S/o SAHMs - why do so many men want one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i want a third spouse too so we could have a SAH

That's what I have a housekeeper for. Haven't used my washer and dryer in years , I don't go to the grocery store, my closets are all organized, my meals are all prepped, lunches all packed, most all my errands are run, and I come home to a clean house with beds made each day. I don't go to costco, yet the food from Costco appears at my home.

For dinner I remove the mostly prepped food and do the finishing touches on a home cooked meal each night with minimal effort. Last night after dinner we all took a bike ride as a family. We probably had a good 3hrs to burn before bed.

The cost of paying someone to do that vs having someone out of the workforce is well worth it. Not even a comparison, plus nobody is resentful about their role in the house. DH and I just enjoy each other and enjoy the kids. It's a good life we have.

It's great that you can afford that, but for many couples the cost of a daily housekeeper on top of full-time childcare would more than obliterate one person's salary. Yes, I appreciate he long-term value of staying in the workforce even if you're not seeing the financial value in the short-run, but most people aren't going to be comfortable drawing from their savings to pay for all of those services instead of doing them themselves.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised to hear "so many men" want their wives to SAH. I think some baby boomers may, but for most younger people all of that went out the window with present-day economic realities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i want a third spouse too so we could have a SAH

That's what I have a housekeeper for. Haven't used my washer and dryer in years , I don't go to the grocery store, my closets are all organized, my meals are all prepped, lunches all packed, most all my errands are run, and I come home to a clean house with beds made each day. I don't go to costco, yet the food from Costco appears at my home.

For dinner I remove the mostly prepped food and do the finishing touches on a home cooked meal each night with minimal effort. Last night after dinner we all took a bike ride as a family. We probably had a good 3hrs to burn before bed.

The cost of paying someone to do that vs having someone out of the workforce is well worth it. Not even a comparison, plus nobody is resentful about their role in the house. DH and I just enjoy each other and enjoy the kids. It's a good life we have.

It's great that you can afford that, but for many couples the cost of a daily housekeeper on top of full-time childcare would more than obliterate one person's salary. Yes, I appreciate he long-term value of staying in the workforce even if you're not seeing the financial value in the short-run, but most people aren't going to be comfortable drawing from their savings to pay for all of those services instead of doing them themselves.

It's a response to the notion that it is necessary to have someone at home to make it easier on a working spouse. I agree that it is a grind to have two working people and not have someone to take care of the chores exclusively. However, in the grand scheme of things there is a solution to thst and frankly I doubt any SAHM can take care of a home as well and as efficiently as my housekeeper who is paid for this task that is her only focus for 4 hrs a day. Yes, my childcare (auPair) and housekeeping run us 41k/yr, but it is still much less expensive than having a single income household, not even getting into the compounding effects of contributing to retirement.

Plus for me having a housekeeper is normal. I'm Hispanic and when I grew up we had a housekeeper who also cooked and a nanny. I have no idea why American women martyr themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i want a third spouse too so we could have a SAH

That's what I have a housekeeper for. Haven't used my washer and dryer in years , I don't go to the grocery store, my closets are all organized, my meals are all prepped, lunches all packed, most all my errands are run, and I come home to a clean house with beds made each day. I don't go to costco, yet the food from Costco appears at my home.

For dinner I remove the mostly prepped food and do the finishing touches on a home cooked meal each night with minimal effort. Last night after dinner we all took a bike ride as a family. We probably had a good 3hrs to burn before bed.

The cost of paying someone to do that vs having someone out of the workforce is well worth it. Not even a comparison, plus nobody is resentful about their role in the house. DH and I just enjoy each other and enjoy the kids. It's a good life we have.

And how much does that cost you?

[Anonymous]

41 k sounds about right for us too

College degree people should be easily making 100k in this area.

It's really a no brainer

I mean do people really enjoy vacuuming laundry cleaning the bathrooms or mowing the grass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to hear "so many men" want their wives to SAH. I think some baby boomers may, but for most younger people all of that went out the window with present-day economic realities.

Man here with SAH wife. Not sure I realized I wanted one till wife decided to stay home after first kid. Sort of like how you have no clue what it will be like having kids till you have them. I make a decent salary, my wife was making about 60k per year, so when you tax her income at my highest rate, then add in extra costs of work stuff and meals out that come with dual working spouses, the extra money from her job was somewhat negligible. Our house runs smoothly. We relax once kids are in bed.

If she wanted to go back to work, I would support her. But all else equal, I much prefer having a SAH wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i want a third spouse too so we could have a SAH

That's what I have a housekeeper for. Haven't used my washer and dryer in years , I don't go to the grocery store, my closets are all organized, my meals are all prepped, lunches all packed, most all my errands are run, and I come home to a clean house with beds made each day. I don't go to costco, yet the food from Costco appears at my home.

For dinner I remove the mostly prepped food and do the finishing touches on a home cooked meal each night with minimal effort. Last night after dinner we all took a bike ride as a family. We probably had a good 3hrs to burn before bed.

The cost of paying someone to do that vs having someone out of the workforce is well worth it. Not even a comparison, plus nobody is resentful about their role in the house. DH and I just enjoy each other and enjoy the kids. It's a good life we have.

It's great that you can afford that, but for many couples the cost of a daily housekeeper on top of full-time childcare would more than obliterate one person's salary. Yes, I appreciate he long-term value of staying in the workforce even if you're not seeing the financial value in the short-run, but most people aren't going to be comfortable drawing from their savings to pay for all of those services instead of doing them themselves.

It's a response to the notion that it is necessary to have someone at home to make it easier on a working spouse. I agree that it is a grind to have two working people and not have someone to take care of the chores exclusively. However, in the grand scheme of things there is a solution to thst and frankly I doubt any SAHM can take care of a home as well and as efficiently as my housekeeper who is paid for this task that is her only focus for 4 hrs a day. Yes, my childcare (auPair) and housekeeping run us 41k/yr, but it is still much less expensive than having a single income household, not even getting into the compounding effects of contributing to retirement.

Plus for me having a housekeeper is normal. I'm Hispanic and when I grew up we had a housekeeper who also cooked and a nanny. I have no idea why American women martyr themselves.

First, I applaud you for finding some way to make your life better and more enjoyable (while stimulating the economy). Keep on!

But....for your plan to make any sense, the WOH needs to make at least 70k just to break even (deducting taxes and commutes, etc. to net $41k. So even if the spouse was making 100k, which is a darn good salary, the net take home after taxes and extra expenses plus the 41k in costs would be 20k or so.

So it really comes down to whether you want to work if your past job is in the 60-100k range. If you work a soul sucking job, I can totally understand why you would prefer to be at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to hear "so many men" want their wives to SAH. I think some baby boomers may, but for most younger people all of that went out the window with present-day economic realities.

Man here with SAH wife. Not sure I realized I wanted one till wife decided to stay home after first kid. Sort of like how you have no clue what it will be like having kids till you have them. I make a decent salary, my wife was making about 60k per year, so when you tax her income at my highest rate, then add in extra costs of work stuff and meals out that come with dual working spouses, the extra money from her job was somewhat negligible. Our house runs smoothly. We relax once kids are in bed.

If she wanted to go back to work, I would support her. But all else equal, I much prefer having a SAH wife.

The flat in this is that she isn't saving for retirement. She could invest 18k a year tax free if she had a job. Over many years this adds up. Same with social security. Your wife will be severely disadvantaged come retirement age just so that your house runs smoothly. Pretty selfish imho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to hear "so many men" want their wives to SAH. I think some baby boomers may, but for most younger people all of that went out the window with present-day economic realities.

Then why are there so many SAHMs in this area???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to hear "so many men" want their wives to SAH. I think some baby boomers may, but for most younger people all of that went out the window with present-day economic realities.

Man here with SAH wife. Not sure I realized I wanted one till wife decided to stay home after first kid. Sort of like how you have no clue what it will be like having kids till you have them. I make a decent salary, my wife was making about 60k per year, so when you tax her income at my highest rate, then add in extra costs of work stuff and meals out that come with dual working spouses, the extra money from her job was somewhat negligible. Our house runs smoothly. We relax once kids are in bed.

If she wanted to go back to work, I would support her. But all else equal, I much prefer having a SAH wife.

The flat in this is that she isn't saving for retirement. She could invest 18k a year tax free if she had a job. Over many years this adds up. Same with social security. Your wife will be severely disadvantaged come retirement age just so that your house runs smoothly. Pretty selfish imho.

Np. I am a SAHM and we invest $100k a year extra for retirement. Plus we max out any tax advantage vehicles open to us (one 401k, 2 IRAs, and one HSA). Why would you assume they are not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to hear "so many men" want their wives to SAH. I think some baby boomers may, but for most younger people all of that went out the window with present-day economic realities.

Man here with SAH wife. Not sure I realized I wanted one till wife decided to stay home after first kid. Sort of like how you have no clue what it will be like having kids till you have them. I make a decent salary, my wife was making about 60k per year, so when you tax her income at my highest rate, then add in extra costs of work stuff and meals out that come with dual working spouses, the extra money from her job was somewhat negligible. Our house runs smoothly. We relax once kids are in bed.

If she wanted to go back to work, I would support her. But all else equal, I much prefer having a SAH wife.

The flat in this is that she isn't saving for retirement. She could invest 18k a year tax free if she had a job. Over many years this adds up. Same with social security. Your wife will be severely disadvantaged come retirement age just so that your house runs smoothly. Pretty selfish imho.

Np. I am a SAHM and we invest $100k a year extra for retirement. Plus we max out any tax advantage vehicles open to us (one 401k, 2 IRAs, and one HSA). Why would you assume they are not?

Because you can't invest in a 401k with pre-tax money if you don't have a job. That's great you and your husband invest a lot. We do as well. However you still won't have your own retirement account and you aren't paying into social security. If you end up divorced you'll end up working at Walmart. The 5k a year ira isn't going to do much. The money you invest isn't protected like retirement money and is owned by both of you. Whereas your husband owns the 401k and he also is paying into social security. You're at a disadvantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to hear "so many men" want their wives to SAH. I think some baby boomers may, but for most younger people all of that went out the window with present-day economic realities.

Then why are there so many SAHMs in this area???

Because this area is relatively affluent and not representative of the country at large.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this thread a joke? Why would a man want to come home to a home cooked meal, a peaceful house, a relaxed spouse and all the bills, chores and other household things taken care of?

What person, man or woman, wouldn't want that?

Because their income would be cut down. We're just engineers. We can't afford one income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i want a third spouse too so we could have a SAH

That's what I have a housekeeper for. Haven't used my washer and dryer in years , I don't go to the grocery store, my closets are all organized, my meals are all prepped, lunches all packed, most all my errands are run, and I come home to a clean house with beds made each day. I don't go to costco, yet the food from Costco appears at my home.

For dinner I remove the mostly prepped food and do the finishing touches on a home cooked meal each night with minimal effort. Last night after dinner we all took a bike ride as a family. We probably had a good 3hrs to burn before bed.

The cost of paying someone to do that vs having someone out of the workforce is well worth it. Not even a comparison, plus nobody is resentful about their role in the house. DH and I just enjoy each other and enjoy the kids. It's a good life we have.

It's great that you can afford that, but for many couples the cost of a daily housekeeper on top of full-time childcare would more than obliterate one person's salary. Yes, I appreciate he long-term value of staying in the workforce even if you're not seeing the financial value in the short-run, but most people aren't going to be comfortable drawing from their savings to pay for all of those services instead of doing them themselves.

It's a response to the notion that it is necessary to have someone at home to make it easier on a working spouse. I agree that it is a grind to have two working people and not have someone to take care of the chores exclusively. However, in the grand scheme of things there is a solution to thst and frankly I doubt any SAHM can take care of a home as well and as efficiently as my housekeeper who is paid for this task that is her only focus for 4 hrs a day. Yes, my childcare (auPair) and housekeeping run us 41k/yr, but it is still much less expensive than having a single income household, not even getting into the compounding effects of contributing to retirement.

Plus for me having a housekeeper is normal. I'm Hispanic and when I grew up we had a housekeeper who also cooked and a nanny. I have no idea why American women martyr themselves.

First, I applaud you for finding some way to make your life better and more enjoyable (while stimulating the economy). Keep on!

But....for your plan to make any sense, the WOH needs to make at least 70k just to break even (deducting taxes and commutes, etc. to net $41k. So even if the spouse was making 100k, which is a darn good salary, the net take home after taxes and extra expenses plus the 41k in costs would be 20k or so.

So it really comes down to whether you want to work if your past job is in the 60-100k range. If you work a soul sucking job, I can totally understand why you would prefer to be at home.

I will tell you, when I had my first child, I was making 55k/yr. This was 10 years ago. THANK GOD I was OK not netting much anything after 401k max and childcare because now I'm at 280k and frankly I feel like we have it much easier than families with a SAHP. Both DH and I HATE the mere idea of doing housework or running errands on the weekends /evenings. And really, i wouldnt eant to be homr all wrrk doin that endless job either. We did that when I was making 55k and was playing the long game.

I will also say, for my income, my job is low stress and rarely over 40hrs a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i want a third spouse too so we could have a SAH

That's what I have a housekeeper for. Haven't used my washer and dryer in years , I don't go to the grocery store, my closets are all organized, my meals are all prepped, lunches all packed, most all my errands are run, and I come home to a clean house with beds made each day. I don't go to costco, yet the food from Costco appears at my home.

For dinner I remove the mostly prepped food and do the finishing touches on a home cooked meal each night with minimal effort. Last night after dinner we all took a bike ride as a family. We probably had a good 3hrs to burn before bed.

The cost of paying someone to do that vs having someone out of the workforce is well worth it. Not even a comparison, plus nobody is resentful about their role in the house. DH and I just enjoy each other and enjoy the kids. It's a good life we have.

And how much does that cost you?

AP +housekeeper =41k/yr same cost many of you spend on private schools.