Found husband's profile on a "cheating" website, what do I do??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are reacting to very little knowledge and mostly suspicion. There is no rush to confront. You will not change anything that has happened. Step back and examine your marriage. What is wrong in your marriage? The profile is a symptom.

Obviously something is very wrong in my marriage but I have no idea what. We argue sometimes but not often and I thought we were both happy. I won't know what's "wrong" until I talk to him.

That is not true, there may not be anything wrong with your marriage. Don't blame yourself. Your H is the problem. Leave him for a few days .... DO NOT TAKE THE KIDS...

You are allowed vacation and mental health days.

You just found out your H is trolling a dating site... Let him try to do what you do without your help, go take some time to think, talk to a lawyer, plan to work full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I'm sorry.
Second, I had a similar situation (profile but not yet anything else) with my DH. I confronted and sadly he gas-lighted me for a long time and made up a bunch of lies. I should have printed out a copy of the stuff before I confronted. I also wish I hadn't confronted when we had our daughter in the house since the explosive fight we had was heard by her.

But I demanded we go to counseling (which is something I had never done before) and we went. And a year later, we were better than ever.

best of luck to you.

OP here. Thank you. I think this is exactly what I needed to read. I have copies of stuff so he can't deny it. There just isn't much to see because I don't think he did much...at least so far...

[Anonymous]

You should plan to meet him as somebody from the site.

[Anonymous]

Then take this as a gift. Instead of using this to attack and alienate your husband, you could use this as a springboard to investigate how each of you see your marriage. No marriage is perfect nor is it likely doomed. You could reach a far more secure relationship if you can work together on improving your communication and trust issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then take this as a gift. Instead of using this to attack and alienate your husband, you could use this as a springboard to investigate how each of you see your marriage. No marriage is perfect nor is it likely doomed. You could reach a far more secure relationship if you can work together on improving your communication and trust issues.

OP here. Thank you. That is what I want.

[Anonymous]

Ok I made it a sentence in and have to call troll.

[Anonymous]

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady and she said, "oh, it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment and I said, "I never knew."

[Anonymous]

I'd give him enough time to hang himself. Confront him now and he'll say he was just curious and never intended to meet anyone or he was looking for friend. I think you'll have a much better chance of getting him to work on the marriage and address the core issues if he can't deny because he knows he's caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd give him enough time to hang himself. Confront him now and he'll say he was just curious and never intended to meet anyone or he was looking for friend. I think you'll have a much better chance of getting him to work on the marriage and address the core issues if he can't deny because he knows he's caught.

This. If you can wait out a few weeks, go back to the site then and see what he's been up to. Also check the secret email account. He might sign up for more sites. If you confront him now he'll just say he was curious or that he and a friend signed up for shits and giggles. Patience is your friend.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the above points.

My now -ex was conversing with call girls in cities he visited for work. I found this on computer, and he claimed it was just a fantasy, curiosity, never acted upon. I was never able to prove anything. Shamefully I stayed married to him for a few more years. We had no kids though so divorce was easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would message him from your fake profile. See if he answers.

That's what I would do now, after having been cheated on. Get as much knowledge as you can. Arrange a meeting with him from your profile, see what kind of excuse he uses if/when he leaves for the meeting. That kind of thing.

What I might do, is arrange a meeting. Then when he should be meeting with you, send him a text telling him you need him to come home ASAP. That's when you confront him. Where did he go? Then show him printouts of the messages and tell him that profile is yours, setting him up.

From what I can tell he's had a bunch of messages over the last 3 days since he joined but he hasn't actually read any of them or gone on the site again since the day he set it up.

Good god - what would burn me up is why does he have do much time and energy for that crap with 3 little kids?!
What a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should plan to meet him as somebody from the site.

That's the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady and she said, "oh, it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment and I said, "I never knew."

Put down the glue bottle. Step away from said bottle. Go regain sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would message him from your fake profile. See if he answers.

That's what I would do now, after having been cheated on. Get as much knowledge as you can. Arrange a meeting with him from your profile, see what kind of excuse he uses if/when he leaves for the meeting. That kind of thing.

What I might do, is arrange a meeting. Then when he should be meeting with you, send him a text telling him you need him to come home ASAP. That's when you confront him. Where did he go? Then show him printouts of the messages and tell him that profile is yours, setting him up.

From what I can tell he's had a bunch of messages over the last 3 days since he joined but he hasn't actually read any of them or gone on the site again since the day he set it up.

Good god - what would burn me up is why does he have do much time and energy for that crap with 3 little kids?!
What a jerk.

Doesn't take much time to set up a fake email account. But listen, I get it. Instead of spending time to find the just-right "Sugar Daddies" website, he could have been in the real world and enjoying his family (or at least helping out).

[Anonymous]

Did you get fat