Passive-aggression on the west coast vs outright "aggression" on the east coast

[Anonymous]

I'm a WC native who finds East Coast people's directness refreshing. Few things drive me up the wall more than wasting time trying to decide what someone really wants because they won't just come out and say it!

That said, there's a fine line between "direct" and "rude." I plan to retire to Colorado, where it's a nice balance - people there are plainspoken but also chill about it.

[Anonymous]

The DMV is one of the most passive aggressive places on earth. So i’m not sure what the original poster is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

...or you could try to be less clueless and move your cart over so people can pass. East coasters are rude and entitled. If you start treating other people like humans with feelings too, you might be surprised at the responses you get.

NP here. I have lived all along the east coast and the "need to make a statement" ie: leaving cart in the way, staying in the way, glaring at people who "challenge" you (whether or not they really are doing that), being a general rude, high maintenance PITA (but poorly feigning ignorance), is absolutely specific to the D.C. area. You won't notice unless you have different points of reference, and have lived elsewhere for enough time. Don't get me started on the driving, which makes other parts of the country "known" for bad driving, look good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (native Northern Virginian) do not respond well to passive-aggression. If someone were to stare at my cart expecting me to move it, they are welcome to stare the whole gosh darn cotton-pick in' day. If they do not use their words, how am I supposed to know what they want? I am not a mind reader. If they want to behave like an adult and use their words, however, I am happy to move. Duh.

I love how you fight passive aggressive behavior with MORE passive aggressive behavior while claiming to hate passive aggressive behavior. Hilarious.

[Anonymous]

I grew up on the left coast, have lived on the east one for two decades now.

When I moved out here, I was taken aback at how East Coast people brag about themselves. I went to school here, I had this grade point, I am this accomplished, tell me about yourself so I may one-up you, etc. Do that on the west coast and people think you're an asshole. They don't tell you that, but that's what they think of you.

On the west coast, your whole goal is to look like you're barely working when you are busting your ass behind the scenes. You might have gotten a 102 by acing the extra credit on the exam, but when anyone asks how did on the test, you just say, "I did okay." You DO NOT tell them your actual score, compare notes, and boast about yourself. It is not done.

So yes, west coast people think east coast people are mostly assholes. We won't tell you that, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The DMV is one of the most passive aggressive places on earth. So i’m not sure what the original poster is talking about.

+1

I'd say Northeast vs. the rest of the country is the better comparison.

[Anonymous]

Lol this is a weird post and who cares.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on the left coast, have lived on the east one for two decades now.

When I moved out here, I was taken aback at how East Coast people brag about themselves. I went to school here, I had this grade point, I am this accomplished, tell me about yourself so I may one-up you, etc. Do that on the west coast and people think you're an asshole. They don't tell you that, but that's what they think of you.

On the west coast, your whole goal is to look like you're barely working when you are busting your ass behind the scenes. You might have gotten a 102 by acing the extra credit on the exam, but when anyone asks how did on the test, you just say, "I did okay." You DO NOT tell them your actual score, compare notes, and boast about yourself. It is not done.

So yes, west coast people think east coast people are mostly assholes. We won't tell you that, though.

Good, no reason for you to visit the east coast then....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

...or you could try to be less clueless and move your cart over so people can pass. East coasters are rude and entitled. If you start treating other people like humans with feelings too, you might be surprised at the responses you get.

NP here. I have lived all along the east coast and the "need to make a statement" ie: leaving cart in the way, staying in the way, glaring at people who "challenge" you (whether or not they really are doing that), being a general rude, high maintenance PITA (but poorly feigning ignorance), is absolutely specific to the D.C. area. You won't notice unless you have different points of reference, and have lived elsewhere for enough time. Don't get me started on the driving, which makes other parts of the country "known" for bad driving, look good.

100% agree. People often seem so angry and put-out here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on the left coast, have lived on the east one for two decades now.

When I moved out here, I was taken aback at how East Coast people brag about themselves. I went to school here, I had this grade point, I am this accomplished, tell me about yourself so I may one-up you, etc. Do that on the west coast and people think you're an asshole. They don't tell you that, but that's what they think of you.

On the west coast, your whole goal is to look like you're barely working when you are busting your ass behind the scenes. You might have gotten a 102 by acing the extra credit on the exam, but when anyone asks how did on the test, you just say, "I did okay." You DO NOT tell them your actual score, compare notes, and boast about yourself. It is not done.

So yes, west coast people think east coast people are mostly assholes. We won't tell you that, though.

Good, no reason for you to visit the east coast then....

DP, east coaster/DMV native. I think that the economic industry may play into things. People are low key hiding fame and power - and escape to the richest hills and mountains by the ocean to have privacy. So not talking about anything is normal. You have people that spend their industry focusing on waiting for others to applaud for them. So I get the approach.

Here is the consideration fot the DC side. Here, there is power, but we have to coordinate with everyone - and sharing information is helpful and resourcesful. We are short on time, we are all over worked and under paid civilians, contractors, whatever in this rat race -- and we arent doing it for money so much as public service. I think that is why people ask about the work in this area - it is really really interesting to know how someone you are near is connected to you and how you can help the other person/vice versa. It absolutely isnt a one upmanship.

I do think that is unique to DC.

In NYC, I get that the pace is faster because Wall Street's clock is always ticking, and the power plays may be more aggressive intentionally because again, different driving industries there. Finance, Fashion, lots of diversity -- people are letting you know who they are because everyone is different. If you cant tell by looking at them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East coaster that worked on the west coast for a min.
It made me so much more aggressive and confrontational. I literally wanted to punch everyone in the face.
But yoga also makes me angry.
So...yeah.

This is what I'm worried about. I recently moved to the Pacific NW and, while i've lived in LA also, people here seem to be be west coast passive aggression x10. Everyone just seems so... easily offended and downright crazy to me. Like something that would be NBD on the east coast becomes a huge deal here. I have a friend who lives in Seattle and she was telling me how, if her cart happens to be in the way of how someone is walking (as in, not blocking the aisle, just on her side of the aisle that they are walking through) instead of going around, they will stop and literally stare at her, like glaring at her, waiting for her to move for them. Having been here, I can totally imagine that. It's a very weird set of social codes that, to me, seems to be built on a bedrock of wanting to feel angry/aggrieved. And... it's working on me! I feel annoyed and upset every time I leave my apartment, which is not a problem I've ever had before. And, of course, I'm a very upfront person, so my instinct is to address it, but any Pacific NWer that I have seen have someone ask about their passive aggression... just denies that this kind of environment exists. It's just "I think everyone is super pleasant"- so you are made out to be crazy.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. But it worries me because I can feel it make me more of a miserable, confrontational person because of the constant passive aggression over things that are truly so irrelevant and minor. And I worry that I made a huge mistake moving here.

...or you could try to be less clueless and move your cart over so people can pass. East coasters are rude and entitled. If you start treating other people like humans with feelings too, you might be surprised at the responses you get.

NP here. I have lived all along the east coast and the "need to make a statement" ie: leaving cart in the way, staying in the way, glaring at people who "challenge" you (whether or not they really are doing that), being a general rude, high maintenance PITA (but poorly feigning ignorance), is absolutely specific to the D.C. area. You won't notice unless you have different points of reference, and have lived elsewhere for enough time. Don't get me started on the driving, which makes other parts of the country "known" for bad driving, look good.

100% agree. People often seem so angry and put-out here.

+1. I am from this area, and have always thought this. Interestingly enough, people always ask me if I am from California. Only visited a handful times in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord let me tell you what its like being Puerto Rican in Seattle lol

Mexican here I use to live in Seattle, then Bellevue and finally in Redmond. I’m in Austin now and being a Latina in the PNW was sure interesting, different and bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The DMV is one of the most passive aggressive places on earth. So i’m not sure what the original poster is talking about.

Exactly, OP should be comparing west coast to New York

[Anonymous]

Funny. I'm a native East Coaster with half of my family on West Coast, and I'll say the most passive-aggressive region of the country is...

..the Upper Midwest.

"Minnesota Nice" is complete BS. It's passive-aggressive behavior and backstabbing behavior perfected.

Lived in the Twin Cities for four years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny. I'm a native East Coaster with half of my family on West Coast, and I'll say the most passive-aggressive region of the country is...

..the Upper Midwest.

"Minnesota Nice" is complete BS. It's passive-aggressive behavior and backstabbing behavior perfected.

Lived in the Twin Cities for four years.

I use to live in Milwaukee, I can’t argue with you about the “Minnesota Nice”. It’s being nice and polite to your face but as soon as you are away some of the rudest things are said in a very polite manner.