If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general, I think people who talk about whether guys are "alpha" or not are complete douche-bags.

So go ahead, OP, divorce him. You deserve the loss of income and miserable, lonely middle age that is coming for you.

Agree. For those who doubt, check out Roissy's blog sometime. Or Roosh. Those who have to spend so much time trying to be "alpha" clearly aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have a favorite Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan story. It could be completely fictional - but here goes -

President Reagan and Nancy Reagan were campaigning for his 2nd term. They visited Nancy's hometown on the campaign trail. A carpenter came and said hello to them. He had dated Nancy when she was young. Afterwards, Reagan teased her, "If you would have married him, you would have been the wife of a carpenter!". She replied , "No, if I would have married him, he would have been the President!"

You contribute to your husband's success. Behind every successful man is a woman , and vice versa. So, ladies, if he has been downgraded because he is no longer a "winner", then you have been downgraded as well. It is a partnership. Together you decide on what your goals are, and together you achieve it. You fail or succeed as a couple. You aim high, low or opt out of the rat-race as a couple as well. And you decide what you think is worth pursuing - as a couple!


You mean to say, "If you had married him" - not "if you would have married him."

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/blog/english-mistakes/if-i-would-have/

Hobgoblin alert!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I met my DH at the age of 20, I just fell in love. It did not even cross my brain if he was alpha or his earing potential. As far as earning potential, we are truly a team and I've never though of him as someone who is required to support me. I've always thought that we would support US and that is how it has been.

In my case, my DH turned out to be a hard worker and moderately ambitious, but he puts family first so he will never be a c-level exec. He enjoys coaching sports teams and likes to be home early. We will "make do" on his 180K/yr salary and mine that is close behind.

I'm in it for life, going 17 years strong since the day we met.

180k salary is pretty successful in my book.

I think my DH is successful, don't get me wrong, but the question was about someone making partner. Clearly if someone was disappointed that their DH was a loser because he did not make partner, they would think my DH a huge loser. Partners make much more than my DH.

Frankly, I could never be married to a man who is married to his job, which is one of the reasons I work. If my DH were the primary earner, I would be he would have to work a heck of a lot more in a more stressful job. No thanks, I like having dinner each night with the whole family at 6PM.

[Anonymous]

Well, considering one of the things that made my husband stand out to me is because he wasn't one of the dime-a-dozen alpha male douche bags...

I also would never went to marry someone who was married to their job, honestly. No thank you. We work hard but we value out families and friendships above all else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

My husband as been under or unemployed for the 7+ years I've known him. I knew he was "behind" professionally and financially when we met, but I thought he had potential. I'm not so sure anymore. The more time that goes by, the more resentful I feel towards him and myself -- that I made such a poor choice in a partner.

DH is a terrific father to our toddler, he does more than his share of household upkeep, and he's one of the best persons I know in terms of character, generosity, integrity, etc. but all of this is overshadowed when I feel chronically stressed from the pressure of being the primary breadwinner. For this reason, I am no longer attracted to DH. I don't want or need a man to take care of me; I want a partnership where we are realizing our financial goals and dreams (college fund for DC, golden retirement, house, etc) together.

I feel lonely, depressed, and bleak about my future. I have no one to talk to about this, so I post anonymously on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a real man not some sorry pussy.

You sound like a guy. I have never in my life heard a woman use that word. You're a fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone man is alpha in some part of his life. It might be the important places (work, business) or it could be over his pet cat. I own a particularly rough business and make upper middle 6 figures, my wife stays home; my wife's friends husbands have said they all want to be like me, one reported having a man crush on me. A few of them are such fucking lightweights; the sense of entitlement is astounding, I can promise you that they've never worked a real hard day in their lives.
From their perspective I'm the alpha, but I feel like the beta when with them because of my lack of formal education. I outearn them but don't feel like I'm better or even equal to them.

I came from shit and work like a dog to give my wife and children everything I didn't have.
If I didn't make it to where I am and found out my wife was running me down I'd hit the door and leave her with scorched fucking earth.

Money is second to hard work, if your guy is lazy then you have every right to get on him, if he works hard and cares about whatever he does then you don't deserve him.

Amen, brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a real man not some sorry pussy.

You sound like a guy. I have never in my life heard a woman use that word. You're a fake.

Not PP, but i'm a woman and i use that word. I mean, not all the time, but i do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I have actually known three women who did this! Three! So I expect some yeses here."

Be careful about what you assume. I know there are people who assume that I did this, but the fact is there was a lot of bad stuff in the marriage that I didn't discuss.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH turned out to be less intelligent and profound than he seemed when we were dating. I am attracted to men who are smarter than me, and unfortunately he is not.
I am not going to divorce him.

As to the "winner", I don't care about that.

I can understand this if you were talking about a 3rd or 4th date. But you MARRIED the guy. Didn't you know him?

Yes, I married him. I am not saying that he is stupid - he is smart, kind, and generous. Over the years though I've noticed that instead of generating his own ideas and views, he just repeats ideas of others word-to-word and passes them as his own. Even his funniest jokes, turned out to be repeats! I am not too sharp myself, I guess, if I did not realize this prior to marrying him. I was always attracted to creative, well-rounded, independent thinkers, but these qualities are not the only ones that matter. My husband has many other amazing qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

My husband as been under or unemployed for the 7+ years I've known him. I knew he was "behind" professionally and financially when we met, but I thought he had potential. I'm not so sure anymore. The more time that goes by, the more resentful I feel towards him and myself -- that I made such a poor choice in a partner.

DH is a terrific father to our toddler, he does more than his share of household upkeep, and he's one of the best persons I know in terms of character, generosity, integrity, etc. but all of this is overshadowed when I feel chronically stressed from the pressure of being the primary breadwinner. For this reason, I am no longer attracted to DH. I don't want or need a man to take care of me; I want a partnership where we are realizing our financial goals and dreams (college fund for DC, golden retirement, house, etc) together.

I feel lonely, depressed, and bleak about my future. I have no one to talk to about this, so I post anonymously on DCUM.

DH here and I'm in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Both my husband and I were well established adults when we got married. We married each other knowing what that choice meant (the fabulous things and the more challenging things). We were both self-supporting adults with good credit records, stable work history, etc... and who looked for far more than a money train in deciding who and when to marry.

[Anonymous]

I think more people think like this than they will admit. I asked a friend of mine whos been married for ages for some tips when I got married and she deadpanned - " Marry someone who doesnt make you the primary breadwinner"

I laughed nervously but she really meant it. She is the primary earner in her family and although she and her husband have no plans to get divorced or any such thing, it does put a huge amount of stress on them.

It doesnt help that most of her peer group (me and other friends) have DHs who are the main breadwinner.

This is not so much about DH not making partner or being alpha male but just about putting financial stress on the woman in the marriage and her response to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think more people think like this than they will admit. I asked a friend of mine whos been married for ages for some tips when I got married and she deadpanned - " Marry someone who doesnt make you the primary breadwinner"

I laughed nervously but she really meant it. She is the primary earner in her family and although she and her husband have no plans to get divorced or any such thing, it does put a huge amount of stress on them.

It doesnt help that most of her peer group (me and other friends) have DHs who are the main breadwinner.

This is not so much about DH not making partner or being alpha male but just about putting financial stress on the woman in the marriage and her response to that.

Right, because the financial stress should be only on the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a real man not some sorry pussy.

You sound like a guy. I have never in my life heard a woman use that word. You're a fake.

Not PP, but i'm a woman and i use that word. I mean, not all the time, but i do.

That's one of the most misogynistic words of all time. Stop using it and see people as individuals, not labels.