If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

When I met my husband, we were seniors in college. He was a dirt poor single dad (due to an oops! college dorm hook up pregnancy).

I hope your "oops" stepson/daughter has acquired more of a personal role in your life than this description suggests.

Nice try. She is a very big part of our lives. But you're kind of a bitch!

Poster with the "oops" pregnancy husband. He actually sounds like a really good man. Seems he took responsibility for his child conceived in a casual relationship. Many men would have walked away from the situation. You have a decent DH.

Thank you, PP. The point of my mentioning it was that his prospects, as a teenage parent, were not very bright. It seemed to make sense in the context of this thread.

Wasn't "trying" anything, PP. Your description of the kid stands out. He/she is likely an older teen at this point with whom you share a good deal of history; referencing that kid as an accident due to a hook-up doesn't suggest that.

Also very glad that your DH stepped up to the plate, but that's what parents who conceive a child do. Statistics aside, we've really lowered the bar for decency if we're going to call this behavior extraordinary.

Well, you're wrong, but clearly something hit a raw nerve in you. Good luck with that, dear!

[Anonymous]

Well, you're wrong, but clearly something hit a raw nerve in you. Good luck with that, dear!

If it makes you feel better to think that, go for it. To state that kids don't want to be referred to as accidents isn't unreasonable. Additionally, as a culture we give way too much of a pass to men that father children early. To go on the assumption that a man would walk away, then give him credit for not doing so, undermines not only his future, but that of his child and the child's other parent. Remember that that "dorm hookup" also involved a young woman in college, possibly working toward her own future. The burden of responsibility for unprotected sex is a shared one. Is it expected that she would walk away as well? Probably not. In this age of blended families, these are points worth considering.

Something to think about as you move forward in your own blended family. Best of luck to you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

I think someone who doesn't know the difference between "mail" and "male" shouldn't have so much judgement

I think you mean "judgment."

You should be careful, living in that glass house of yours.

Judgement is an acceptable spelling for what you refer to as the word "judgment."

No, it's not in the United States.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, you're wrong, but clearly something hit a raw nerve in you. Good luck with that, dear!

If it makes you feel better to think that, go for it. To state that kids don't want to be referred to as accidents isn't unreasonable. Additionally, as a culture we give way too much of a pass to men that father children early. To go on the assumption that a man would walk away, then give him credit for not doing so, undermines not only his future, but that of his child and the child's other parent. Remember that that "dorm hookup" also involved a young woman in college, possibly working toward her own future. The burden of responsibility for unprotected sex is a shared one. Is it expected that she would walk away as well? Probably not. In this age of blended families, these are points worth considering.

Something to think about as you move forward in your own blended family. Best of luck to you as well.

You know what, PP? I was going to spend a lot of time and emotional energy to explain to you why your condescending assumptions are incorrect, but then I remembered this:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce? What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?

I think someone who doesn't know the difference between "mail" and "male" shouldn't have so much judgement

I think you mean "judgment."

You should be careful, living in that glass house of yours.

Judgement is an acceptable spelling for what you refer to as the word "judgment."

No, it isn't, unless you are in the UK.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judgment_(law)#Spelling

http://grammarist.com/spelling/judgment-judgement/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a favorite Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan story. It could be completely fictional - but here goes -

President Reagan and Nancy Reagan were campaigning for his 2nd term. They visited Nancy's hometown on the campaign trail. A carpenter came and said hello to them. He had dated Nancy when she was young. Afterwards, Reagan teased her, "If you would have married him, you would have been the wife of a carpenter!". She replied , "No, if I would have married him, he would have been the President!"

You contribute to your husband's success. Behind every successful man is a woman , and vice versa. So, ladies, if he has been downgraded because he is no longer a "winner", then you have been downgraded as well. It is a partnership. Together you decide on what your goals are, and together you achieve it. You fail or succeed as a couple. You aim high, low or opt out of the rat-race as a couple as well. And you decide what you think is worth pursuing - as a couple!

You mean to say, "If you had married him" - not "if you would have married him."

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/blog/english-mistakes/if-i-would-have/

No, I mean to say exactly what I wrote. However, if it annoys you - I am very pleased. In fact, now I think I should post in as many threads as I can so that you are constantly annoyed!

And, the beauty of this exercise is that Jeff is not the grammar police, so he will not delete it!

Jackpot!!

I don't think the poster was "annoyed" she was just correcting you. [b]Of course you meant to type what you wrote, you didn't know the correct way otherwise. Your snarky response wasn't the "gotcha"you think it is../b]

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a favorite Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan story. It could be completely fictional - but here goes -

President Reagan and Nancy Reagan were campaigning for his 2nd term. They visited Nancy's hometown on the campaign trail. A carpenter came and said hello to them. He had dated Nancy when she was young. Afterwards, Reagan teased her, "If you would have married him, you would have been the wife of a carpenter!". She replied , "No, if I would have married him, he would have been the President!"

You contribute to your husband's success. Behind every successful man is a woman , and vice versa. So, ladies, if he has been downgraded because he is no longer a "winner", then you have been downgraded as well. It is a partnership. Together you decide on what your goals are, and together you achieve it. You fail or succeed as a couple. You aim high, low or opt out of the rat-race as a couple as well. And you decide what you think is worth pursuing - as a couple!

You mean to say, "If you had married him" - not "if you would have married him."

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/blog/english-mistakes/if-i-would-have/

No, I mean to say exactly what I wrote. However, if it annoys you - I am very pleased. In fact, now I think I should post in as many threads as I can so that you are constantly annoyed!

And, the beauty of this exercise is that Jeff is not the grammar police, so he will not delete it!

Jackpot!!

I don't think the poster was "annoyed" she was just correcting you. Of course you meant to type what you wrote, you didn't know the correct way otherwise. Your snarky response wasn't the "gotcha"you think it is...

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was 20, he's 10 years older when we met. Maybe I took the experience of age for the sign of intelligence, but once I had these experiences myself, I stopped learning from him. In fact, I stopped initiating interesting conversations with him. Again, we are probably of equal intelligence, and in many was he's a better person than I am, but I am not curious about his thoughts anymore.

I don't mean this to sound shitty, but wasn't it a red flag that a 30 yo man was pursuing you two years out of high school?

Most guys would if they could

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, you're wrong, but clearly something hit a raw nerve in you. Good luck with that, dear!

If it makes you feel better to think that, go for it. To state that kids don't want to be referred to as accidents isn't unreasonable. Additionally, as a culture we give way too much of a pass to men that father children early. To go on the assumption that a man would walk away, then give him credit for not doing so, undermines not only his future, but that of his child and the child's other parent. Remember that that "dorm hookup" also involved a young woman in college, possibly working toward her own future. The burden of responsibility for unprotected sex is a shared one. Is it expected that she would walk away as well? Probably not. In this age of blended families, these are points worth considering.

Something to think about as you move forward in your own blended family. Best of luck to you as well.

You know what, PP? I was going to spend a lot of time and emotional energy to explain to you why your condescending assumptions are incorrect, but then I remembered this:

Yeah, I think it's best you let it go too.

[Anonymous]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE! reading stories about women who married on potential, only to see it crash and burn before their very eyes. You deserved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he is less materialistic than a I am.

A materialistic woman? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
+1!!! So many men would be lost without their wife's driving force.

This is a joke, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think more people think like this than they will admit. I asked a friend of mine whos been married for ages for some tips when I got married and she deadpanned - " Marry someone who doesnt make you the primary breadwinner"

But wait! I thought women wanted equality? Well, you got it, toots. Women: We want all the earning power of men without ANY of the responsibility for supporting a family!

Win fucking win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not the PP. But the older guy who pursued me when I was a year out of HS lied about his age at first - told me he was 3 years younger than he really was, which would have put him mid 20's. He was very persistent and I finally relented and went out w/him. By the time he admitted his real age to me we had been dating for (6?) months...and already pretty heavily involved. He told me that he felt bad about being dishonest about his age but figured I never would have gone out with him if I had known the truth. I thought I was dating a grad student, turned out he was an older undergrad...so more than a few lies there. And, yep, I kept seeing him even after he came clean about it all.

This is why you ALWAYS shave three years off your age when you're dating younger women. By the time you've been dating for six months and they find out the truth, they really don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is interesting and worthy of a separate thread. People you coddle, put up with, etc…and in the end they dump YOU. I had this happen with a longtime girlfriend (from high school through my late 30s). Super-high-maintenance. Was such an eye-opener when after years of placating her and dealing with her paranoias and moods, that she dumped me.

I had an aunt who was married to a man who did EVERYTHING for her. She sat around and whined, basically. He dropped dead about 6 years ago while carrying her suitcases. About two years ago, she was visiting, and unleashed a torrent of anger about "how dare he die on her" and how she hated him for that. Just couldn't believe my ears; no gratitude for the years of his service; just hostility that the service was stopped.

Typical. I hope you learned a valuable lesson on both accounts.