Found husband's profile on a "cheating" website, what do I do??

[Anonymous]

I can't even believe I'm writing this, I never in a million years thought my husband would do this. I found out recently he lied to me about something little but because of it I've been wondering if I should be trusting him so completely. So just now I went on his computer and read his email. I found that he had recently set up a new email address. I was able to login to the new email and found that he had registered for a website for sugar daddys. I couldn't log in to his profile but I made a fake profile and I think I found his. There's no pic so I can't tell for sure but I'm 99% sure it's his based on when it says he joined. It says he's married but looking for something else. I don't know what to do now. I want to confront him but I also feel like I need time to process what I want to do. But I'm sitting here in tears trying to make dinner for our very young children knowing he's going to be home soon and I really don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Make copies of everything to save as evidence. Are you a sahm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make copies of everything to save as evidence. Are you a sahm?

No I'm not a SAHM but I only work very part time. I took pictures of his profile but nothing else. What should I make copies of? I need time before he changes his passwords but don't know how to face him when he gets home in a few minutes.

[Anonymous]

The lack of communication in your marriage is your biggest problem. Instead of reaching out to us, you should be discussing this with him. If you don't get straight answers, then see a lawyer. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Don't approach him yet, in a huff. Get more information first. Make a plan. You will only confront him when you have rock solid evidence, that he can't wiggle away from. otherwise the rat will make you feel crazy for having ever doubted him.

And also given him the best sex of his life tonight -- no holds barred. Then see how he reacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The lack of communication in your marriage is your biggest problem. Instead of reaching out to us, you should be discussing this with him. If you don't get straight answers, then see a lawyer. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Call your best friend.

Walk out the door when he walks in.

Go to the beach.

Visit a lawyer.

Return in 5 days.

I am sure he will ask what is up. Then you can tell him.

[Anonymous]

I would leave a copy of his profile on the kitchen table and leave the house for a few days. Let him stew in it while you think things over. What would be the point of confronting him when the evidence is pretty clear? Decide whether you'll give him a chance to work things through if he agrees to counseling, or call a lawyer. Be clear on what you hope the outcome will be first.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So I found the browsing history from when he set it up and looks like he was perusing the site that night (last week when I was away) but hasn't done anything since. Unfortunately I can't just leave with 3 little children. I don't want to tell my family because I need to decide what to do. I want time to think but I also just want to confront him when the children go to sleep tonight and get it over with. But partly I'm afraid he'll say it was a one time thing but then change his passwords and be more careful with his browsing history so I won't ever know if he's being honest. Obviously at the very least we need counseling (if I even want to stay) but I don't know where to start or what to do but if I wait I don't know how to pretend everything is fine tonight.

[Anonymous]

You are reacting to very little knowledge and mostly suspicion. There is no rush to confront. You will not change anything that has happened. Step back and examine your marriage. What is wrong in your marriage? The profile is a symptom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are reacting to very little knowledge and mostly suspicion. There is no rush to confront. You will not change anything that has happened. Step back and examine your marriage. What is wrong in your marriage? The profile is a symptom.

Obviously something is very wrong in my marriage but I have no idea what. We argue sometimes but not often and I thought we were both happy. I won't know what's "wrong" until I talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Very busy with 3 young children, not much sex or fun? Pretty typical with that family structure, but most men understand that and don't join cheating websites. OP, you need to think about what you want to do. I would stay quiet and busy until you can figure out a time to talk to him with the kids out of the house.

[Anonymous]

I would message him from your fake profile. See if he answers.

That's what I would do now, after having been cheated on. Get as much knowledge as you can. Arrange a meeting with him from your profile, see what kind of excuse he uses if/when he leaves for the meeting. That kind of thing.

What I might do, is arrange a meeting. Then when he should be meeting with you, send him a text telling him you need him to come home ASAP. That's when you confront him. Where did he go? Then show him printouts of the messages and tell him that profile is yours, setting him up.

[Anonymous]

First, I'm sorry.
Second, I had a similar situation (profile but not yet anything else) with my DH. I confronted and sadly he gas-lighted me for a long time and made up a bunch of lies. I should have printed out a copy of the stuff before I confronted. I also wish I hadn't confronted when we had our daughter in the house since the explosive fight we had was heard by her.

But I demanded we go to counseling (which is something I had never done before) and we went. And a year later, we were better than ever.

best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would message him from your fake profile. See if he answers.

That's what I would do now, after having been cheated on. Get as much knowledge as you can. Arrange a meeting with him from your profile, see what kind of excuse he uses if/when he leaves for the meeting. That kind of thing.

What I might do, is arrange a meeting. Then when he should be meeting with you, send him a text telling him you need him to come home ASAP. That's when you confront him. Where did he go? Then show him printouts of the messages and tell him that profile is yours, setting him up.

From what I can tell he's had a bunch of messages over the last 3 days since he joined but he hasn't actually read any of them or gone on the site again since the day he set it up.