Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Homemaker"? "Running the household"? Are you people under 65?

I am currently staying home with my kids while they are young and I have taken more of the burden of household crap, but that's not my "job". I just do it because I have a little more time at home and don't mind. Trying to make things easier for all of us. But it's not MY JOB.

7:21 here: I'm 49 and have three kids. I said not per se. In the warmer periods, DH will use the grill or I will. It's just more practical for me to plan dinner. Also, DH is exhausted from work/commuting when he gets home to be with us.

Everybody, a positive, loving attitude is key to "making a home" too! Why would anybody -- man or woman because I know several one income gay families, too, BTW -- want to come home to people as snarky as some DCUM posters?

Make home life a joy, not a drag.

Your DH is exhausted from sitting in a car listening to adult music. He sounds like the biggest baby of them all.

Let's see how exhausted he'd be caring for a baby and a toddler 12 hrs a day x 5 days a week.

Maybe we'd all have an easier time getting a long and working things out if we stopped playing the "who works harder" game with our spouses. Sure, as a SAHM I sometimes envy my DH's commute because it's 45 minutes of listening to music and not having anyone ask anything of him. But then I remember it's also 45 minutes of dealing with stop-and-go DC traffic, which used to aggravate the everloving shit out of me when I was working. DH and I have a general policy that it's an hour of the day when you couldn't have your butt planted on the couch binge-watching something non-kid appropriate on Netflix if you wanted to, you're on duty and working. Works beautifully for working out these kinds of issues.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do all of the cooking and food shopping/prep. I am here all day with time to do it. I am good at cooking. It is important to me that we have dinner as a family. Because of all of these things, I cook dinner most nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Homemaker"? "Running the household"? Are you people under 65?

I am currently staying home with my kids while they are young and I have taken more of the burden of household crap, but that's not my "job". I just do it because I have a little more time at home and don't mind. Trying to make things easier for all of us. But it's not MY JOB.

Haha. I agree. I never would have quit my job to SAH and cook and clean for dh. I quit working to SAH and care for our kids. It just so happens that cooking/housework/grocery shopping were my usual duties pre-kids so it was already within our division of labor. But I'm no Donna Reed and, honey, if you don't think that floor is clean enough - there's the mop. Have at.

Op here- yes pp this is it exactly and probably why I was hostile in the initial post! I feel like DH can take care of himself...it is the baby who is the main effort, and since the baby eats at like five pm, and eats three tablespoons of food...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Homemaker"? "Running the household"? Are you people under 65?

I am currently staying home with my kids while they are young and I have taken more of the burden of household crap, but that's not my "job". I just do it because I have a little more time at home and don't mind. Trying to make things easier for all of us. But it's not MY JOB.

Haha. I agree. I never would have quit my job to SAH and cook and clean for dh. I quit working to SAH and care for our kids. It just so happens that cooking/housework/grocery shopping were my usual duties pre-kids so it was already within our division of labor. But I'm no Donna Reed and, honey, if you don't think that floor is clean enough - there's the mop. Have at.

Op here- yes pp this is it exactly and probably why I was hostile in the initial post! I feel like DH can take care of himself...it is the baby who is the main effort, and since the baby eats at like five pm, and eats three tablespoons of food...

Obviously you've made up your mind. Why bother posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Homemaker"? "Running the household"? Are you people under 65?

I am currently staying home with my kids while they are young and I have taken more of the burden of household crap, but that's not my "job". I just do it because I have a little more time at home and don't mind. Trying to make things easier for all of us. But it's not MY JOB.

Haha. I agree. I never would have quit my job to SAH and cook and clean for dh. I quit working to SAH and care for our kids. It just so happens that cooking/housework/grocery shopping were my usual duties pre-kids so it was already within our division of labor. But I'm no Donna Reed and, honey, if you don't think that floor is clean enough - there's the mop. Have at.

Op here- yes pp this is it exactly and probably why I was hostile in the initial post! I feel like DH can take care of himself...it is the baby who is the main effort, and since the baby eats at like five pm, and eats three tablespoons of food...

Obviously you've made up your mind. Why bother posting?

Just having a discussion pp...enjoying the views of others too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Homemaker"? "Running the household"? Are you people under 65?

I am currently staying home with my kids while they are young and I have taken more of the burden of household crap, but that's not my "job". I just do it because I have a little more time at home and don't mind. Trying to make things easier for all of us. But it's not MY JOB.

Haha. I agree. I never would have quit my job to SAH and cook and clean for dh. I quit working to SAH and care for our kids. It just so happens that cooking/housework/grocery shopping were my usual duties pre-kids so it was already within our division of labor. But I'm no Donna Reed and, honey, if you don't think that floor is clean enough - there's the mop. Have at.

Op here- yes pp this is it exactly and probably why I was hostile in the initial post! I feel like DH can take care of himself...it is the baby who is the main effort, and since the baby eats at like five pm, and eats three tablespoons of food...

Yeah, I can see why your husband isn't thrilled with this arrangement. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Homemaker"? "Running the household"? Are you people under 65?

I am currently staying home with my kids while they are young and I have taken more of the burden of household crap, but that's not my "job". I just do it because I have a little more time at home and don't mind. Trying to make things easier for all of us. But it's not MY JOB.

Haha. I agree. I never would have quit my job to SAH and cook and clean for dh. I quit working to SAH and care for our kids. It just so happens that cooking/housework/grocery shopping were my usual duties pre-kids so it was already within our division of labor. But I'm no Donna Reed and, honey, if you don't think that floor is clean enough - there's the mop. Have at.

Op here- yes pp this is it exactly and probably why I was hostile in the initial post! I feel like DH can take care of himself...it is the baby who is the main effort, and since the baby eats at like five pm, and eats three tablespoons of food...

You can put a 12 month old in a highchair to eat his toddler meal while you put pork chops in a pan, boil some rice and steam some veggies for you and your dh. A 12 month old is not a little newborn that needs and wants to be held 24/7. So while I "get" that it's a pain to cook separate meals for your baby and your husband, you are also missing out on the opportunity to have your toddler sit at the table with you and dh while you eat. Your toddler is missing out on trying foods that mom and dad eat.

I wouldn't pick this hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

Think more broadly about the example you're setting for your child here. You're showing him that marriage isn't about working together, trying to be good to each other, etc., it's about staking out what you want to be responsible for and then refusing to go outside of it for the benefit of your marriage or your household. That's not really a recipe for a healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

It's one thing to let him prepare his own meals. It's another thing if there isn't enough food in the house for him to do that. It has taken me longer than it should have to realize that if I bought more protein items at the store, meal prep becomes a lot easier. Get some deli meats and sliced cheese so he can make a sandwich. Frozen chicken fingers are quick to prepare and can hang out in the freezer for months. We eat eggs for any meal of the day. A ham, egg, and cheese sandwich is loved by everyone in our house. Canned tuna or chicken makes a great salad (that can be put on bread or a green salad).

Sometimes I have a hot meal waiting, sometimes I'm overwhelmed (3 boys) and dh has to fend for himself when he comes home. Sometimes, dh will text me on his way out to say he skipped lunch and it would be great if I had something ready for him when he got home. I will make him the ham-egg-cheese sandwich (5 minutes) or toss some chicken fingers in the toaster oven if I don't have anything else to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think more broadly about the example you're setting for your child here. You're showing him that marriage isn't about working together, trying to be good to each other, etc., it's about staking out what you want to be responsible for and then refusing to go outside of it for the benefit of your marriage or your household. That's not really a recipe for a healthy relationship.

I get what you are saying, but in fact I am not comfortable with a model for my son where he seems mom doing all of the cooking and cleaning from morning until night, and runs the household, and her job is 24/7 while dad is off the clock once he gets in the door. I do all the cleaning-I have a really nicely kept house. Our sink doesn't have dirty dishes in it, our counters aren't sticky, our floors are swept, we always have clean clothes, our bathroom towels are always fresh, our cars are tidy, DS's toys are nicely kept and rotated, our bills are paid and paperwork is in order, our taxes are filed, etc. Before we had a kid, DH would go out for a breakfast burrito on Saturday, while I spent an hour on cleaning. I'm not resentful, I love having a nice guest-ready house, and so does DH. We often have guests over. But aside from cooking, I pretty much do everything, and I actually think DS should see dad doing some household stuff as well. DH isn't a natural cleaner-upper, so I don't think he's going to all of a sudden pitch in more on that front.

[Anonymous]

I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's one thing to let him prepare his own meals. It's another thing if there isn't enough food in the house for him to do that. It has taken me longer than it should have to realize that if I bought more protein items at the store, meal prep becomes a lot easier. Get some deli meats and sliced cheese so he can make a sandwich. Frozen chicken fingers are quick to prepare and can hang out in the freezer for months. We eat eggs for any meal of the day. A ham, egg, and cheese sandwich is loved by everyone in our house. Canned tuna or chicken makes a great salad (that can be put on bread or a green salad).

Sometimes I have a hot meal waiting, sometimes I'm overwhelmed (3 boys) and dh has to fend for himself when he comes home. Sometimes, dh will text me on his way out to say he skipped lunch and it would be great if I had something ready for him when he got home. I will make him the ham-egg-cheese sandwich (5 minutes) or toss some chicken fingers in the toaster oven if I don't have anything else to make.

Omg that would make me mad! Hey hon, I know I'm kid free all-day and you are home alone with THREE KIDS, but I mismanaged my time, so please make me some dinner.

[Anonymous]

Yes I think it is. I had a SAHM growing up and dinner was on the table at 6pm every night. I think SAHMs should do everything home related as to not take time away from family time when the working person is home. Lots of guys take advantage of this too and are really lazy, but that's a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think more broadly about the example you're setting for your child here. You're showing him that marriage isn't about working together, trying to be good to each other, etc., it's about staking out what you want to be responsible for and then refusing to go outside of it for the benefit of your marriage or your household. That's not really a recipe for a healthy relationship.

I get what you are saying, but in fact I am not comfortable with a model for my son where he seems mom doing all of the cooking and cleaning from morning until night, and runs the household, and her job is 24/7 while dad is off the clock once he gets in the door. I do all the cleaning-I have a really nicely kept house. Our sink doesn't have dirty dishes in it, our counters aren't sticky, our floors are swept, we always have clean clothes, our bathroom towels are always fresh, our cars are tidy, DS's toys are nicely kept and rotated, our bills are paid and paperwork is in order, our taxes are filed, etc. Before we had a kid, DH would go out for a breakfast burrito on Saturday, while I spent an hour on cleaning. I'm not resentful, I love having a nice guest-ready house, and so does DH. We often have guests over. But aside from cooking, I pretty much do everything, and I actually think DS should see dad doing some household stuff as well. DH isn't a natural cleaner-upper, so I don't think he's going to all of a sudden pitch in more on that front.

If you watch a kid AND keep the house looking that tidy w/o any help from dh - yeah, he can help with the cooking. In our house, dh helps with the laundry.