Why do people refuse to be realistic about the consequences of long term relationships?

[Anonymous]

A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ok OP, so you have a low drive. no biggie. but some of us have a high drive and also have a spouse with a high drive. is it always 4th of July fireworks every time we have sex, no. but I'm lucky my DH is a great lover and takes care of my needs first. so that is just one of many reasons I want to have sex multiple times a week with him - and he's a pretty happy guy.

and we have 3 kids (teens/pre-teens) and both work full-time.

High drive high drive marriage here. My spouse is a great lover. However, doesn't much matter. Having sex with the same person 3xs a week is a complete bore

I love scallops. I don't want to eat scallops for dinner every single night, for the next 20 years, no matter how incredible the diversity of the preparation. I'm sure others would be happy with scallops forever and ever.

THIS!!!! Human beings just want new and strange. That's how it is. We (mostly) take it personally but maybe we shouldn't.

So what is the solution to this problem?

Be thankful for what you have and realize it is much better that 90% of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

10% isn't much.

So I'll go from thinking about sex ten times an hour to nine. Big fucking deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

10% isn't much.

So I'll go from thinking about sex ten times an hour to nine. Big fucking deal.

Is that how science works, 10% less testosterone is directly correlated with desire. No. Also 40 % of men 40+ deal with some ED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other side of the coin here. My DH and I are exhausted running after our very young children and it's just not there. I've talked to him and the feeling is mutual. That doesn't mean our marriage is dead; we spend a lot of time together and with the kids. I don't begrudge him and I am fairly certain he does not me. Could he be lying? I really doubt it, given how time consuming our family is on both of us. Strangely enough, I'm not exactly pining over the loss; I have enough on my plate. I can't imagine doing what I do AND being horny as hell. Maybe the libido will come back, maybe it won't. It's just not that important to me.

What I'm getting from some of you is that it's almost like a high you're not willing to give up. Amiright?

I am a frustrated high drive male, and I believe you that you and your husband are fine without sex. As I have learned here, some men are,low drive, and you are so lucky you found a perfect match!

Sex drive isn't a high. Its a need. Its like a hunger and your partner has the food. An itch and your partner is only one who can scratch. Yes the high comes during the act, followed by a binding love. Buys it's more of a need than a want for those who have strong libidos

A DW here with a higher drive than her husband, this is very well said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

With respect, there are experiences in life some genders will never understand. I will never know what its like to give birth, to nurse, to feel totally tapped and touched out and never want sex when there are toddlers. I can relate but I won't get it.

If you aren't a man, with normal testosterone, you won't ever understand what a male sex drive feels like. How obsessive it can become to want and seek sex. Which is why men sleep with random prostitutes. And consume endless porn. And occupy Ashley Madison at 10:1 ratios over women. Pour money away at strip clubs. Have sex in rest areas when closeted.

Yes, it's controllable which is why 99% of men have no problem going through life without sexually assaulting women. Yes, my sex drive at 40 isn't what it was at 18 - I generally only masturbate 1x per day, when I was 18 it was 2-3x a day. Erections aren't as good as they used to be. I think about sex often but not constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The women on here are telling you your wives need romance and excitement in their lives to be turned on and you refuse to listen. I mean, if you're not going to try, why should they??

That's fine, the question is why those women who need romance and excitement expect someone else to provide it for them. These women are lazy. They should make their own lives exciting and romantic if that's what they want. That bad attitude--everything must be done for ME--is precisely the problem. Selfish, lazy women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

10% isn't much.

So I'll go from thinking about sex ten times an hour to nine. Big fucking deal.

Is that how science works, 10% less testosterone is directly correlated with desire. No. Also 40 % of men 40+ deal with some ED.

Reread what you just wrote. Now consider the fact ED has 0% (zero) correlation with desire.
ED is a physical performance issue. The guys with ED are equally desirous as the guys without ED. That is why viagra is so successful with men: the baseline mental desire never left, and the drug treats the blood flow symptom.

Consider also that while millions of older men are ecstatic over viagra, millions of older women hate the drug because she preferred not having sex anymore. Google that if you don't believe me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

says a woman who is finding justification for not having enough with her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

10% isn't much.

So I'll go from thinking about sex ten times an hour to nine. Big fucking deal.

Is that how science works, 10% less testosterone is directly correlated with desire. No. Also 40 % of men 40+ deal with some ED.

Reread what you just wrote. Now consider the fact ED has 0% (zero) correlation with desire.
ED is a physical performance issue. The guys with ED are equally desirous as the guys without ED. That is why viagra is so successful with men: the baseline mental desire never left, and the drug treats the blood flow symptom.

Consider also that while millions of older men are ecstatic over viagra, millions of older women hate the drug because she preferred not having sex anymore. Google that if you don't believe me.

Goggle why the 1st woman Viagra study failed. The scientist was trying to explain why the study failed and eventually said, we did not control for assholes. We did not control for men that treat their wives as if the must have sex to save their marriage instead it only work for marriages where the man just lovingly wants his wife to enjoy sex but loves her and is committed even if they can't.

When they controlled the study for men that are loving husbands the drug was successful.

Long story short, some low libidos are induced by the way men treat their husbands. I don't mean romance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

says a woman who is finding justification for not having enough with her DH.

My H and I had lots of sex until he became ill, 9 months a go. We tried to force it for about 4 months which took an emotional toll on him.

I take care of business by myself 3 times a week.

I don't blame him for his body failing him.

Men want to believe it is different for them, it's not, well adjusted women (and men) just handle hard times better that others. We are stronger and more equipped emotionally.

You issue is not rare and it is not just men, it isn't even a big problem compared to most people with real problems. You just are not good at being a partner.

This thread is about consequences of a long term relationship, and I am realistic.

[Anonymous]

My H and I had lots of sex until he became ill, 9 months a go. We tried to force it for about 4 months which took an emotional toll on him.

I take care of business by myself 3 times a week.

I don't blame him for his body failing him.

Men want to believe it is different for them, it's not, well adjusted women (and men) just handle hard times better that others. We are stronger and more equipped emotionally.

You issue is not rare and it is not just men, it isn't even a big problem compared to most people with real problems. You just are not good at being a partner.

This thread is about consequences of a long term relationship, and I am realistic.

Most men married to women who couldn't physically have sex would be understanding, as you are. Big difference between a partner that physically can't have sex and one who just won't because they don't want to.

If you loved to go out on date nights, and you can't any longer with your husband because he is hospitalized, you aren't going to be resentful towards him as the husband that is perfectly capable but just doesn't want to.

Hugs to you, either way its a sad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H and I had lots of sex until he became ill, 9 months a go. We tried to force it for about 4 months which took an emotional toll on him.

I take care of business by myself 3 times a week.

I don't blame him for his body failing him.

Men want to believe it is different for them, it's not, well adjusted women (and men) just handle hard times better that others. We are stronger and more equipped emotionally.

You issue is not rare and it is not just men, it isn't even a big problem compared to most people with real problems. You just are not good at being a partner.

This thread is about consequences of a long term relationship, and I am realistic.

Most men married to women who couldn't physically have sex would be understanding, as you are. Big difference between a partner that physically can't have sex and one who just won't because they don't want to.

If you loved to go out on date nights, and you can't any longer with your husband because he is hospitalized, you aren't going to be resentful towards him as the husband that is perfectly capable but just doesn't want to.

Hugs to you, either way its a sad situation.

I disagree that low libido is not a medical issue. Google cortisol overload. Also this thread is a spin off from a man that is angry at once a week ...ONCE A WEEK... and the fact his wife does seem more into it, yet she is fully engaged and has orgasms.

This thread is about unrealistic expectations.

Btw, I still might divorce my H...not because he can't have sex,but the frustration from his medical issue has turned him into an asshole. I don't mean sexual frustration, just his inability to deal with (emotionally) getting old and illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A healthy male sex drive doesn't fade much. Its not a want. If you have never felt a strong drive, there is no analogy. But turn on the Discovery channel, watch a couple of male rams but heads for the right to mate. Or wolves fight to the death, or lions kill cubs to get the female in heat.

Yes, yes of course humans have rational brains that can control a man fro, raping, killing. But the drive is still there, eating away until it's released. Our species depends on the it

Not true.

By 40 men's testosterone has decreased by 10%. Also they don't get as big and hard, their recovery time is longer.

http://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sex-drive#Overview1

Men are socialized to not control their desires it's not biology.

With respect, there are experiences in life some genders will never understand. I will never know what its like to give birth, to nurse, to feel totally tapped and touched out and never want sex when there are toddlers. I can relate but I won't get it.

If you aren't a man, with normal testosterone, you won't ever understand what a male sex drive feels like. How obsessive it can become to want and seek sex. Which is why men sleep with random prostitutes. And consume endless porn. And occupy Ashley Madison at 10:1 ratios over women. Pour money away at strip clubs. Have sex in rest areas when closeted.

Yes, it's controllable which is why 99% of men have no problem going through life without sexually assaulting women. Yes, my sex drive at 40 isn't what it was at 18 - I generally only masturbate 1x per day, when I was 18 it was 2-3x a day. Erections aren't as good as they used to be. I think about sex often but not constantly.

I agree that people don't understand gender, masculinity and sexual desire... All 3 are different things. I think you probably are mixing the 3.

Men are socialized to believe they are masculine by having sex, that is not testosterone driven.

Just like women are socialized to give birth and parent. That is not estrogen driven.

What you are confusing with drive is your socialization to believe if you have more sex you are masculine ... If you have less sex you are feminine... But men think victim... Which psychologically often are thought of as the same thing, by men.

It's like a woman who wants 4 kids but her H stops at 2. She may feel an "urge" to have more. That is not biological, that is socialized. She may be disappointed but that is her own reaction and she can change that reaction.

Men are socialized to think they have an urge for sex, but in reality they were socialized to believe if they are not getting sex from a woman, their wife, they are not manly. The urge is to feel manly not to have sex. You can change your way of thinking about masculinity if you wanted but most men don't know that, they claim it is biologically driven.

What is funny is it is easier to lower drive than it is to increase drive. Men could lower their drive to meet their wife's drive with a simple pill. But they are socialized to believe their wife should take a pill to change her drive to match his.