How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is
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Anonymous
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There are lots of tacky parents out there. My niece has Downs Syndrome-so a really obvious disability but is a super sweet kid. A few months ago, some asshole parent invited every girl in the class to a party at the American Girl store except her. She was the only girl not invited.
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Anonymous
This is a good line but it only works for kids who have friends. 
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Anonymous
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I vaguely remember inviting myself to a classmate's BD party at the age of 5. I think I overheard his mom extending the invitation to another child's mother and remembered the details (address, date). I remember my mom wondering why was not she given any information, but I convinced her that I am, in fact, invited. I actually believed I was invited, although I was not even friends with the birthday boy. So mom and I showed up with a gift at their door only to find out that the party ended 3 hours ago and all the other guests from our class were boys.
So maybe, Larla did not invite your son, but he overheard other kids talking about the party. The whole situation is heartbreaking, and I would email and ask as PP suggested. In the worst case scenario you just won't hear back. |
Anonymous
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BTDT parent here. I tend to be honest with my kid - "I'm sorry honey. I'm sure Larla thought you were invited but you weren't. So, you won't be going." I don't plan a special alternative - but then, I have three kids and an already busy schedule and, frankly, this sort of thing happens repeatedly for some kids, including one of mine. Yes, it's disappointing for him and I wish it wasn't. I am gentle with him when I give him the bad news. But, I figure that at some point he needs to understand the social issues - you have to be invited, invitations come through letter or evite, not everyone gets invited to everything, and sometimes people make mistakes by telling you that their mom sent an invitation when she did not. And, I cannot (and will not) make up for every non-invite or disappointment by taking my son out on a date.
I only have one kid that is still in the birthday party age range and I can say that the disappointment of not being invited is not a long lasting issue. In fact, I am the one who remembers them, not my son. OP, I'm sorry. I hope this is not the start of an experience you will face repeatedly. But, given that it might be, one thing I would suggest is that you not set yourself up for the expectation that you will be able to fix it. |
Anonymous
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I'm a mom with a SN kid and NT kids. I would definitely call, or email if I was more shy. If you want to be low-pressure, Just say "dd said that larla invited him to her party, but we didn't get an invite, and I just wanted to make sure it didn't get lost. If DD was wrong about the invite, don't worry about it--I just hate not to respond to an invite!". She can always respond "so sorry--we couldnt invite everyone!". But I'm a somewhat flawed mother who has great difficulty in making sure that I've included every email when doing an evite. It is not inconceivable that I would accidentally skip one or two, particularly if I end up with multiple emails (like a mom and a dad) for one child, confusing my count. I would feel absolutely horrible if my spaciness contributed to a child's unhappiness.
Also, OP, if you do go...stay even if other moms drop off. Best to be there to manage situations before they become problems. |
Anonymous
I'm so sorry  Maybe you could cultivate friends for him/her? I would try concentrating my efforts on kids with similar issues (maybe meet parents through support groups), nice families (I'd try the families who invite everyone first), people that you have something obvious in common with (religion, ethnic group, similar career field, etc), kids with similar interests/in same activities. If there's no clear cut people, I'd try inviting kids that seem nice (maybe ask the teacher for recommendations) and see who sticks (whose parents reciprocate or maybe, whose parents want free babysitting  ). My oldest is socially awkward and I've had to actively help him make friends. I also roleplay with him to practice what to do in different situations...how to say hi, how to join a group, how to take turns in a conversation, how to make eye contact. Many social skills are teachable. Good luck.
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Anonymous
| Not the OPs situation... But we just had my sons 8th birthday. Small school, everyone in his grade was invited. I used evite. He kept telling me his friend Kate wanted to go but her mom didn't know the details. I ended up emailing all the people that had not responded on evite - a very nice note that evites sometime end up in spam, so here's the party details. One mom emailed me back that she was not on the evite and they were busy. I didn't respond - I didn't know what to say. We've always invited the entire class, and she has come before. I double checked evite and her email was on the list. |
Anonymous
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That's weird.
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Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
My husband just asked why I was scowling at my phone. I was reading this post. That is really awful |
Anonymous
Yeah, I agree. That's just shameful. |
Anonymous
| Ugh. Yeah... That is super crappy. That's why at this age, we invite everyone. Why teach your child to discriminate? When kids are older and it's about having special bonds with special friends, I might reconsider my policy. But how can you go wrong with rolling out the welcome met... Sorry if my child's flapping and spinning will ruin your party! Poor you! |
Anonymous
| Is there a third party mom you know who could ask? Someone who knows the other mom and can get the "yes/no" without you having to call directly? |
Anonymous
See up thread. The OP already had a friend check the list. |
Anonymous
| If your name does not show up on the e-vite, he was not invited. Just do something fun with him. |