How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

[Anonymous]

Our SN son who is in an inclusion classroom in 1st grade has been talking a lot about his classmate Larla's upcoming birthday party. Larla is an amazingly sweet child who is very warm and caring to my son despite his issues. He says Larla invited him several times and I'm sure she did since he had the date and the venue.

Unfortunately he was actually not invited. Another parent who is a friend checked the Evite and our son was not on the list so there's no chance of a misplaced email or something.

I have been hoping DS would forget about the party but he can read the calendar and knows it's coming up. Plus it's likely Larla will be talking about it at some point in class after she has had the party as she is a very talkative girl.

What should I do? Should I tell him up front that he's not invited and that you don't always get invited to everything? Seems kind of young for that kind of talk and in his mind he was invited by the girl even though the mother did not include him. Should I schedule a trip to go out of town on that weekend so that I can tell him we wouldn't be able to go anyway? He may throw a fit but we could cheer him up by going to visit our in-laws or something like that.

[Anonymous]

I'd call the mom and say, "Larla has invited my son to her party, but we haven't gotten the details yet."

Yes, I would do it.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to Larlas mother. It may be that only girls were invited and that's why he was left off. Or that she dowes the know they are friends.
Fwiw, you will be told by others that it is rude. However, if it were my child's birthday and they had invited friends at school that weren't on the evite, I'd like to know and I would extend the invitation since the birthday child obviously wants their friend invited.

[Anonymous]

^ does not know know they are friends...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to Larlas mother. It may be that only girls were invited and that's why he was left off. Or that she dowes the know they are friends.
Fwiw, you will be told by others that it is rude. However, if it were my child's birthday and they had invited friends at school that weren't on the evite, I'd like to know and I would extend the invitation since the birthday child obviously wants their friend invited.

I would talk to the mom. It might have been an oversight.

BTW, been there in terms of not getting an invite many, many times and having to explain it. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

OP here. You gals are so ballsy. I wish I could be that mom. I'm not sure I have the courage to do that. It's definitely a co-ed party and my friend didn't check the entire list against the class list but she said it looked like most of the class plus some friends from the other 1st grade classes.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. If Larla is like you said, then yes, I would speak to her mother. Perhaps her mom just didn't know that your son and Larla are friends.

[Anonymous]

That's tough, my NT child has come home thinking she was invited to a party because a classmate has invited her, but she wasn't. Sometimes, kids just talk.

It's hard to let your kids down, SN or not- maybe you could take your child out for a special day on the day of the party?

[Anonymous]

If I was the mom of the birthday child, and you made me aware of this situation, I'd be more than happy for your child to be invited. That's tough op. Can your friend that has the evite let the mom know?

[Anonymous]

PP, this is OP. I'm so sad for your DC and I think we're looking at a lot of years of that as well. What words do you use to try to minimize the sting? I know it will be awful no matter what you say but have you been able to present it in a more positive way?

Anonymous wrote:

BTW, been there in terms of not getting an invite many, many times and having to explain it. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to Larlas mother. It may be that only girls were invited and that's why he was left off. Or that she dowes the know they are friends.
Fwiw, you will be told by others that it is rude. However, if it were my child's birthday and they had invited friends at school that weren't on the evite, I'd like to know and I would extend the invitation since the birthday child obviously wants their friend invited.

This happened to us. I called the mother to let her know the birthday child invited us. She was mortified
and then lied to say it was a small party for just family. It was several years ago and still makes me so sad.

You can call to see but I would make fun backup plans, as well. The girl sounds sweet --
Maybe invite her for a play date to celebrate her birthday again?

I'm so sorry. It is painful for parent and child.

[Anonymous]

Jeez. 17:21. I wonder why she would lie right to you rather than just include one more kid. I honestly don't understand some people.

I am old enough to remember that most of my bday invites were word-of-mouth, no actual invitation handed out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's tough, my NT child has come home thinking she was invited to a party because a classmate has invited her, but she wasn't. Sometimes, kids just talk.

It's hard to let your kids down, SN or not- maybe you could take your child out for a special day on the day of the party?

+1000 It seems kind of desperate to corner a mom by asking her if your child was actually invited.

[Anonymous]

To 17:21 your story makes me so angry. What kind of mother does that? If I got a call like that I would move heaven and earth to fit in an extra child even if it was difficult to do.

[Anonymous]

I would make alternate plans for you and child - something special that will distract your child from the party. don't call the other parent. This happens with all kids sometimes. No need to make the other parent feel guilty or uncomfortable. Do something fun with your child instead.