Why do people refuse to be realistic about the consequences of long term relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were 25 and 26 when we got engaged. Nobody told us what would happen.

What should they have said? "Monogamy is boring. Don't do it." ???

What planet are you living on?? LOL. People say this ALLLLL the damn time. No one listens. Then they end up in this same situation in their late thirties or forties and look around like they are the first person this ever happened to. Never fails.

What planet do you live on where people all get the same info and jnow the same things? Silly

No seriously. The one thing you can count on just about everyone telling you when your relationship turns serious is that your sex life will deteriorate. They may say it jokingly, but they will definitely say it, doubly so for men. It's the whole justification behind the stripper-style bachelor parties.

[Anonymous]

OK I wouldn't take the dcum relationship forum as representative of the population at large.

Every once in awhile someone posts a thread asking if anyone here is happy and plenty of people chime in that they are.

But there is a disproportionate amount of very unhappy people here and a lot of sex starved men (and some women) will have found a place to safely bitch day in and day out about their spouses. I feel like they're in self therapy or something. You're just not getting posts like "I'm so happy with my wife, she's still banging me good after 20 years!" Mostly cause that guy had Vetter things to do them hang out here. Like banging his wife!

[Anonymous]

I knew the sex would lessen. I don't know that I could appreciate it. But I could deal with less frequent sex. I didn't know that at some point I would have to decide between never having sex with a partner that wants sex with me, or splitting up my kids home.

All I can say is that those of us with a reasonable libido - you have no clue what it's like to face the prospect of a life without passion, ever, at age 38, unless you havebtdt,

[Anonymous]

Ok - when your husband comes to you and says he isn't interested in sex, ever, never initiates, but offers to hold the sex you against your pelvis if it will get you off his back, come tell us how that is totally cool because hey this is just what happens.

[Anonymous]

Maybe because for them it is working.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. Hope it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ok OP, so you have a low drive. no biggie. but some of us have a high drive and also have a spouse with a high drive. is it always 4th of July fireworks every time we have sex, no. but I'm lucky my DH is a great lover and takes care of my needs first. so that is just one of many reasons I want to have sex multiple times a week with him - and he's a pretty happy guy.

and we have 3 kids (teens/pre-teens) and both work full-time.

High drive high drive marriage here. My spouse is a great lover. However, doesn't much matter. Having sex with the same person 3xs a week is a complete bore

I love scallops. I don't want to eat scallops for dinner every single night, for the next 20 years, no matter how incredible the diversity of the preparation. I'm sure others would be happy with scallops forever and ever.

THIS!!!! Human beings just want new and strange. That's how it is. We (mostly) take it personally but maybe we shouldn't.

So what is the solution to this problem?

For me? Live the rest of my life out with having sex with the same human being completely taxing my imagination, never actually taking the time to comprehend thw travesty that I will live the rest of this beautiful life and DIE having sex with the same person from here on out.. Lie to myself like the PP and tell myself that sex is like fireworks afyer 20 years which works for a period of time and is cyclical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a whole lot of "it'll bounce back after the kids are older. Be patient."

Don't hold your breath.

[Anonymous]

Other side of the coin here. My DH and I are exhausted running after our very young children and it's just not there. I've talked to him and the feeling is mutual. That doesn't mean our marriage is dead; we spend a lot of time together and with the kids. I don't begrudge him and I am fairly certain he does not me. Could he be lying? I really doubt it, given how time consuming our family is on both of us. Strangely enough, I'm not exactly pining over the loss; I have enough on my plate. I can't imagine doing what I do AND being horny as hell. Maybe the libido will come back, maybe it won't. It's just not that important to me.

What I'm getting from some of you is that it's almost like a high you're not willing to give up. Amiright?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every other day there is a post on here about sexual frequency and complaints about the sex drying up in long term relationships. Um, welcome to earth? No it's not just you!! This has ALWAYS been an issue throughout the ages. People have really never heard about this problem before?? I mean, it's unfortunate, depending upon your pov, but that's life. It's what happens. A LOT of people need novelty, excitement, and tension to turn them on and those things are just not going to be present in super long relationships. I'm really curious if people think it is actually realistic to expect to have hot, spontaneous sex 3-4 a week after you've been married for 16 YEARS (and probably together for closer to twenty)? Even hot, spontaneous sex once a week, every week for years on end. Once in a while? Sure. Duty sex one or twice a week? Yes. But the rest? I mean really.

yes, and this is why monogamy is a complete slog. I have no desire to not be in my long term relationship. However, I find monogamy a very unpleasant condition. I go along with the program because if I didn't my long term relationship would be over, as my spouse wants me all to themselves and confused sex with love. I'm sure long after I'm dead, culture will have dispensed of something as preposterous as monogamy and that problem will be solved.

And kids can be raised in a 'kibbutz' ? I say bs to your idea. Think what it would be like in Syria right now for example. All your 1st world whining is bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other side of the coin here. My DH and I are exhausted running after our very young children and it's just not there. I've talked to him and the feeling is mutual. That doesn't mean our marriage is dead; we spend a lot of time together and with the kids. I don't begrudge him and I am fairly certain he does not me. Could he be lying? I really doubt it, given how time consuming our family is on both of us. Strangely enough, I'm not exactly pining over the loss; I have enough on my plate. I can't imagine doing what I do AND being horny as hell. Maybe the libido will come back, maybe it won't. It's just not that important to me.

What I'm getting from some of you is that it's almost like a high you're not willing to give up. Amiright?

I am a frustrated high drive male, and I believe you that you and your husband are fine without sex. As I have learned here, some men are,low drive, and you are so lucky you found a perfect match!

Sex drive isn't a high. Its a need. Its like a hunger and your partner has the food. An itch and your partner is only one who can scratch. Yes the high comes during the act, followed by a binding love. Buys it's more of a need than a want for those who have strong libidos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Sex drive isn't a high. Its a need. Its like a hunger and your partner has the food. An itch and your partner is only one who can scratch.

Not only does your partner have the means to fulfill that need, but your partner will also destroy you if you try to have someone else feed you or scratch you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a whole lot of "it'll bounce back after the kids are older. Be patient."

Don't hold your breath.

Roger that. The youngest is 11 years old. Still waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anyone want to trade? My DH would be thrilled to have a wife who just wants starfish sex a couple times a month. Always complains when I want to try something different. Doesn't really like the idea of a woman who actually enjoys sex.

[Anonymous]

Every time you have sex with your woman before you get married, put a jellybean in a jar. Every time you have sex after you are married, take a jellybean out of the jar. You will never run out of jelly beans.(Damn sure goes for BJs too, even more so...)