Why do people refuse to be realistic about the consequences of long term relationships?

[Anonymous]

Every other day there is a post on here about sexual frequency and complaints about the sex drying up in long term relationships. Um, welcome to earth? No it's not just you!! This has ALWAYS been an issue throughout the ages. People have really never heard about this problem before?? I mean, it's unfortunate, depending upon your pov, but that's life. It's what happens. A LOT of people need novelty, excitement, and tension to turn them on and those things are just not going to be present in super long relationships. I'm really curious if people think it is actually realistic to expect to have hot, spontaneous sex 3-4 a week after you've been married for 16 YEARS (and probably together for closer to twenty)? Even hot, spontaneous sex once a week, every week for years on end. Once in a while? Sure. Duty sex one or twice a week? Yes. But the rest? I mean really.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP. It comes across as willfully obtuse. It's like thinking death is a problem other people will have to face but not you. The end of the honeymoon phase is something every long term couple weathers to some degree.

[Anonymous]

I agree that this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, but most of the recent posters have been baffled at their spouse's unwillingness to even try. No, no one should expect thrills and chills five times a week after 16 years, but if your routine has boiled down to once a week, or worse, once a month, it's not asking too much that that one episode of duty sex not feel like just another chore.

I only heard the term "starfish" very recently and the idea is so gross, I don't know how anyone can even go through with it. If there are underlying problems that need to be addressed that's understandable, but when people say "we have a great marriage otherwise!" and then can't muster the slightest bit of enthusiasm for their spouse that one time, I can certainly see how that would be confusing and frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Okay OP but life is short. It's not that we didn't realize the passion would die back, it's that we thought we could live without it. And speaking only for my self, not willing to live without it.

[Anonymous]

I just image how bad it must have been before indoor plumbing and then I feel good about life again.

[Anonymous]

What does starfish mean?

[Anonymous]

The women on here are telling you your wives need romance and excitement in their lives to be turned on and you refuse to listen. I mean, if you're not going to try, why should they??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does starfish mean?

A monger term for just laying there and looking pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every other day there is a post on here about sexual frequency and complaints about the sex drying up in long term relationships. Um, welcome to earth? No it's not just you!! This has ALWAYS been an issue throughout the ages. People have really never heard about this problem before?? I mean, it's unfortunate, depending upon your pov, but that's life. It's what happens. A LOT of people need novelty, excitement, and tension to turn them on and those things are just not going to be present in super long relationships. I'm really curious if people think it is actually realistic to expect to have hot, spontaneous sex 3-4 a week after you've been married for 16 YEARS (and probably together for closer to twenty)? Even hot, spontaneous sex once a week, every week for years on end. Once in a while? Sure. Duty sex one or twice a week? Yes. But the rest? I mean really.

You are spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does starfish mean?

Imagine this... on your bed, with his arms out like a starfish wondering why you don't want to have sex with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does starfish mean?

Yes, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay OP but life is short. It's not that we didn't realize the passion would die back, it's that we thought we could live without it. And speaking only for my self, not willing to live without it.

Well you cannot force passion, so an affair for you it is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, but most of the recent posters have been baffled at their spouse's unwillingness to even try. No, no one should expect thrills and chills five times a week after 16 years, but if your routine has boiled down to once a week, or worse, once a month, it's not asking too much that that one episode of duty sex not feel like just another chore.

.

Jeez though, think about it. So the husband wants to schedule sex and is imagining some porno romp in his head no doubt. Wednesday at 12:30 rolls around and the husband looks to the wife. How sexy is she really going to feel in the middle of the day with no external stimulation? I could laugh just thinking about this. What kind of dolt really thinks this is going to work???

I will say it again. You need to woo your wife. You need to romance her. You need to treat her like you did when your first met. That is the only way this will work the way you want it to, where she is just as into it as you. Why do you men think women usually get aroused by hotel sex? Hotel = new environment = novelty = excitement = romance. Bingo. Now I understand why you might not want to go to that level of effort after 16 years. But don't cry that you're being neglected sexually because of it. You KNOW what to do. You just don't want to do it. You want your cake (hot, spontaneous sex) and you want to eat it too (no added effort put in).

And NO I am not talking about chores! That is not sexy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The women on here are telling you your wives need romance and excitement in their lives to be turned on and you refuse to listen. I mean, if you're not going to try, why should they??

I just want my husband to initiate. Forget about romance or excitement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every other day there is a post on here about sexual frequency and complaints about the sex drying up in long term relationships. Um, welcome to earth? No it's not just you!! This has ALWAYS been an issue throughout the ages. People have really never heard about this problem before?? I mean, it's unfortunate, depending upon your pov, but that's life. It's what happens. A LOT of people need novelty, excitement, and tension to turn them on and those things are just not going to be present in super long relationships. I'm really curious if people think it is actually realistic to expect to have hot, spontaneous sex 3-4 a week after you've been married for 16 YEARS (and probably together for closer to twenty)? Even hot, spontaneous sex once a week, every week for years on end. Once in a while? Sure. Duty sex one or twice a week? Yes. But the rest? I mean really.

yes, and this is why monogamy is a complete slog. I have no desire to not be in my long term relationship. However, I find monogamy a very unpleasant condition. I go along with the program because if I didn't my long term relationship would be over, as my spouse wants me all to themselves and confused sex with love. I'm sure long after I'm dead, culture will have dispensed of something as preposterous as monogamy and that problem will be solved.