Found husband's profile on a "cheating" website, what do I do??

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. My heart just ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug right now. Words seem inadequate to convey my care and concern over the pain which you shared. I just said a prayer for you and I hope that God will provide the comfort and help you need at this time. Do you think it would help to speak with a counselor? It might be worth trying. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H cheated during lunch.

Similar story here - mine cheated during work hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch and wait. Check cell phone bill call records. Check computer history regularly and take screen shots. Check expenditures on all credit and debit cards, bank accounts, etc. Pay attention to the odometer on the car. Make copies of all important financial records - mortgage, retirement taxes, etc. I agree with other's suggestions that you catfiah him a bit. But, be careful that you don't leave a trail that he can connect back to you.

You can figure out a lot by googling phone numbers and credit card entries.

Consult an attorney. It is likely that documented evidence of cheating will make no difference in a divorce, legally-speaking (except in VA), but having enough info to make appropriate decisions and stop his gaslighting is priceless.

When you choose to confront him, do not tell him everything you know and do not tell him how you know. How he reacts to confrontation - whether he is honest and remorseful instead pf lying and denying - will tell you all you need to know about your future.

He will lie and deny. The vast majority of people do when caught cheating.

[Anonymous]

Op, the sugar daddy sites I know of require men to pay for a membership before they can talk to women. They can send canned messages like winks or I like your profile but real talking takes money. Since you have the login I would just watch and see if he actually buys a membership.

[Anonymous]

Get tested for all std's. Meet with a lawyer to find out your options. Learn anything you don't know about your financial situation (mortgage amount, savings, etc.). Be prepared for separation if you need out.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're very rich, I'd be furious about the sugar daddy aspect as much as anything. Anyone signing up for a sugar daddy expects to be paid something--and that money will be taken from your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the sugar daddy sites I know of require men to pay for a membership before they can talk to women. They can send canned messages like winks or I like your profile but real talking takes money. Since you have the login I would just watch and see if he actually buys a membership.

I get the feeling most of these sites are like Ashley Madison, where actual real women are outnumbered 20-1 or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is because physical cheating in VA can speed up the divorce process. In MD, I don't believe it matters.

In VA, adultery proven to the point where it can be grounds for divorce = no alimony for the cheater (and I suspect more alimony from the cheater but that's a judge-by-judge thing.)

I thought in MD you could get a quicker divorce for grounds but it didn't matter in terms of $$$.

Proven to the point where it can be grounds requires a PI or some ironclad evidence, and there's other things (e.g. the cheated-on spouse can't have had sex since getting the evidence of adultery, otherwise that's condoning/forgiving the adultery) that must be met.

If a SAHM wife of two years that's 35 and college educated is demanding lifetime support, then proving adultery on her part is probably worthwhile and will reduce her to the standard "here, go back to school, lady" level of alimony/support or quite possibly even Nelson Muntz levels of support.

No effect at all on child support or custody, unless someone's been consuming fine Columbian off strippers' asses (and I'm not talking about coffee).

A law-talking type in VA would know all the ins and outs (heh, heh, heh).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't even believe I'm writing this, I never in a million years thought my husband would do this. I found out recently he lied to me about something little but because of it I've been wondering if I should be trusting him so completely. So just now I went on his computer and read his email. I found that he had recently set up a new email address. I was able to login to the new email and found that he had registered for a website for sugar daddys. I couldn't log in to his profile but I made a fake profile and I think I found his. There's no pic so I can't tell for sure but I'm 99% sure it's his based on when it says he joined. It says he's married but looking for something else. I don't know what to do now. I want to confront him but I also feel like I need time to process what I want to do. But I'm sitting here in tears trying to make dinner for our very young children knowing he's going to be home soon and I really don't know what to do.

I believe this is a phony/troll posting. Theme on several of late is, went thru phone, computer, email....

Odd how you can login in to password protected email accounts but not a website

[Anonymous]

OP here. So I found the browsing history from when he set it up and looks like he was perusing the site that night (last week when I was away) but hasn't done anything since. Unfortunately I can't just leave with 3 little children. I don't want to tell my family because I need to decide what to do. I want time to think but I also just want to confront him when the children go to sleep tonight and get it over with. But partly I'm afraid he'll say it was a one time thing but then change his passwords and be more careful with his browsing history so I won't ever know if he's being honest. Obviously at the very least we need counseling (if I even want to stay) but I don't know where to start or what to do but if I wait I don't know how to pretend everything is fine tonight.

If I found this, I too would be very upset. WTH is he doing on that site? That being said, I think people who are rushing to the conclusion that he is or plans to cheat are premature. Its possible that he was bored and curious and this is more fantasy than anything else. If he doesn't log back in to check message, if he hasn't used any money to sign up, etc, that is the most likely case. This is not to dismiss your concerns, or tell you not to be watchful---but if nothing else happens, no inapporpriate behavior, then I would actually not bring it up specifically but address any issues in the marriage you might have (and it sounds like young kids, which is very hard on marriage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So I found the browsing history from when he set it up and looks like he was perusing the site that night (last week when I was away) but hasn't done anything since. Unfortunately I can't just leave with 3 little children. I don't want to tell my family because I need to decide what to do. I want time to think but I also just want to confront him when the children go to sleep tonight and get it over with. But partly I'm afraid he'll say it was a one time thing but then change his passwords and be more careful with his browsing history so I won't ever know if he's being honest. Obviously at the very least we need counseling (if I even want to stay) but I don't know where to start or what to do but if I wait I don't know how to pretend everything is fine tonight.

I angrily confronted my DH a few years ago when I found out he was cheating. I regret it because I feel like I never really understood the extent of it and have had trouble trusting him ever since. I wish I had waited and nosed around some more... OP he will minimize it and you will never know if he's being completely honest. My husband claimed that what I found was everything and there was no way of knowing that for sure. He would have said that regardless because I was within an inch of filing for divorce.
Better to get as much of the full story as possible (and printed out/proven) before confrontation.
Do keep in mind that everyone deals with infidelity differently- it's okay to walk out and it's okay to decide that you and your DH can move past it. Don't let anyone tell you that you should go or stay. That's your decision. Just know that it will be difficult either way. I'm sorry that this has happened to your family.

OP here. This is helpful and why I ultimately decided to wait to say anything. I need to know if this is really just a weird curiosity he had 1 time or if he is really contemplating cheating. From what I can see he has not logged on at all since last week nor has he checked that email account. I checked his browser history again this morning after he was on the computer a long time last night but he didn't go to this website. I'd like to think it was just a 1 time thing but then when looking at his browser history from when he made the account I found he had also googled how to make a profile for online dating which makes me think he was more serious.

I truly can't believe I am dealing with this and feel so stupid for thinking he would never even consider cheating on me. Our marriage isn't perfect (no one's is) but I was happy and thought he was too. He always says how happy he is with our life even though it can be stressful and he wouldn't change it for anything. He loves our children more than anything so if nothing else I thought he would never risk the possibility of not seeing them every day.

So for now I'm going to wait and see because I need to know if he is going to do anything else. I just don't know how long to wait. I could see him not doing anything for months or even a year and then revisiting it then. But I can't/don't want to wait forever to tell him I know either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the sugar daddy sites I know of require men to pay for a membership before they can talk to women. They can send canned messages like winks or I like your profile but real talking takes money. Since you have the login I would just watch and see if he actually buys a membership.

Thanks, that's helpful to know. I'm the one who pays our bills and reviews the credit card statement so I would know if he had a paid membership. I don't have the login for the website, I only have the login for the email linked to it (I was just lucky he used a password I know) but I made a fake profile so I can view his and see if he logs in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the sugar daddy sites I know of require men to pay for a membership before they can talk to women. They can send canned messages like winks or I like your profile but real talking takes money. Since you have the login I would just watch and see if he actually buys a membership.

Thanks, that's helpful to know. I'm the one who pays our bills and reviews the credit card statement so I would know if he had a paid membership. I don't have the login for the website, I only have the login for the email linked to it (I was just lucky he used a password I know) but I made a fake profile so I can view his and see if he logs in.

He could have his own secret credit card. He could have a burner phone. Men get really devious.

[Anonymous]

No advice to give OP, just hugs.
My ex cheated on me with his secretary-I know, totally cliche. I didn't find out until we were separated. I know how ultimately betrayed you must feel.
You will get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So I found the browsing history from when he set it up and looks like he was perusing the site that night (last week when I was away) but hasn't done anything since. Unfortunately I can't just leave with 3 little children. I don't want to tell my family because I need to decide what to do. I want time to think but I also just want to confront him when the children go to sleep tonight and get it over with. But partly I'm afraid he'll say it was a one time thing but then change his passwords and be more careful with his browsing history so I won't ever know if he's being honest. Obviously at the very least we need counseling (if I even want to stay) but I don't know where to start or what to do but if I wait I don't know how to pretend everything is fine tonight.

I angrily confronted my DH a few years ago when I found out he was cheating. I regret it because I feel like I never really understood the extent of it and have had trouble trusting him ever since. I wish I had waited and nosed around some more... OP he will minimize it and you will never know if he's being completely honest. My husband claimed that what I found was everything and there was no way of knowing that for sure. He would have said that regardless because I was within an inch of filing for divorce.
Better to get as much of the full story as possible (and printed out/proven) before confrontation.
Do keep in mind that everyone deals with infidelity differently- it's okay to walk out and it's okay to decide that you and your DH can move past it. Don't let anyone tell you that you should go or stay. That's your decision. Just know that it will be difficult either way. I'm sorry that this has happened to your family.

OP here. This is helpful and why I ultimately decided to wait to say anything. I need to know if this is really just a weird curiosity he had 1 time or if he is really contemplating cheating. From what I can see he has not logged on at all since last week nor has he checked that email account. I checked his browser history again this morning after he was on the computer a long time last night but he didn't go to this website. I'd like to think it was just a 1 time thing but then when looking at his browser history from when he made the account I found he had also googled how to make a profile for online dating which makes me think he was more serious.

I truly can't believe I am dealing with this and feel so stupid for thinking he would never even consider cheating on me. Our marriage isn't perfect (no one's is) but I was happy and thought he was too. He always says how happy he is with our life even though it can be stressful and he wouldn't change it for anything. He loves our children more than anything so if nothing else I thought he would never risk the possibility of not seeing them every day.

So for now I'm going to wait and see because I need to know if he is going to do anything else. I just don't know how long to wait. I could see him not doing anything for months or even a year and then revisiting it then. But I can't/don't want to wait forever to tell him I know either.

The man doesn't know how to delete history or surf in anonymous mode? I'd be more worried that your husband is stupid than that he's a cheater.