Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?
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Anonymous
Oops! I'm 7:21! Talk about a popular thread. |
Anonymous
| I think it's just easier and less expensive to eat healthy meals at home. If dh had to grab food for himself on his way home every night or bring home take out for the kids our food bill would be astronomical. Our grocery bill is already pretty huge with two teenage boys. Thank goodness for being able to buy meat and staples in bulk at Costco and the like. |
Anonymous
| Blue Apron can be super high maintenance. If you do want to cook more go for simple. Not something that requires so much prep or dirtying pots/pans. |
Anonymous
| Pretty soon you can make cooking a project for you both. He can stir and put things in the bowl or hold the bowl. He won't be that useful but you can keep him entertained while cooking. |
Anonymous
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What does your husband do for dinner then? Does he make a single meal for himself? What are you doing when he does that? I'm trying to picture your evenings and I can't see you every single night having a potato and diet coke. Do you really just make a meal for yourself and not your husband?
By the way, I'm a mom of three who works and yes DH does have dinner ready most nights. Mostly a salad and chicken, etc. There are nights we make dinner together for everyone. I frankly think you are missing out on making dinner a happy, family occasion. |
Anonymous
7:21 here: I'm 49 and have three kids. I said not per se. In the warmer periods, DH will use the grill or I will. It's just more practical for me to plan dinner. Also, DH is exhausted from work/commuting when he gets home to be with us. Everybody, a positive, loving attitude is key to "making a home" too! Why would anybody -- man or woman because I know several one income gay families, too, BTW -- want to come home to people as snarky as some DCUM posters? Make home life a joy, not a drag. |
Anonymous
Not PP, but I'm a SAHM who has had to let the practical outweigh the theoretical, and it's made my life much easier. Yes, the personal is political, but things are different now - you're running a household now and the period in your life of "just grabbing something" for dinner has passed. How do you want your life to look? If your husband doesn't get home from the office until six and he's responsible for meal preparation, you're not going to eat until seven. What time does your son go to bed? Someone has to do that routine too. Frankly, it sounds like you're resentful of SAH - if that's the case, go back to work and hire a nanny who does meal prep. Done. |
Anonymous
Haha. I agree. I never would have quit my job to SAH and cook and clean for dh. I quit working to SAH and care for our kids. It just so happens that cooking/housework/grocery shopping were my usual duties pre-kids so it was already within our division of labor. But I'm no Donna Reed and, honey, if you don't think that floor is clean enough - there's the mop. Have at. |
Anonymous
There's no "normal" currently. DH travels a lot, about half the month. I cook once a week. He cooks once a week, we do take out, etc cobble stuff together. |
Anonymous
Your DH is exhausted from sitting in a car listening to adult music. He sounds like the biggest baby of them all. Let's see how exhausted he'd be caring for a baby and a toddler 12 hrs a day x 5 days a week. 
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Anonymous
Your child probably won't be in preschool five days a week until he's at least three, probably closer to four. Is the kid not going to get healthy, balanced meals on a consistent basis until then? If you're not cooking proper dinners now, you're really not doing right by your child because at 12 months they're old enough for proper meals. It is incredibly quick and easy to lightly season some chicken breasts and throw them in the oven for 30 minutes. Sure, that's not the most interesting way to prepare chicken, but it's the easiest and it will provide soft enough chicken that you can shred some for your child to work on. While that's baking, you could add a couple of frozen biscuits to bake up. Then get one of those bags of microwave steamable veggies, and throw that in when the other stuff has just a few minutes left. If you pick the right veggies, they'll be soft enough to cut into small pieces that your child can try to eat. And then you have a dinner of chicken, vegetable and biscuit for yourself and your husband. More broadly, though, it sounds like your real problem is that you and your DH aren't on the same page about what your role as a SAHM is, and that's something you guys really need to work out. It's not something you get to unilaterally decide, given that your lack of an income affects both of you. To be frank, you'll find yourself very much in the minority if you declare your only responsibility to be childcare. Most SAHMs also take on the lion's share of house cleaning, errands, meal planning/prep, and other chores that can be done during the week. You have one child who is 12 months old, so unless there are some significant special needs you haven't shared with us, you absolutely have the capacity to take this other stuff on. You don't need to be on the floor playing with your child every moment, nor should you be -- a little independent play time is very good for him developmentally. If you take on more of the work, then you and your husband could have some free time during evenings and weekends to do something together. |
Anonymous
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Your division of labor is what you make of it. DH and I have both had periods where we have been the "at home" parent, and typically the person at home did the meal prep, although I always did the meal planning and grocery shopping. I like doing it, and he sees it as a chore.
However, I never felt like it was my job to do his laundry or ironing, and he never did mine, which a lot of people would put under the "SAH parent" responsibility. |
Anonymous
Hi, OP. When I first met DH, I owned a business and either ate out or out of a can, whatever was convenient. I did not cook, not that I didn't want to, I just didn't have the time or motivation. 15 yrs later, I'm SAH with a 10 yr old and a man who brings home the bacon, also with a man who was raised in an old fashion home where mom cooked. Over the years, I've taught myself how to cook and, yes, I'd consider it part of my "job description" if you want to put it that way. Having said that, if my DH was disrespectful or "expected" me to do it, I'd likely dump a can of chick peas on his head, but he's not. He offers to take us out as often as we want, he does all the cooking when we camp or boat and he appreciates and loves it when I do make a meal, which is motivating. At the end of the day, we all have to bring something to the party. Are you? |
Anonymous
No. It's common sense. This idea that SAHM means nothing else than intensive mothering is a bizarre (and lazy) derivative of the role. You can outsource nannying, so the person who stays home really does need to run the household. If all you want to be is a nanny, that's just really strange. It has nothing to do with 1950s stereotypes and everything to do with keeping a household (and family) functioning. No one with a 12-month-old should have difficulty preparing simple meals or keeping up with housework (at the very least, keep your work space clean). If these tasks are too difficult, you're doing the mothering piece wrong. |
Anonymous
| It's not your responsibility, but a show of love and respect in a marital relationships. It just show you are selfish. He works to support the family financially, and you can't even make dinner for him. Would it be OK with you if he just eat dinner out by himself and your child, every day? |