How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a similar situation (SN child insisting NT child invited her to a party). I really did not know what to do. I emailed the other mom, like, hey-Larla invited my dc to her birthday party and I was just checking to see if she was on the guest list-no big deal either way just let me know!

She never replied to my email :/.

Can't believe you did that. If your kid was invited, you would have had an invitation.

The birthday child invited her child, though.

[Anonymous]

I think this thread is showing up on hot topics or something-lots of non-SN moms putting in their two cents.

Kind of a philosophical question, really: When is a birthday invitation actually an invitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a similar situation (SN child insisting NT child invited her to a party). I really did not know what to do. I emailed the other mom, like, hey-Larla invited my dc to her birthday party and I was just checking to see if she was on the guest list-no big deal either way just let me know!

She never replied to my email :/.

Can't believe you did that. If your kid was invited, you would have had an invitation.

I disagree. I think email is the right way to handle this. Less awkward than the phone and her child was personally invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a similar situation (SN child insisting NT child invited her to a party). I really did not know what to do. I emailed the other mom, like, hey-Larla invited my dc to her birthday party and I was just checking to see if she was on the guest list-no big deal either way just let me know!

She never replied to my email :/.

Can't believe you did that. If your kid was invited, you would have had an invitation.

I totally disagree. Reread what she typed to the mom in question - it was perfectly gracious. I'd much rather make a mom i don't know feel slightly uncomfortable for maybe 5 seconds and get an answer one way or another than just let my child flounder and get hurt by something that can possibly be addressed. It works both ways, too -- if this ever happens with my child talking to kids at school about her party, I absolutely would want the parents to call me and ask - and yep I would do whatever it takes to include their kids.

I'm also 100% in the "we invite everyone" camp. Exclusionary behavior hurts others and sows the seeds for my child to be excluded later in life. It will happen no matter what, and thats something she will experience and grow from, but I'm not going to water and fertilize those seeds. And besides, that's not how we conduct ourselves in our family.

[Anonymous]

ugh, this is why at the preschool I worked at, we had a classroom policy where kids couldn't talk about birthday parties unless everyone was invited. Hard to enforce but I think it is a good idea for parents who don't want to invite the whole class to coach their child to not talk about it at school.

I am sorry OP, I wish I had more advice but I like the idea of trying to set up a play date!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am thinking of taking the advice from many PPs and planning a special outing and using some of the language this PP wrote to explain things. This is a very gentle but very clear way to explain how the world of party invites work. I'm sure there will still be a lot of tears but he is going to have to learn it sooner or later.

I can't say I blame the mother, even if she did invite everyone in the class except DS. She seems like a nice person who has great kids and while DS is always very sweet and well behaved at parties she has no way of knowing that may be worried he would spoil the fun for the rest of the kids.

Anonymous wrote: I have this exact situation. I acted like it was no big deal. I said we haven't received an invitation and that's OK because some kids feel more comfortable having smaller parties. I reminded her of smaller parties she attended where not everyone was invited.

My child insisted she was invited. I said the next time her friend asks about coming to her birthday party just say you didn't receive an invitation, but you hope she has a wonderful birthday. I figure if it's an oversite an evite will come soon and if it isn't then it's a lesson for DD. It's OK not to be invited. Sometimes people will talk about parties in front of you. I explained I don't think her friend was being mean. I think sometimes families have to limit the amount of kids they invite due to space/costs, even though they want to invite everyone their child wants there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell my son that we have other plans for that day (and can't go to Larla's party) and then tell him what the fun plans are..."today we're going to try out the bounce house we saw last summer!" Something exciting.

This is what we did when this happened to us. I didn't know it was so common!

[Anonymous]

Is he really the only one not invited?!????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a similar situation (SN child insisting NT child invited her to a party). I really did not know what to do. I emailed the other mom, like, hey-Larla invited my dc to her birthday party and I was just checking to see if she was on the guest list-no big deal either way just let me know!

She never replied to my email :/.

Can't believe you did that. If your kid was invited, you would have had an invitation.

The birthday child invited her child, though.

There is the problem. Minor children require a parent's approval.

[Anonymous]

It's a birthday party, not a contractual obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our SN son who is in an inclusion classroom in 1st grade has been talking a lot about his classmate Larla's upcoming birthday party. Larla is an amazingly sweet child who is very warm and caring to my son despite his issues. He says Larla invited him several times and I'm sure she did since he had the date and the venue.

Unfortunately he was actually not invited. Another parent who is a friend checked the Evite and our son was not on the list so there's no chance of a misplaced email or something.

I have been hoping DS would forget about the party but he can read the calendar and knows it's coming up. Plus it's likely Larla will be talking about it at some point in class after she has had the party as she is a very talkative girl.

What should I do? Should I tell him up front that he's not invited and that you don't always get invited to everything? Seems kind of young for that kind of talk and in his mind he was invited by the girl even though the mother did not include him. Should I schedule a trip to go out of town on that weekend so that I can tell him we wouldn't be able to go anyway? He may throw a fit but we could cheer him up by going to visit our in-laws or something like that.

Funny, I'm dealing with this exact issue as we speak. only DS is in 6th. heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

OP, you impress me. You seem really calm and smart and able to navigate this tricky situation quite well. (I'm less mature so I will just go ahead and say, I dislike the other mom for doing something so heartless.)

[Anonymous]

Everyone in the class was invited but your son? Jesus H.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't ask, but that's just me. Would probably tell son he wasn't invited, but don't take it personal. You'll get to a point, too, where you just want your closest friends at your party. Then I'd make plans for the weekend so he didn't think about it.

[Anonymous]

PP again. If this family invited the entire class except him, they are jack asses and you don't want to be associated with.