"You agreed to give your body to me" What?

[Anonymous]

Don't make this about the virgin thing, which I knew this was going to start with. I was a virgin when I got married (NP) here. DH and I have a highly active (every single day) and high satisfying (we are very, very, very sexually compatible) sex life.

So I don't want to hear about sex-negative talk on virgins here. Yes, it is sex-negative. Some women are virgins till marriage because they belong to fundamentalist religious sects, some women are virgins till marriage because we're highly sensitive and idealistic. Some virgins know their sexual needs and triggers really well, some aren't able to do that. Some virgins are confident, assertive and good at communication, some aren't.

I hate when this forum starts with its sex-negative virgin-shaming bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That statement is so incredibly repulsive. Try saying that type of thing back to DH and see how he feels about his body being given to someone else.

As a man, yes I agreed to give my body to my wife, and only my wife (not just "someone else"), when we married. That was kind of a key point of the vows.

[Anonymous]

OP are you guys very religious?

[Anonymous]

Guess he is voting for Trump. Does he like Tic Tacs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP are you guys very religious?

OP here. I would say yes, religious, moderately so at least. That was the reason I married as a virgin, which despite all the virgin shamers out there, I do not regret at all.

I see that maybe he meant better than he said. I was taken aback by the wording. I do sometimes wish I liked sex more but really don't know how to change that. Counseling? Sex therapy? Books? Then sometimes I just don't really care. We did have enough sex to have two kids who I adore. But if we never had sex again, I would be fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you guys very religious?

OP here. I would say yes, religious, moderately so at least. That was the reason I married as a virgin, which despite all the virgin shamers out there, I do not regret at all.

I see that maybe he meant better than he said. I was taken aback by the wording. I do sometimes wish I liked sex more but really don't know how to change that. Counseling? Sex therapy? Books? Then sometimes I just don't really care. We did have enough sex to have two kids who I adore. But if we never had sex again, I would be fine with that.

Have you ever had an orgasm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you guys very religious?

OP here. I would say yes, religious, moderately so at least. That was the reason I married as a virgin, which despite all the virgin shamers out there, I do not regret at all.

I see that maybe he meant better than he said. I was taken aback by the wording. I do sometimes wish I liked sex more but really don't know how to change that. Counseling? Sex therapy? Books? Then sometimes I just don't really care. We did have enough sex to have two kids who I adore. But if we never had sex again, I would be fine with that.

You do realize that means you have a low drive, right? I am not shaming you but I am pointing it out so you realize that there are people who have no interest in living without sex for a week, much less for the rest of our lives. It's a lot easier to say you were a virgin for religious reasons, even if true, than to say you are also low drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't make this about the virgin thing, which I knew this was going to start with. I was a virgin when I got married (NP) here. DH and I have a highly active (every single day) and high satisfying (we are very, very, very sexually compatible) sex life.

So I don't want to hear about sex-negative talk on virgins here. Yes, it is sex-negative. Some women are virgins till marriage because they belong to fundamentalist religious sects, some women are virgins till marriage because we're highly sensitive and idealistic. Some virgins know their sexual needs and triggers really well, some aren't able to do that. Some virgins are confident, assertive and good at communication, some aren't.

I hate when this forum starts with its sex-negative virgin-shaming bullshit.

I see nothing at all wrong with being a virgin at marriage, but it's relevant if part of the reason was that the woman isn't very sexually driven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have had a below average sex life all along, and lately it's been pretty much nonexistent. I was a virgin when we married and honestly I have never really liked sex. He told me recently after an argument about sex that "when we got married you agreed to give your body to me." What?? I know, he's not attacking me, so I don't want to say he's all rapey, and we actually get along quite well in other areas, but am I wrong to think that was a horrible thing to say? Do we give our bodies to our husbands when we marry them?

Read the bold OP...
That's what you need to be stressing over not foolish words said in frustration.

[Anonymous]

Some man and women see sex as something a woman gives a man. It is tied up in the virgin and religion thing...as in you(the virgin) give yourself to your husband.

[Anonymous]

There is something about the way that is phrased that is really gross and repulsive to me. I know what he means but...:/ That would be a huge turn off for me! (sort of the opposite of what he is going for here, lol).

Anyway yeah, in terms of practicality, people expect to have frequent sex when they get married. I doubt anyone puts a number on it but if they did it would probably be at least once a week. It's part of the "deal" for most people.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband expressed himself badly, but he's got a point. He expected a certain amount of sex to be part of marriage. You gave your bodies to each other. It's a two-way street.

It turns out you don't like it, you won't do it, and you don't care to investigate ways to explore your sexuality or make it better (with all the resources available!).

So you made a one-sided decision that he has to live like a celibate priest, and that's not fair or loving of you. Even if it were okay with you that he gets sex elsewhere, he would probably feel bad doing that, and want to be with you.

I think you should start reading sex manuals, buy some sex toys, and do some discovery with him. It would be healthy and positive for you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you guys very religious?

OP here. I would say yes, religious, moderately so at least. That was the reason I married as a virgin, which despite all the virgin shamers out there, I do not regret at all.

I see that maybe he meant better than he said. I was taken aback by the wording. I do sometimes wish I liked sex more but really don't know how to change that. Counseling? Sex therapy? Books? Then sometimes I just don't really care. We did have enough sex to have two kids who I adore. But if we never had sex again, I would be fine with that.

You do realize that means you have a low drive, right? I am not shaming you but I am pointing it out so you realize that there are people who have no interest in living without sex for a week, much less for the rest of our lives. It's a lot easier to say you were a virgin for religious reasons, even if true, than to say you are also low drive.

It's could also mean, and I'm saying this gently and kindly, not to be sensational, that OP is not heterosexual. For one anecdote, a writer for Orange Is the New Black wrote about how she realized she was gay when she started in that job. She was married to a man at the time and had never been into sex.

[Anonymous]

I agree it was a poor choice of wording on behalf of your DH. However, if you want zero sex with your husband, why get married? You're just friends. Period.

[Anonymous]

"I don't give my body to anyone. It's mine until I die. I agree to *share* my body with you, when and how I choose to."