If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

[Anonymous]

If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

It depends on whether or not you are a whore.

[Anonymous]

I have actually known three women who did this! Three! So I expect some yeses here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

Uh, no. Do you remember those vows? If this is your level of commitment, then you were never ready for marriage in the first place. Also, learn to spell "male".

[Anonymous]

Wow, I know someone who supported her husband for 20 years. Now he has gone up a step to working part time. There has to be a happy medium between being used by a man and divorcing someone who is not "partner material." Both are wrong IMO.

[Anonymous]

Dh will always be "winner material" in my eyes, always has been. I can't see that changing, ever.

[Anonymous]

Why do I get this feeling that this was posted by a guy who wants to show how awful those womenfolk are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

I think what you are saying is that your DH isn't bringing home the big money that you planned for him to earn, back when you were dating.

The issue is, back when you were dating, he was the same person that he is now. He has not "turned out" to be anything. He is who he is.

So if you divorce, you should be clear that it is because you don't want to be married to the person you chose of your own free will back then - because you want to be married to someone who makes more money than that person does.

Right?

[Anonymous]

My DH is winner material and no one would ever mistake him for an "alpha" male. After ten years I can't believe how lucky i am!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

I think what you are saying is that your DH isn't bringing home the big money that you planned for him to earn, back when you were dating.

The issue is, back when you were dating, he was the same person that he is now. He has not "turned out" to be anything. He is who he is.

So if you divorce, you should be clear that it is because you don't want to be married to the person you chose of your own free will back then - because you want to be married to someone who makes more money than that person does.

Right?

Some people use the Checklist approach when choosing an SO, others of us just fall in love. I'm in the "fell in love" camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

I assume in this hypothetical, the spouse is still gainfully employed and not just sitting around all day doing nothing? I

[Anonymous]

No, I take my vows seriously. But if I had it to do all over again, then who knows? I can't see myself choosing someone for their status or earning potential, but I have a husband who is a great guy in all respects other than being a miserable (as in makes almost no money) provider. We make it work, but not gonna lie -- I would think twice if I knew then what I know now.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me, the morphing of a 'winner' into a beta that had setback after setback. Over the course of 15 years or so.

I was prepared to stick it out, come whatever may, because I actually believed in the vows I took. Call me old-fashioned. Also, a change in health status seemed to play a part, and I felt bad for him. Still, it was really hard to watch a C-level guy with so. much. potential. slip into a professional near-failure. But I kept silent and was supportive, helpful, and tried to be kind.

Here's the weird part: he turned on ME. Everything that happened to him, it turns out, was my fault. I wasn't an enthusiastic enough sex partner. I didn't spend enough time on my appearance. I didn't contribute enough to the HHI. I was "lazy." I was a hick. I was pedantic. I was negative. I was fat. I was entitled. My family was stupid and fat and entitled.

So, we went our separate ways. My compassion and support is completely gone, as you might suspect.

[Anonymous]

This is a weird question. I think I'd still be married if my husband was less Alpha and more family oriented. I suspect you have other issues in the relationship and are focuses on these as a perceived weakness.

If you married him for the right reasons, I don't think you would be asking these questions. If, however, you feel that marriage is more of a business partnership and he is not holding up his end of the bargain, I can see why you'd be frustrated. That concept is foreign to me -- but I suspect that it is more normal than I think it is.

[Anonymous]

No. I am not shallow.