anonymous]

Try the Midwest, OP. And I mean that as a happy Midwesterner, not as an insult.

We were back in DC recently to attend an event that included a family brunch. It was not what we expected. My kids were so puzzled -- here in the Midwest at such things, the kids all band together and play, even if they don't know each other. In DC all the kids stayed with their own families and were not friendly. It was so weird and my kids found it totally awkward.

It reminded me of the recent thread where the mom doesn't want other kids to play with her kid because she wants to do it herself. I kind of thought that thread was a troll but I can believe it now.

[Anonymous]

^NP. I don't know that that qualifies as passive aggression

[Anonymous]

Northeast and southeast are dramatically different.

Northeast more direct, not passive.
Southeast slow and more behind the back stuff.

You can't categorically claim all of the east coast similar as unlike West Coast--northeast and southeast are VERY different.

I hate passive and phony so I prefer polite but direct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try the Midwest, OP. And I mean that as a happy Midwesterner, not as an insult.

We were back in DC recently to attend an event that included a family brunch. It was not what we expected. My kids were so puzzled -- here in the Midwest at such things, the kids all band together and play, even if they don't know each other. In DC all the kids stayed with their own families and were not friendly. It was so weird and my kids found it totally awkward.

It reminded me of the recent thread where the mom doesn't want other kids to play with her kid because she wants to do it herself. I kind of thought that thread was a troll but I can believe it now.

So your kids run free in restaurants vs seated with family?

[Anonymous]

Ha! I am so glad I read this thread. Seattle has always been one of my dream locations. I live the Northwest. Those elitist hipsters would drive me fucking nuts. I'd probably tell the woman on the bike to shove the bell up her ass.