If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I LOVE LOVE LOVE! reading stories about women who married on potential, only to see it crash and burn before their very eyes. You deserved it.[/quote

You're a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not the PP. But the older guy who pursued me when I was a year out of HS lied about his age at first - told me he was 3 years younger than he really was, which would have put him mid 20's. He was very persistent and I finally relented and went out w/him. By the time he admitted his real age to me we had been dating for (6?) months...and already pretty heavily involved. He told me that he felt bad about being dishonest about his age but figured I never would have gone out with him if I had known the truth. I thought I was dating a grad student, turned out he was an older undergrad...so more than a few lies there. And, yep, I kept seeing him even after he came clean about it all.

This is why you ALWAYS shave three years off your age when you're dating younger women. By the time you've been dating for six months and they find out the truth, they really don't care.

3 years doesn't seem like a lot but I was 19 at the time. There is a difference between being a 24 year old grad student and a 27/28 year old undergrad in his (9th? 10th? year of college). And HE knew it, that is why he lied to me about his age. I found out the truth only because one of his friends was bothered by it and told me about it at a fall party. I then confronted my boyfriend who fessed up to it all. We had just returned to college after spending a lot of time together over the summer break and getting quite serious - exclusive. I was in love.

So, yes, I would be leery about a guy who started off lying about his age because that might very well be only the tip of the iceberg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I view a partnership as fluid. There were no "rules" for us as far a earning potential goes.

-I had my first child and thought I wanted to go back to work. Baby came and I could not part with my baby. Though it was financially tough, my DH fully supported my desire to be at home. WE scaled back and made it work.
-I returned to work after 2 years because I felt OK leaving my child and was feeling more confident as a mother. My income quickly ramped up.
-After me working for a few years, my DHs job got miserable. THe poor man was so stressed out. He hated his job, his boss, he got backstabbed and went into a very dark place. It tore me apart to see my DH so miserable, but his sense of duty kept him going. Once day I could no longer see my DH suffer. I said FUCK THEM. Go in tomorrow and quit. Tell them you are the fuck out of there. He was shocked. He never considered quitting, he was "the man". However, my man's job was killing him. The next Monday he rolled in and put in his 2 weeks. It was such a relief. He took a month off from work, banged out a bunch of projects and really recharged himself. I was so proud and happy to give my DH the opportunity to walk away from his job and to carry the family for awhile while he recovered and found happiness again. He was back to work at a new 8 weeks after quitting.
-Now, I'm considering taking a "break" and starting my own business. For that my DH will have to carry the load while I get on my feet. He fully supports me.

So again, I do not see these roles are ridgid. They are fluid and we adapt as life happens.

I am jealous. My DH would turn into a panic-stricken puddle if I SAHM'd. I have 2 under 3, and work a lot. I miss both my babies terribly sometimes.

DH currently hates his job and wants to take an undefined "break." It sounds like the two of you are on the same wavelength. I thought we were too, but am realizing that we are not.

Facing our 10 year anniversary and am very unhappy right now.

I think we work well together because neither of us have any anxiety. We let rational thoughts drive our decisions. Anxiety can be like driving a car blind. Also, it is important to know that nothing stays the same. If one decides to SAH, it does not have to be permanent. That is not the rest of your life. I can tell you this, neither of us would be cool with one parent being a permanent SAH-a few years/months here and there, but no way for it to be a permanent lifestyle choice. However at the same time there are no timetables. When I was SAH for 2 years, I just knew it was time to go back. I was settled in, I had adjusted to our new life as parents, and it was time for me to grow in new ways.

I know this sounds nuts to some people, but we have a solid marriage, but still occasionally go to marriage counseling. Nobody is perfect and it helps to bring up issues that might be bubbling just at the surface or opens communication in ways that we never thought of. For instance, I tend to talk over my DH and did not realize that I would interrupt him when he was talking about his feelings and essentially tell him how he should be feeling. I'm not aware that I do that and have worked to be a better listener and stop my brain and mouth from jumping to conclusions.

Best of luck to you, remember it is an evolving process and right now with 2 under 3 you are completely in the trenches right now. You are at the peak of stress. There is probably not a tougher time in your marriage right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

Uh, no. Do you remember those vows? If this is your level of commitment, then you were never ready for marriage in the first place. Also, learn to spell "male".

Ditto!