If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a favorite Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan story. It could be completely fictional - but here goes -

President Reagan and Nancy Reagan were campaigning for his 2nd term. They visited Nancy's hometown on the campaign trail. A carpenter came and said hello to them. He had dated Nancy when she was young. Afterwards, Reagan teased her, "If you would have married him, you would have been the wife of a carpenter!". She replied , "No, if I would have married him, he would have been the President!"

You contribute to your husband's success. Behind every successful man is a woman , and vice versa. So, ladies, if he has been downgraded because he is no longer a "winner", then you have been downgraded as well. It is a partnership. Together you decide on what your goals are, and together you achieve it. You fail or succeed as a couple. You aim high, low or opt out of the rat-race as a couple as well. And you decide what you think is worth pursuing - as a couple!

You mean to say, "If you had married him" - not "if you would have married him."

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/blog/english-mistakes/if-i-would-have/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a favorite Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan story. It could be completely fictional - but here goes -

President Reagan and Nancy Reagan were campaigning for his 2nd term. They visited Nancy's hometown on the campaign trail. A carpenter came and said hello to them. He had dated Nancy when she was young. Afterwards, Reagan teased her, "If you would have married him, you would have been the wife of a carpenter!". She replied , "No, if I would have married him, he would have been the President!"

You contribute to your husband's success. Behind every successful man is a woman , and vice versa. So, ladies, if he has been downgraded because he is no longer a "winner", then you have been downgraded as well. It is a partnership. Together you decide on what your goals are, and together you achieve it. You fail or succeed as a couple. You aim high, low or opt out of the rat-race as a couple as well. And you decide what you think is worth pursuing - as a couple!

You mean to say, "If you had married him" - not "if you would have married him."

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/blog/english-mistakes/if-i-would-have/

NP. Was that necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

Dear OP, as a divorced woman do you really think that you are someone that an "alpha" male is going to marry? You're damaged goods, babe, and probably past your shelf life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH turned out to be less intelligent and profound than he seemed when we were dating. I am attracted to men who are smarter than me, and unfortunately he is not.
I am not going to divorce him.

As to the "winner", I don't care about that.

I can understand this if you were talking about a 3rd or 4th date. But you MARRIED the guy. Didn't you know him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

I think what you are saying is that your DH isn't bringing home the big money that you planned for him to earn, back when you were dating.

The issue is, back when you were dating, he was the same person that he is now. He has not "turned out" to be anything. He is who he is.

So if you divorce, you should be clear that it is because you don't want to be married to the person you chose of your own free will back then - because you want to be married to someone who makes more money than that person does.

Right?

Some people use the Checklist approach when choosing an SO, others of us just fall in love. I'm in the "fell in love" camp.

Personally, I think I was sex addled, but that's me.

[Anonymous]

Can anyone realize that the traits that have changed OP's DH into a Beta are probably coming out in other areas of their lives too? It's not just losing earning potential that makes someone less attractive...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me, the morphing of a 'winner' into a beta that had setback after setback. Over the course of 15 years or so.

I was prepared to stick it out, come whatever may, because I actually believed in the vows I took. Call me old-fashioned. Also, a change in health status seemed to play a part, and I felt bad for him. Still, it was really hard to watch a C-level guy with so. much. potential. slip into a professional near-failure. But I kept silent and was supportive, helpful, and tried to be kind.

Here's the weird part: he turned on ME. Everything that happened to him, it turns out, was my fault. I wasn't an enthusiastic enough sex partner. I didn't spend enough time on my appearance. I didn't contribute enough to the HHI. I was "lazy." I was a hick. I was pedantic. I was negative. I was fat. I was entitled. My family was stupid and fat and entitled.

So, we went our separate ways. My compassion and support is completely gone, as you might suspect.

See, I think there's a problem with the way the question is phrased. There was obviously something else going on with your husband in addition to not being successful professionally. If it's only a matter of my dh not making partner but still working hard and doing his share to support the family both financially and emotionally, it would be absurd to divorce him. To do that would only reveal how shallow and money-grubbing I am. But if there is something else going on like addiction or a nasty blaming personality that leads a person to do badly professionally, that's another matter altogether. Sounds like your husband was a real jerk, pp. Sorry you had to go through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a favorite Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan story. It could be completely fictional - but here goes -

President Reagan and Nancy Reagan were campaigning for his 2nd term. They visited Nancy's hometown on the campaign trail. A carpenter came and said hello to them. He had dated Nancy when she was young. Afterwards, Reagan teased her, "If you would have married him, you would have been the wife of a carpenter!". She replied , "No, if I would have married him, he would have been the President!"

You contribute to your husband's success. Behind every successful man is a woman , and vice versa. So, ladies, if he has been downgraded because he is no longer a "winner", then you have been downgraded as well. It is a partnership. Together you decide on what your goals are, and together you achieve it. You fail or succeed as a couple. You aim high, low or opt out of the rat-race as a couple as well. And you decide what you think is worth pursuing - as a couple!

You mean to say, "If you had married him" - not "if you would have married him."

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/blog/english-mistakes/if-i-would-have/

No, I mean to say exactly what I wrote. However, if it annoys you - I am very pleased. In fact, now I think I should post in as many threads as I can so that you are constantly annoyed!

And, the beauty of this exercise is that Jeff is not the grammar police, so he will not delete it!

Jackpot!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a favorite Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan story. It could be completely fictional - but here goes -

President Reagan and Nancy Reagan were campaigning for his 2nd term. They visited Nancy's hometown on the campaign trail. A carpenter came and said hello to them. He had dated Nancy when she was young. Afterwards, Reagan teased her, "If you would have married him, you would have been the wife of a carpenter!". She replied , "No, if I would have married him, he would have been the President!"

You contribute to your husband's success. Behind every successful man is a woman , and vice versa. So, ladies, if he has been downgraded because he is no longer a "winner", then you have been downgraded as well. It is a partnership. Together you decide on what your goals are, and together you achieve it. You fail or succeed as a couple. You aim high, low or opt out of the rat-race as a couple as well. And you decide what you think is worth pursuing - as a couple!

You mean to say, "If you had married him" - not "if you would have married him."

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/blog/english-mistakes/if-i-would-have/

No, I mean to say exactly what I wrote. However, if it annoys you - I am very pleased. In fact, now I think I should post in as many threads as I can so that you are constantly annoyed!

And, the beauty of this exercise is that Jeff is not the grammar police, so he will not delete it!

Jackpot!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a favorite Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan story. It could be completely fictional - but here goes -

President Reagan and Nancy Reagan were campaigning for his 2nd term. They visited Nancy's hometown on the campaign trail. A carpenter came and said hello to them. He had dated Nancy when she was young. Afterwards, Reagan teased her, "If you would have married him, you would have been the wife of a carpenter!". She replied , "No, if I would have married him, he would have been the President!"

You contribute to your husband's success. Behind every successful man is a woman , and vice versa. So, ladies, if he has been downgraded because he is no longer a "winner", then you have been downgraded as well. It is a partnership. Together you decide on what your goals are, and together you achieve it. You fail or succeed as a couple. You aim high, low or opt out of the rat-race as a couple as well. And you decide what you think is worth pursuing - as a couple!

You mean to say, "If you had married him" - not "if you would have married him."

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/blog/english-mistakes/if-i-would-have/

NP. Was that necessary?

NP here. No, it wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Back to the thread please...

[Anonymous]

Well, after years of this, I thought to myself: time to turn him in for a new one. The success we have been waiting for, it will never be. So I looked in the mirror for that hot girl that all the guys liked so much and who was so much fun -- always the pretty one. But my mother looked back at me -- tired, fat, older, and why looking so down? Then the kids said, mom, I am hungry. So I decided that we were well matched after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH at the age of 20, I just fell in love. It did not even cross my brain if he was alpha or his earing potential. As far as earning potential, we are truly a team and I've never though of him as someone who is required to support me. I've always thought that we would support US and that is how it has been.

In my case, my DH turned out to be a hard worker and moderately ambitious, but he puts family first so he will never be a c-level exec. He enjoys coaching sports teams and likes to be home early. We will "make do" on his 180K/yr salary and mine that is close behind.

I'm in it for life, going 17 years strong since the day we met.

180k salary is pretty successful in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, after years of this, I thought to myself: time to turn him in for a new one. The success we have been waiting for, it will never be. So I looked in the mirror for that hot girl that all the guys liked so much and who was so much fun -- always the pretty one. But my mother looked back at me -- tired, fat, older, and why looking so down? Then the kids said, mom, I am hungry. So I decided that we were well matched after all.

Beautifully put!

[Anonymous]

In general, I think people who talk about whether guys are "alpha" or not are complete douche-bags.

So go ahead, OP, divorce him. You deserve the loss of income and miserable, lonely middle age that is coming for you.