"You agreed to give your body to me" What?

[Anonymous]

your post OP is exactly why staying a virgin until marriage is a HUGE mistake. Now you are both paying for this. You would probably enjoy sex more wtih a different man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you guys very religious?

OP here. I would say yes, religious, moderately so at least. That was the reason I married as a virgin, which despite all the virgin shamers out there, I do not regret at all.

I see that maybe he meant better than he said. I was taken aback by the wording. I do sometimes wish I liked sex more but really don't know how to change that. Counseling? Sex therapy? Books? Then sometimes I just don't really care. We did have enough sex to have two kids who I adore. But if we never had sex again, I would be fine with that.

Well, here's where I lose sympathy. Most of the religious that demand virginity do it as part of the concept that you are giving yourself to your spouse. So, in a religious framework, that's likely where his statement came from. If you're going to buy into the virginity/purity until marriage thing, then I don't get why you're taken aback at the "you give your body to your spouse" thing. Seems to me that all goes together.

While some are disgusted by your husband's comments, I get equally repulsed by the religious concept that a woman should remain a virgin until she gets married. But that's your choice.

While you may not regret it at all, I'm sure your husband does because likely this low libido thing would have come up before getting married if you hadn't waited. And then he could have gone into the marriage eyes wide open (meaning, if he had known you had low interest in sex before getting married, he'd be making the choice to proceed anyhow and accept that kind of marriage).

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this. And maybe I have no sympathy for your husband either if he put a lot of stock in "marrying a virgin."

I'm not a "virgin shamer." I'm fine with someone making that choice. But you reap the consequences of that. If you want to make a big deal about not having sex before marriage, then don't expect sympathy when you find out you're sexually mismatched after you get married.

And yes, I'm sure it works out for some people. They are virgins when they get married, and it all works out because, luckily, they are sexually compatible. But it's a gamble you take.

I also understand that having sex and knowing sexual compatibility before marriage doesn't ensure that it will stay that way. But it helps if at least at the start of the marriage, you know you are both sort of equally matched in libido, et cetera.

OP how can you not regret this? You have set up a toxic dynamic in your marriage, he will likely cheat and you are terribly naive about all of it. And the real rub is that you have no idea on the awesomeness you are missing out on.

[Anonymous]

Oh for Heaven's sake. Why do you have to take offense at every. little. thing?

Wedding vows mean you are giving yourself to your spouse. It works that way for *both* parties. When given to your spouse, it means it can't be given to anyone else. Don't read every thing as an insult!

"Rapey" is not a word. It's femnobabble. Expecting sex in marriage is 100% normal. Consent is almost always presumed in marriage but No, no one is saying a man can rape his wife whenever he wants to. Of course, either party has the right to refuse sex. If it's repeated over and over though it is eventually grounds for cheating or divorce but no, it doesn't mean he can rape her at will. If that's the case, she would have told us in the OP that he followed through with the action after telling her she gave him her body. That's not the case and it's not what happened.

Geez. How hard is life looking around every corner for a reason to be offended??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that people assume OP is low drive because she's said she doesn't like sex. She's only ever had sex with her husband. Maybe he's not good in bed.

Sounds like OP's husband needs to work on that.

Maybe she is bad in bed? You ever think of that? Sounds like OP needs to work on that!

Probably neither one of them are good in bed since they've only had eachother as partners and been sexually active for a few years. Thems the breaks when you hold onto virginity until marriage. Caveat emptor.

This. It's quite the gamble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I totally disagree with this. OP's husband is basically saying that he interprets their marriage vows as including a promise that the relationship will be sexual. OP disagrees. I don't think that either party's view is necessarily unreasonable, and if their marriage is premised on a misunderstanding on this point, they either need to work through it or go their separate ways.

Say what? It is TOTALLY unreasonable for anyone to think marriage vows do not promise a sexual relationship.

[Anonymous]

There are books about sex and intimacy for conservative and religious couples. (Someone tried to send me one---that was an awkward, and unwanted shower gift) but maybe it would be useful to you. One was called "Sheet Music" by Dr. Lehman (Christian) another "The Newlyweds Guide to Physical Intimacy" by Jennie Rosenfield (Jewish)