How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 17:21 your story makes me so angry. What kind of mother does that? If I got a call like that I would move heaven and earth to fit in an extra child even if it was difficult to do.

Yes, but then again, it wasn't my party. My DC has moved on -- I take these things more personally than necessary.

[Anonymous]

I have had a similar situation (SN child insisting NT child invited her to a party). I really did not know what to do. I emailed the other mom, like, hey-Larla invited my dc to her birthday party and I was just checking to see if she was on the guest list-no big deal either way just let me know!

She never replied to my email :/.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's tough, my NT child has come home thinking she was invited to a party because a classmate has invited her, but she wasn't. Sometimes, kids just talk.

It's hard to let your kids down, SN or not- maybe you could take your child out for a special day on the day of the party?

+1000 It seems kind of desperate to corner a mom by asking her if your child was actually invited.

17:21. It was desperate and ineffective.

[Anonymous]

This happened to a friend of mine. She called the mother and asked why her daughter wasn't invited and the mother said it's a birthday party not a babysitting party. She then said your kid is out of control and I didn't feel like ruining my kid's party because your kid misbehaves.

As shocking as this sounds, it was true. Her daughter was a hard one to be around.

Do something special with your child that day.

[Anonymous]

What a witch. There must have been a nicer way to say that.

Anonymous wrote:This happened to a friend of mine. She called the mother and asked why her daughter wasn't invited and the mother said it's a birthday party not a babysitting party. She then said your kid is out of control and I didn't feel like ruining my kid's party because your kid misbehaves.

As shocking as this sounds, it was true. Her daughter was a hard one to be around.

Do something special with your child that day.

[Anonymous]

I do not have a SN kid. But my kid has been left off of party lists in which I'd have thought he'd be invited. It always uncomfortably comes up when some innocent mutual friend asks if your kid is going. One time, the mutual friend insisted over and over and over that it must have been an e-mail mistake and that of course, my kid had to be invited. She urged me to call. I did. That was a mistake. He was not invited. It was uncomfortable. I cried. The other mom apologized and felt bad. It was awkward.

Always there is some rule that the mom uses to determine the invite list: only close friends, only friends in these specific groups, only friends of families they are close too, only friends who have had their kid over for a personal playdate, only same gender, only whatever etc. But the point is, they know who they want to invite and come up with the "rule" after the fact.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'd assume he's not been invited. If your son wants, I'd invite the girl over for a playdate. Maybe if the mom knew that your kids truly liked each other, she'd invite you next year. Maybe not. Life is stinky. In the past, we've invited the whole grade. It's been too many kids, but I'd rather err on the side of being inclusive. We're just getting into the age where no one does that anymore and so, I'm not sure what to do now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I'd call the mom and say, "Larla has invited my son to her party, but we haven't gotten the details yet."

Yes, I would do it.

What would you do when the mom said, "Oh, that's funny. Larla told me that your son kept asking about her birthday so she reluctantly told him when her party is. I'm sorry if he misunderstood and thought he was invited."?

Because that's a possibility.

[Anonymous]

I have this exact situation. I acted like it was no big deal. I said we haven't received an invitation and that's OK because some kids feel more comfortable having smaller parties. I reminded her of smaller parties she attended where not everyone was invited.

My child insisted she was invited. I said the next time her friend asks about coming to her birthday party just say you didn't receive an invitation, but you hope she has a wonderful birthday. I figure if it's an oversite an evite will come soon and if it isn't then it's a lesson for DD. It's OK not to be invited. Sometimes people will talk about parties in front of you. I explained I don't think her friend was being mean. I think sometimes families have to limit the amount of kids they invite due to space/costs, even though they want to invite everyone their child wants there.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell my son that we have other plans for that day (and can't go to Larla's party) and then tell him what the fun plans are..."today we're going to try out the bounce house we saw last summer!" Something exciting.

[Anonymous]

I always invite the entire class. I know MoCo classes are large but it is cruel to leave a child out. If the OP called me or emailed, I would graciously invite her child. i still believe in everyone or no one.

Our problem is usually that only a few show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to a friend of mine. She called the mother and asked why her daughter wasn't invited and the mother said it's a birthday party not a babysitting party. She then said your kid is out of control and I didn't feel like ruining my kid's party because your kid misbehaves.

As shocking as this sounds, it was true. Her daughter was a hard one to be around.

Do something special with your child that day.

Ooof. I find it hard--very hard--to believe that a mom with a kid with behavior struggles would straight-up call and ask why her kid wasn't invited. *Unless* the child had invited her verbally at school or something. As the parent of a kid with "behaviors" I always assume we were excluded on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to Larlas mother. It may be that only girls were invited and that's why he was left off. Or that she dowes the know they are friends.
Fwiw, you will be told by others that it is rude. However, if it were my child's birthday and they had invited friends at school that weren't on the evite, I'd like to know and I would extend the invitation since the birthday child obviously wants their friend invited.

This happened to us. I called the mother to let her know the birthday child invited us. She was mortified
and then lied to say it was a small party for just family. It was several years ago and still makes me so sad.

You can call to see but I would make fun backup plans, as well. The girl sounds sweet --
Maybe invite her for a play date to celebrate her birthday again?

I'm so sorry. It is painful for parent and child.

Wow, I think it's rude that you called her and put her in such an awkward spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always invite the entire class. I know MoCo classes are large but it is cruel to leave a child out. If the OP called me or emailed, I would graciously invite her child. i still believe in everyone or no one.

Our problem is usually that only a few show up.

I always invite whoever my kids want, and never the whole class. I see your reasoning even though I disagree with it, but that won't work as your kids get older and friendships with specific kids deepen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had a similar situation (SN child insisting NT child invited her to a party). I really did not know what to do. I emailed the other mom, like, hey-Larla invited my dc to her birthday party and I was just checking to see if she was on the guest list-no big deal either way just let me know!

She never replied to my email :/.

Can't believe you did that. If your kid was invited, you would have had an invitation.

[Anonymous]

Is it really rude, though, if the kid was actually invited by the birthday child? That used to be the norm. Its one thing to just not be invited; the confusion is when the child is invited, but there is no paper invitation.

If another child invited my child over for a playdate, I would email the mom and say, "Your dc invited mine over for a playdate. We could host if that's easier for you-what days work blah blah blah."