How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

[Anonymous]

I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

[Anonymous]

No. She unintentionally said something dumb because she wasn't thinking and then felt bad about it, per the poster's description. She's not obligated to invite you, she didn't mention it on purpose to make you feel bad. Why is this a big deal?


A 6 year old may not remember who he/she invited to a party, an adult should know better.

Maybe so, but everyone makes mistakes and you are going to have a happier life if you can forgive people rather than being miserable about it.

[Anonymous]

I find this heartbreaking actually. I read this thread a few hours ago and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. My children are roughly the same age.

The schools my kids have attended have put out notices at the start of the year "either have a very small gathering, or please invite everyone in class" via the PTA, about party invitations. Its a good policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

How do you do your kid's birthday?

[Anonymous]

Our daughter and SIL with twin girls in different kindergarten classes specifically invited a couple of kids each from daycare years, a couple of long-term friends and a couple of kids each from their classes. The total was like under 20 and for a bowling party. The girls did pretty well in not mentioning it. It is hard to say what to do because after the first year in school they will be mixed with other kids by first grade and you can't have two first grade classes. But I do think an Evite with all the names out there for anyone to look at is NOT THE WAY TO GO IF IT IS A BIG PARTY UNLESS ALL THE KIDS IN THE CLASS ARE INCLUDED. And having a special needs daughter, I might ask a parent or older sibling of a SN kid to maybe come to see how it is going or to be a pair of "helping hands." Sure it is work for the SN parent, but it is a way to show you are accommodating and want to make it work for all concerned. One successful party will be a big step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this heartbreaking actually. I read this thread a few hours ago and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. My children are roughly the same age.

The schools my kids have attended have put out notices at the start of the year "either have a very small gathering, or please invite everyone in class" via the PTA, about party invitations. Its a good policy.

I have been thinking about that little girl with DS excluded from the AG party for days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This thread has been very eye opening.

I now have more sympathy for parents who can't invite everyone and have to deal with the awkwardness of moms who call or e-mail them to ask if they forgot to invite their kid. Awkward...

I can't really blame them if they don't respond to those phone calls or e-mails because the other parent put them on the spot--even though the inquiring parent emphasizes that they will understand if their kid really wasn't invited.

While it might be OK to double check with friends and family, it is distasteful to poke social acquaintances.

This misrepresents the situation here. This isn't a mom just calling/emailing out of the blue -- this is the result of a child having been told by the birthday girl that he is invited.

Yeah, it's distasteful -- for everyone. But guess what, sometimes adults have to step up and be adults and deal with situations kids create. If you don't want to get the occasional call about a situation your kid created, don't have kids.

It's weird that so many people are focused on the host mother's feelings much more than the 6-year-old boy's. A invitation to a boy can be ignored without consequences, but a mom can't handle a phone call? Good grief.

Yes this is the issue for me. You want to exclude six year olds from Larla's amazing party, fine be a bitch, but when Larla invites the unpopular kid herself and creates confusion on her own, it's up to you to put on your big girl panties and explain the lack of invitation.

I think people are just pushing back against this because if you only exclude a few kids from a six year old's party, it is obvious you are kind of just being a jerk, and people do not like to be confronted out in the open with the fact that they are being jerks.

There are people on here saying a six year old doesn't have the power to issue an invitation, but to another six year old, they obviously do. Moreover, emails get typed in wrong all the time and as lots of people here have reported, it could just be a legitimate mistake.

My kid was excluded from a K party and I didn't check with the host or make a fuss. But I think all the people crying that the excluding mom can't be asked to answer a simple question -- because it wouldn't be polite!!! -- are just wrong. Hey if you want to be a bitch over Larla's party, fine, but you're not so above it all that you cannot be asked a simple question. Sheesh.

Or consider that the parent has no idea who this kid is that her little Larla is talking about is unpopular or has special needs and has no idea that her DD has now invited this kid to her party. Believe it or not the minute details of an elementary school child's life are not that interesting and most parents aren't that vested in the drama of a 1st grade classroom as relayed by their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This thread has been very eye opening.

I now have more sympathy for parents who can't invite everyone and have to deal with the awkwardness of moms who call or e-mail them to ask if they forgot to invite their kid. Awkward...

I can't really blame them if they don't respond to those phone calls or e-mails because the other parent put them on the spot--even though the inquiring parent emphasizes that they will understand if their kid really wasn't invited.

While it might be OK to double check with friends and family, it is distasteful to poke social acquaintances.

This misrepresents the situation here. This isn't a mom just calling/emailing out of the blue -- this is the result of a child having been told by the birthday girl that he is invited.

Yeah, it's distasteful -- for everyone. But guess what, sometimes adults have to step up and be adults and deal with situations kids create. If you don't want to get the occasional call about a situation your kid created, don't have kids.

It's weird that so many people are focused on the host mother's feelings much more than the 6-year-old boy's. A invitation to a boy can be ignored without consequences, but a mom can't handle a phone call? Good grief.

Yes this is the issue for me. You want to exclude six year olds from Larla's amazing party, fine be a bitch, but when Larla invites the unpopular kid herself and creates confusion on her own, it's up to you to put on your big girl panties and explain the lack of invitation.

I think people are just pushing back against this because if you only exclude a few kids from a six year old's party, it is obvious you are kind of just being a jerk, and people do not like to be confronted out in the open with the fact that they are being jerks.

There are people on here saying a six year old doesn't have the power to issue an invitation, but to another six year old, they obviously do. Moreover, emails get typed in wrong all the time and as lots of people here have reported, it could just be a legitimate mistake.

My kid was excluded from a K party and I didn't check with the host or make a fuss. But I think all the people crying that the excluding mom can't be asked to answer a simple question -- because it wouldn't be polite!!! -- are just wrong. Hey if you want to be a bitch over Larla's party, fine, but you're not so above it all that you cannot be asked a simple question. Sheesh.

Or consider that the parent has no idea who this kid is that her little Larla is talking about is unpopular or has special needs and has no idea that her DD has now invited this kid to her party. Believe it or not the minute details of an elementary school child's life are not that interesting and most parents aren't that vested in the drama of a 1st grade classroom as relayed by their child.

But if you invited most of the K class to Larla's party except a few kids, as OP has been told, that's not what's going on. You either left just a few kids off by mistake -- or totally on purpose. Believe it or not, it won't kill you to take a simple phone call to sort it out.

[Anonymous]

PS: If you think it MIGHT actually kill you to take such a phone call, be a little more careful and considerate when you issue your invitations next year.

[Anonymous]

My family didn't have a lot of money growing up but my Mom's rule was you invite every girl in the class to the party. Our house was small but we managed. I am so thankful that my Mom raised me that way. Her attitude was that you either have a couple of kids or all the girls/boys or entire class. I have taught my kids what my Mom taught me from a very young age. Compassion and kindness go a long way in this world. Neither of my children have SNs but my brother, nephew, and cousins do. I talk very matter of factly with my kids about how some kids have different learning styles, different behaviors, growth rates, needs, etc. and that they should treat everyone with respect and the way they want to be treated. My kids would have invited everyone to the American Girl store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

Who are you to tell anyone who to invite to their birthday party? Seriously...I am SN myself and sure it hurts when you aren't invited - but honestly, that's just life. Sometimes you're in. Sometimes you're out. I deserve the right to invite to my party whoever I want there...not whoever society/the school/my neighborhood/my family/etc. thinks I should be inviting. People seem to constantly forget one thing: A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example? I think it is VERY important to teach children that when someone has their birthday it is about showing that person how much you like them and how happy you are that they were born...and it is NOT about whether or not you are invited to their party.

This is equal for NT and SN children.

[Anonymous]

A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

I'm sorry, but I don't agree. Yes, the birthday party is about the birthday child, but they still need to try treat other people well (both for other people and to become a good person), and as little kids they may need some help doing it. No, you certainly don't have to invite the whole class, but excluding just a few people is mean (unless the children not invited have been physically violent or cruel to the birthday child, in which case they need to be excluded for the child's well being).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

Who are you to tell anyone who to invite to their birthday party? Seriously...I am SN myself and sure it hurts when you aren't invited - but honestly, that's just life. Sometimes you're in. Sometimes you're out. I deserve the right to invite to my party whoever I want there...not whoever society/the school/my neighborhood/my family/etc. thinks I should be inviting. People seem to constantly forget one thing: A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example? I think it is VERY important to teach children that when someone has their birthday it is about showing that person how much you like them and how happy you are that they were born...and it is NOT about whether or not you are invited to their party.

This is equal for NT and SN children.

Wow, you must be raising completely spoiled brats. I can't imagine thinking that a social event is all about one person, birthday party or otherwise.

Did you also conclude that your wedding was "all about you" and go all bridezilla?

[Anonymous]

How much do you spend on party for everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

Who are you to tell anyone who to invite to their birthday party? Seriously...I am SN myself and sure it hurts when you aren't invited - but honestly, that's just life. Sometimes you're in. Sometimes you're out. I deserve the right to invite to my party whoever I want there...not whoever society/the school/my neighborhood/my family/etc. thinks I should be inviting. People seem to constantly forget one thing: A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example? I think it is VERY important to teach children that when someone has their birthday it is about showing that person how much you like them and how happy you are that they were born...and it is NOT about whether or not you are invited to their party.

This is equal for NT and SN children.

Wow, you must be raising completely spoiled brats. I can't imagine thinking that a social event is all about one person, birthday party or otherwise.

Did you also conclude that your wedding was "all about you" and go all bridezilla?

I didn't say anywhere that birthday children can behave badly, treat their guests badly or anything the like. I referred solely to birthday children (and their parents if they are super young) being the only ones entitled to decide who will attend the birthday party. I referred to nothing else but that.