Passive-aggression on the west coast vs outright "aggression" on the east coast

[Anonymous]

If you are a native east coaster, how did you cope with the more "passive" style that people on the west coast deal with issues? I've seen a lot of talk about this on the internet and with other east coasters I encountered, but still have to find a way to really deal with it?

If you are from the west coast, I would also be interested in hearing your perspective on moving to the east coast, if you enjoyed or disliked the more "upfront" way of speaking that is common.

[Anonymous]

A$$holes are a$$holes on both coasts. I've lived in NY and SF. I honestly don't have a preference, I've dealt with both kinds. The west coast ones are easier to ignore, the east coast ones are easier to confront. I prefer to deal with pleasant people, regardless of what coast I'm on.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I've noticed this. I'm from the west coast and I'm more aggressive (or direct) than many if my coworkers... But on the other hand, became this way after many misunderstandings where I thought I was being clear and the other person didn't get it. I think of them being tone deaf, vs me being passive.

[Anonymous]

I'm from the east coast and lived extended periods in the midwest and on the west coast. I think the midwest is passive-agressive and the west coast is... just doing their own thing, like oblivious. How to deal with it? I think you just have to adapt. Slow down and change your expectations if you don't want to be annoyed by everyone all the time. My people are on the east coast though so I'm back here for good..

[Anonymous]

East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

[Anonymous]

West coasters in general tend to be quieter about their work and their accomplishments. Let everyone think you're chillin' and kicking back when you're really working an 18-hour day behind the scenes. You don't talk about it, because it makes you sound obnoxious.

East coasters like to trumpet their accomplishments on their sleeves and brag about how just hard they're working every minute. I find it both confusing, and amusing, as a West Coast native. Just chill out, dude!

See ya, surf's up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

Yep. Totally can see that.
I would have stared right back and been like, " you got a problem ? Huh? HUH?"
Yeah I really needed to come back East.
You aren't crazy. Those people people want to be aggrieved. Bitch, imma give you something to feel aggrieved about...

Yeah. It's good I left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

Yep. Totally can see that.
I would have stared right back and been like, " you got a problem ? Huh? HUH?"
Yeah I really needed to come back East.
You aren't crazy. Those people people want to be aggrieved. Bitch, imma give you something to feel aggrieved about...

Yeah. It's good I left.

I know! Being here makes me feel 10x more aggressive than I've ever felt in my life... and I am a petite woman known for being smiley and friendly. But it's just like... the people are strange. They kind of want something to feel angry about, but they will try to tell you int he most maddening, indirect, slimy ways. I'm fully aware it might just be a cultural thing and perhaps is my issue. But if it is my issue, then I feel like that doesn't change the fact that I need to get out now and not hang around and wait for me to turn into a passive aggressive, what I would consider to be jerk, myself.

[Anonymous]

Foreigner here.
I've lived on three continents, and spent time on both east and west American coasts. Compared to other placed in this world, they're alike as two peas.

Please try to be more adaptable and flexible.
It's not good for your health to be constantly irritated. The world is getting smaller, your kids might be working in Singapore or Switzerland, so don't pass on your prejudices to them.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally understand where you're coming from . I moved from the desert southwest to 90 miles north of Seattle and within a few months of living there I a) thought I was going crazy and b) swore I moved into the twilight zone .

I lived there for three long years and don't ever want to return. The people and culture are just too strange for me. Add that to the fact that I was had anxiety all the time due to the weather. Just wasn't good at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

...or you could try to be less clueless and move your cart over so people can pass. East coasters are rude and entitled. If you start treating other people like humans with feelings too, you might be surprised at the responses you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

...or you could try to be less clueless and move your cart over so people can pass. East coasters are rude and entitled. If you start treating other people like humans with feelings too, you might be surprised at the responses you get.

You expect people to move their cart... for you... when you could easily step around it? And you call east coasters entitled? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

1) I think your friend is reading too much into the shopping cart incident.

2) I don't think passive aggressive means what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the midwest, been east coast most of my life, spent plenty of time with family and friends on the west coast.

I have no idea what you people are talking about and think some people get their needs met by stirring a bitter pot

Maybe try something else. Netflix is a relatively cheap fix.