Why do people refuse to be realistic about the consequences of long term relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We tell teens/young adults that mastrabation is a normal healthy exploration of your own body. But men are socialized to believe that mastrabation after marriage is a failure to "get it from your wife" and women are socialized to believe they need to "give it to their husbands" instead of enjoying it alone. Men make women feel like they "cheated" if they mastrabate once a week and have sex with their H once a week. The H want that 2nd time too, as if the woman is not allowed to enjoy herself without her H anymore.

Masturbation isn't the same as sex. A lot of women seem to think a man's desire for sex is just a desire for orgasm. But it's more than that. My wife's body isn't some sort of overly-complicated masturbation aid. It's a way I can feel that she loves me. When she's rejecting my initiations, we have sex once a month or less, and she's masturbating in the interim -- you bet I feel rejected and unloved. It means she wants sexual activity, just not with me. I know it's more complicated than that (after all I just said that masturbation isn't the same as sex), but that doesn't change the feeling of rejection and being unloved.

Even more so because I check all the boxes that supposedly lead to love (and, by extension I irrationally assume, sex). I've been loyal and faithful for the 20 years of our marriage. I'm a good, active dad. I do plenty around the house. I bring home a good income. I'm in good shape. I'm funny (and modest!). I treat her with kindness and respect. I enjoy foreplay and enjoy sex much more if she's having orgasms. I'd be up for just about any sexual twist, kink, or fantasy if she had one and would tell me. I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty good. And our marriage is pretty good. But the sex is pretty much gone, and it sucks.

Do you know if your wife was ALLOWED to mastrabate more her body would crave sex more.

Do you know if you would look at less porn, you would crave sex less.

You could meet in the middle.

But you were socialized to treat your wife badly if she just want to enjoy an orgasm by herself because you have decided it's a negative impact on you, when in reality it would increase her sex drive.

You in turn watch porn and mastrabate like a punished little boy which adds to the problem and increases your sex drive.

You have it backwards.

You should read the science behind libido and women's sexuality and not go on what you learned in college and from porn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have sex pretty much every other night, (save for periods,illness or chaos) we've been together for 20 years and we will regularly refer to each other as the gift that keeps on giving.

We have far more sex now than we did in our late 20's or mid 30's; we have three kids and all the stress that goes along with them. Ive never understood why some make such a big deal out of sex in long term relationships- it's 20 minutes, if you're not into it in the beginning you will be after a few minutes, everybody has an orgasm (or 4) and you go to bed and wake up happy. It's a lot harder to be mad at someone who refuses to turn his socks right side out when you've ridden him less than 12 hrs before.

this ^ is the only sane post in this thread

[Anonymous]

The anti-porn crusader doesn't seem to understand male libido. Male sexuality is like water flowing downstream. If there is a wall, it will climb over the wall after it builds up. You can create an opening and let it flow through your wife, but if that access is cut off, it will flow somewhere else. For men trying to stay faithful, that ends up in porn. For men who aren't faithful, that becomes an AP. There is no stopping the flow. Its not something you can turn off, unless you want to use libido killing meds.

Men watch porn because they are aroused. After orgasm, men lose interest in porn. Men watch porn because they don't have access to sex with their wives. If you had sex with your husband more, he would watch less porn.

You can insist your husband watch less porn but it won't lower his libido, it will redirect his sexual attention to you. Which is great, as long as you are willing to receive it.