How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

Who are you to tell anyone who to invite to their birthday party? Seriously...I am SN myself and sure it hurts when you aren't invited - but honestly, that's just life. Sometimes you're in. Sometimes you're out. I deserve the right to invite to my party whoever I want there...not whoever society/the school/my neighborhood/my family/etc. thinks I should be inviting. People seem to constantly forget one thing: A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example? I think it is VERY important to teach children that when someone has their birthday it is about showing that person how much you like them and how happy you are that they were born...and it is NOT about whether or not you are invited to their party.

This is equal for NT and SN children.

Wow, you must be raising completely spoiled brats. I can't imagine thinking that a social event is all about one person, birthday party or otherwise.

Did you also conclude that your wedding was "all about you" and go all bridezilla?

Was about to say the same thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

Who are you to tell anyone who to invite to their birthday party? Seriously...I am SN myself and sure it hurts when you aren't invited - but honestly, that's just life. Sometimes you're in. Sometimes you're out. I deserve the right to invite to my party whoever I want there...not whoever society/the school/my neighborhood/my family/etc. thinks I should be inviting. People seem to constantly forget one thing: A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example? I think it is VERY important to teach children that when someone has their birthday it is about showing that person how much you like them and how happy you are that they were born...and it is NOT about whether or not you are invited to their party.

This is equal for NT and SN children.

Wow, you must be raising completely spoiled brats. I can't imagine thinking that a social event is all about one person, birthday party or otherwise.

Did you also conclude that your wedding was "all about you" and go all bridezilla?

I didn't say anywhere that birthday children can behave badly, treat their guests badly or anything the like. I referred solely to birthday children (and their parents if they are super young) being the only ones entitled to decide who will attend the birthday party. I referred to nothing else but that.

Inviting the whole class except a few kids IS behaving badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

Who are you to tell anyone who to invite to their birthday party? Seriously...I am SN myself and sure it hurts when you aren't invited - but honestly, that's just life. Sometimes you're in. Sometimes you're out. I deserve the right to invite to my party whoever I want there...not whoever society/the school/my neighborhood/my family/etc. thinks I should be inviting. People seem to constantly forget one thing: A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example? I think it is VERY important to teach children that when someone has their birthday it is about showing that person how much you like them and how happy you are that they were born...and it is NOT about whether or not you are invited to their party.

This is equal for NT and SN children.

Wow, you must be raising completely spoiled brats. I can't imagine thinking that a social event is all about one person, birthday party or otherwise.

Did you also conclude that your wedding was "all about you" and go all bridezilla?

I didn't say anywhere that birthday children can behave badly, treat their guests badly or anything the like. I referred solely to birthday children (and their parents if they are super young) being the only ones entitled to decide who will attend the birthday party. I referred to nothing else but that.

Inviting the whole class except a few kids IS behaving badly.

This whole tangent is off-point because the birthday child has repeatedly expressed that they want the OP's child there. So, in this case, doing what the birthday child wants, and being nice to the OP's kid, point to the same conclusion.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Update??

[Anonymous]

Not OP.

But from now on, if I can tell from the evite that most of the class has been invited except a few kids, we're not going.

[Anonymous]

What happened to inviting the same number of guests, that your child is celebrating?

Five year old birthday = Five guests

So simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened to inviting the same number of guests, that your child is celebrating?

Five year old birthday = Five guests

So simple.

Because if your kid is 5 but has 6 friends they want to invite this rule is arbitrary and useless.

There's 3 acceptable ways to do this:

1. You invite all the boys or all the girls.
2. You invite the whole class.
3. You invite only 1-2 from the class, privately, and tell your kid do not blab about it to others.

It is never okay to invite 25/28 or whatever. That's rude and you're asking for hurt feelings aNd misunderstandings like this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to inviting the same number of guests, that your child is celebrating?

Five year old birthday = Five guests

So simple.

Because if your kid is 5 but has 6 friends they want to invite this rule is arbitrary and useless.

There's 3 acceptable ways to do this:

1. You invite all the boys or all the girls.
2. You invite the whole class.
3. You invite only 1-2 from the class, privately, and tell your kid do not blab about it to others.

It is never okay to invite 25/28 or whatever. That's rude and you're asking for hurt feelings aNd misunderstandings like this one.

I know- what happened to simple good manners? What if I had a gathering of parents at my house and invited everyone except one or two sets of parents in the class? How obnoxious! It would not need to be explained-- all of the adults, invited or not, would instinctively understand that this shows extremely poor manners. If I invited one or two of the parents that I am close to out for dinner or coffee that is fine. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP.

But from now on, if I can tell from the evite that most of the class has been invited except a few kids, we're not going.

But how would you know, unless you know each of the names of everyone in the class? Ds was recently invited to a bday party with an evite and there were like 20 kids on there and only one of the kids was someone in his class. The birthday boy was in a different class. But the point is, I think the party guests were from school, sports, previous classmates etc. Not everyone was in the boys class.

Also, I do my child's invites and I invite kids that are not in his class. But my ds has smallish parties. Never more than 10 kids (ds included).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to inviting the same number of guests, that your child is celebrating?

Five year old birthday = Five guests

So simple.

Because if your kid is 5 but has 6 friends they want to invite this rule is arbitrary and useless.

There's 3 acceptable ways to do this:

1. You invite all the boys or all the girls.
2. You invite the whole class.


3. You invite only 1-2 from the class, privately, and tell your kid do not blab about it to others.

It is never okay to invite 25/28 or whatever. That's rude and you're asking for hurt feelings aNd misunderstandings like this one.

Perhaps allow your five year old to begin learning the difference between a classmate and a friend? Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to inviting the same number of guests, that your child is celebrating?

Five year old birthday = Five guests

So simple.

Because if your kid is 5 but has 6 friends they want to invite this rule is arbitrary and useless.

There's 3 acceptable ways to do this:

1. You invite all the boys or all the girls.
2. You invite the whole class.


3. You invite only 1-2 from the class, privately, and tell your kid do not blab about it to others.

It is never okay to invite 25/28 or whatever. That's rude and you're asking for hurt feelings aNd misunderstandings like this one.

Perhaps allow your five year old to begin learning the difference between a classmate and a friend? Why not?

Spoken like someone who has an 18 year old or a 6 month old. There is nobody on the planet to whom birthdays are more exciting and important than 5 year olds. It's not exactly the best venue for "life lessons" especially if the life lesson is YOU ONLY GET FIVE FRIENDS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

Who are you to tell anyone who to invite to their birthday party? Seriously...I am SN myself and sure it hurts when you aren't invited - but honestly, that's just life. Sometimes you're in. Sometimes you're out. I deserve the right to invite to my party whoever I want there...not whoever society/the school/my neighborhood/my family/etc. thinks I should be inviting. People seem to constantly forget one thing: A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example? I think it is VERY important to teach children that when someone has their birthday it is about showing that person how much you like them and how happy you are that they were born...and it is NOT about whether or not you are invited to their party.

This is equal for NT and SN children.

Wow, you must be raising completely spoiled brats. I can't imagine thinking that a social event is all about one person, birthday party or otherwise.

Did you also conclude that your wedding was "all about you" and go all bridezilla?

+1000

Freaking narcissism at it's finest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened to inviting the same number of guests, that your child is celebrating?

Five year old birthday = Five guests

So simple.

Because if your kid is 5 but has 6 friends they want to invite this rule is arbitrary and useless.

There's 3 acceptable ways to do this:

1. You invite all the boys or all the girls.
2. You invite the whole class.


3. You invite only 1-2 from the class, privately, and tell your kid do not blab about it to others.

It is never okay to invite 25/28 or whatever. That's rude and you're asking for hurt feelings aNd misunderstandings like this one.

Perhaps allow your five year old to begin learning the difference between a classmate and a friend? Why not?

Spoken like someone who has an 18 year old or a 6 month old. There is nobody on the planet to whom birthdays are more exciting and important than 5 year olds. It's not exactly the best venue for "life lessons" especially if the life lesson is YOU ONLY GET FIVE FRIENDS.

"Less is More" is especially important with our five year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP.

But from now on, if I can tell from the evite that most of the class has been invited except a few kids, we're not going.

But how would you know, unless you know each of the names of everyone in the class? Ds was recently invited to a bday party with an evite and there were like 20 kids on there and only one of the kids was someone in his class. The birthday boy was in a different class. But the point is, I think the party guests were from school, sports, previous classmates etc. Not everyone was in the boys class.

Also, I do my child's invites and I invite kids that are not in his class. But my ds has smallish parties. Never more than 10 kids (ds included).

I don't have any problem with someone who invites kids from outside the class, or just invites a few kids from the class to the party. Just with someone who invites say 20 of 25 classmates to the party. If the evite lists people's names or emails and/or guest responses I would probably be able to tell, since we have a class email list. I could probably tell just by looking at the number of people invited and a minute of checking out the evite list. I also volunteer in class and know who the special needs kids are, so if their names were missing but a bunch of other kids from the class were invited I would know that something might be up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a sad thing is that parents of NT kids don't understand how hard it is for SN kids to be liked and to fit in, when they so desperately want to! My child genuinely wants friends and likes other children. He sometimes acts "weird" and doesn't express his interest the right way. He's not a behavior-issues child.

It's just sad that some parents have to make pre-k parties and early elementary parties into exclusive events. I get that finances may limit the number of children you can invite. Please be decent and keep it small to your budget with just a few best buddies or invite everyone.

Who are you to tell anyone who to invite to their birthday party? Seriously...I am SN myself and sure it hurts when you aren't invited - but honestly, that's just life. Sometimes you're in. Sometimes you're out. I deserve the right to invite to my party whoever I want there...not whoever society/the school/my neighborhood/my family/etc. thinks I should be inviting. People seem to constantly forget one thing: A birthday party is about NOBODY else but the birthday child. I have to repeat that because people always disregard this fact. A birthday party is all about the birthday child.

If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example? I think it is VERY important to teach children that when someone has their birthday it is about showing that person how much you like them and how happy you are that they were born...and it is NOT about whether or not you are invited to their party.

This is equal for NT and SN children.

Wow, you must be raising completely spoiled brats. I can't imagine thinking that a social event is all about one person, birthday party or otherwise.

Did you also conclude that your wedding was "all about you" and go all bridezilla?

New to the party here, but I have to say I see the go-all-bridezilla attitude most clearly...in the unwarranted attacks by the latest PP. The previous PP has some very good points:

"If your child loves a birthday child - why not show that in a different way than having to attend a party?! Why doesn't your child draw a picture for the birthday child and bring it to school on their birthday to gift it to them for example?"

"This is equal for NT and SN children."