"You agreed to give your body to me" What?
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Anonymous
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I'm assuming the other thread is a spinoff to this one.
No, OP, you don't lose control of your body when you get married. Your husband was wrong to say that. That said, I do think that sex is part of a healthy marriage. This is exactly why I think it's a bad idea to wait until you get married to have sex because you never really establish if you are well matched in that regard. It's possible that you aren't really attracted to your husband, but you assume you don't like sex because you've never experienced it with another man. It's also possible that you aren't interested in sex. And that's fine, too. But the bottom line is that it is implied when you get married that sex will be part of the relationship, and that's why you pledge fidelity. If you are uninterested in sex, that is totally fine, but you shouldn't expect your husband to live a life of celibacy. Perhaps you can agree to an open marriage. Or perhaps divorce is an option, especially if you don't have children yet. |
Anonymous
| If you aren't having sex you aren't really having a marriage. You can call it what you want, but you are roommates with kids. |
Anonymous
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My advice isn't to OP. It's to her husband. His statement is a turn-off, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because he sounds needy. Women don't like needy, especially with small kids around.
He needs to read the thread about doing a 180, about stop caring about the marriage. It worked for me, my marriage. I checked out, my wife checked back in. I don't know why it works, but it does. Perhaps it signals you aren't needy or you have options. |
Anonymous
Well, here's where I lose sympathy. Most of the religious that demand virginity do it as part of the concept that you are giving yourself to your spouse. So, in a religious framework, that's likely where his statement came from. If you're going to buy into the virginity/purity until marriage thing, then I don't get why you're taken aback at the "you give your body to your spouse" thing. Seems to me that all goes together. While some are disgusted by your husband's comments, I get equally repulsed by the religious concept that a woman should remain a virgin until she gets married. But that's your choice. While you may not regret it at all, I'm sure your husband does because likely this low libido thing would have come up before getting married if you hadn't waited. And then he could have gone into the marriage eyes wide open (meaning, if he had known you had low interest in sex before getting married, he'd be making the choice to proceed anyhow and accept that kind of marriage). I'm sure I'll get flamed for this. And maybe I have no sympathy for your husband either if he put a lot of stock in "marrying a virgin." I'm not a "virgin shamer." I'm fine with someone making that choice. But you reap the consequences of that. If you want to make a big deal about not having sex before marriage, then don't expect sympathy when you find out you're sexually mismatched after you get married. And yes, I'm sure it works out for some people. They are virgins when they get married, and it all works out because, luckily, they are sexually compatible. But it's a gamble you take. I also understand that having sex and knowing sexual compatibility before marriage doesn't ensure that it will stay that way. But it helps if at least at the start of the marriage, you know you are both sort of equally matched in libido, et cetera. |
Anonymous
Except after you marry and DW says she was only high drive because she wanted to be liked and have a relationship, and to admit she is low drive after turning the marriage sexless |
Anonymous
So have more oral for you. And more intercourse for him. Simple. |
Anonymous
Positive reinforcement works. Punishment doesn't. When you stop making demands on people, they can give you what they want to give. When that is met with appreciation and happiness and positive reinforcement, they feel like giving more because it made you happy and that made them happy. It's really hard to engage with a spouse when you feel like you are being constantly criticized and nothing you do will ever be good enough. |
Anonymous
Only if she is good in bed. |
Anonymous
There is no need for you to be so judgmental of other people when you are asking for advice. Sex is more important to some people than others. They have higher sex drives and it's very difficult for them to go with out. Many women also don't being emotionally blackmailed into sex, which is what your husband is doing. It's not nice. You may be perfectly happy with less sex and an emotionally coercive husband but not everybody is. |
Anonymous
Op do you have a vibrator? |
Anonymous
| OP, did you have a sex drive before you met and married your DH? Never having a sex drive is different than having one and losing it during marriage. |
Anonymous
| Do people not take seriously their marriage vow "to have and to hold" (and to be had and be held)? That sounds to me like a solemn promise not to withhold sex. |
Anonymous
| Can you get away together? Drink some wine, bring some lube and try to get it going again? Maybe try having sex everyday for a week? Give him BJ's? Sometimes you need to up the frequency to get your libido on track. |
Anonymous
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I think your husband's choice of words were not the best, but try to understand....He just may be super-frustrated at not having sex for such a long time.
Men usually require sex a lot more than their Female counterparts. I think you should seek the professional services of a sex therapist in order to figure out your aversion to being intimate w/your husband. It may not be something that you can figure out on your own unfortunately. 
Best of luck to both you & your husband. |
Anonymous
| Was he a virgin too? Are you two open about sex and communicating what you like? Would he be cool bringing in toys like a bullet? Will he give more oral? A lot of women find it works to receive oral then finish with PIV and everyone is happy. |