DD is extremely disappointed

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a lot of harsh posters! When DC was applying, we made it clear that unless a certain amount of FA were offered, it would not be possible. We were in a decent public school situation, so that was the plan otherwise. DC understood all this clearly. We went into it with a "who knows? let's see what happens" attitude. DC applied to four schools. Three waitlisted and our first choice school offered the necessary FA. So it was a happy story in the end but DC knew all along that the public was the original plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of feel like OP was more motivated by seeing how her DD would fare against the private school applicant crowd than by doing right by her daughter.

Probably. I knew a lot of moms like this in my hometown (unfortunately)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a lot of harsh posters! When DC was applying, we made it clear that unless a certain amount of FA were offered, it would not be possible. We were in a decent public school situation, so that was the plan otherwise. DC understood all this clearly. We went into it with a "who knows? let's see what happens" attitude. DC applied to four schools. Three waitlisted and our first choice school offered the necessary FA. So it was a happy story in the end but DC knew all along that the public was the original plan.

PP,
OP has written that she did not seek financial aid at all! She did not check her budget until her DD had already gone through the application process.
I think OP is enjoying herself.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the feedback: is there a reason that you feel the need to be so utterly ugly in your response to what I offered as well-intentioned remarks? What's melodramatic to you was really heartfelt from me. I've been in situations where my parents -- years ago -- set up situations on which we couldn't follow through. 12 year olds are pretty emotional: maybe I was channeling my 12 year old self. Who knows? What I do know is that your response is absolutely ugly and gratuitous at that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I am truly sorry this has happened to your family. I can only tell you that you've created a bit of a 'what if' situation here and there's no easy way out -- if she doesn't accept the offer, you and she will wonder 'what if' along almost every way (college admissions, grades, learning opportunities, etc.). If she goes and you make what will clearly be hard sacrifices, you and she and the rest of your family will bear a kind of resentment because of the things you won't be able to have due to the cost.

Having said that;
You're not a terrible person, but you also are clearly not fully in touch with what an independent school will cost (and it only gets worse -- there are a lot of hidden costs, etc.). If you are not prepared for this kind of sticker shock I don't think you'll find those other costs any easier to bear. Tell her -- PROMISE HER -- that you will work with her to set aside a certain amount of what you would have spent on tuition so that when it comes to colleges, you and she will have a little more breathing room (I am assuming you will be assisting with tuition -- perhaps not, and I would understand, for not everyone can do so).

She has learned from this. So have you. I am sorry it comes at such a cost.

Good luck.

You are so melodramatic. Lighten the fuck up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a lot of harsh posters! When DC was applying, we made it clear that unless a certain amount of FA were offered, it would not be possible. We were in a decent public school situation, so that was the plan otherwise. DC understood all this clearly. We went into it with a "who knows? let's see what happens" attitude. DC applied to four schools. Three waitlisted and our first choice school offered the necessary FA. So it was a happy story in the end but DC knew all along that the public was the original plan.

Your situation I understand but it doesn't seem like OP made it clear to her daughter that there were stipulations aside from acceptance. If it had been presented all along as a mere possibility on multiple levels then I would feel differently.

My DD is at a Catholic high school. She applied to and was accepted at 3 of them. One she knew would be a long shot financially without significant aid as it is much more $ than the others. The middle one was her clear first choice. The third was cheapest and she got a small scholarship, but it was clear her heart was at #2. It is a big stretch for us (no equity or stock savings) but it is a sacrifice we are willing to make for her. She is aware that we could have pushed her to #3 but didn't and she is showing us every day that she is not taking the opportunity for granted.

OP - I think your DD will bounce back from this but you still have a high school transition and a college transition to get through with her. Save future headaches and make sure you are very upfront with her about logistics BEFORE she starts applications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a lot of harsh posters! When DC was applying, we made it clear that unless a certain amount of FA were offered, it would not be possible. We were in a decent public school situation, so that was the plan otherwise. DC understood all this clearly. We went into it with a "who knows? let's see what happens" attitude. DC applied to four schools. Three waitlisted and our first choice school offered the necessary FA. So it was a happy story in the end but DC knew all along that the public was the original plan.

PP,
OP has written that she did not seek financial aid at all! She did not check her budget until her DD had already gone through the application process.
I think OP is enjoying herself.

OP sounds thoughtless and a bit sadistic... To her 12 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the feedback: is there a reason that you feel the need to be so utterly ugly in your response to what I offered as well-intentioned remarks? What's melodramatic to you was really heartfelt from me. I've been in situations where my parents -- years ago -- set up situations on which we couldn't follow through. 12 year olds are pretty emotional: maybe I was channeling my 12 year old self. Who knows? What I do know is that your response is absolutely ugly and gratuitous at that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I am truly sorry this has happened to your family. I can only tell you that you've created a bit of a 'what if' situation here and there's no easy way out -- if she doesn't accept the offer, you and she will wonder 'what if' along almost every way (college admissions, grades, learning opportunities, etc.). If she goes and you make what will clearly be hard sacrifices, you and she and the rest of your family will bear a kind of resentment because of the things you won't be able to have due to the cost.

Having said that;
You're not a terrible person, but you also are clearly not fully in touch with what an independent school will cost (and it only gets worse -- there are a lot of hidden costs, etc.). If you are not prepared for this kind of sticker shock I don't think you'll find those other costs any easier to bear. Tell her -- PROMISE HER -- that you will work with her to set aside a certain amount of what you would have spent on tuition so that when it comes to colleges, you and she will have a little more breathing room (I am assuming you will be assisting with tuition -- perhaps not, and I would understand, for not everyone can do so).

She has learned from this. So have you. I am sorry it comes at such a cost.

Good luck.

You are so melodramatic. Lighten the fuck up.

I didn't write the bolded above, but you did come across as pedantic and belaboring the obvious. You were also unnecessarily charitable to the OP, who casually presumed she could afford to send her child to private and made her jump through all the hoops, then told her she couldn't go after her daughter had made such a great effort. And is now telling us maybe she *can* go. Crazy-making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow you're an asshole OP. You should have done all of that BEFORE you made your daughter do all the work/get her hopes up. You owe her big time.

Jee thanks! But you are right, we should have really looked into it further. We thought we could just swing it.

Jew, Great job, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow you're an asshole OP. You should have done all of that BEFORE you made your daughter do all the work/get her hopes up. You owe her big time.

Jee thanks! But you are right, we should have really looked into it further. We thought we could just swing it.

Jew, Great job, OP.

Meant Jee.

[Anonymous]

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disney World, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disney World burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disney World, but it was getting pretty late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

See if there's FA.

I read that if you have equity, or savings and stocks...you don't get FA. Therefore I never applied. Deadline is now over.

Not true. Next time do your homework and go to the source -- the financial aid office. You sound like you fell off a turnip truck. Poor DD. She has more sense than mommy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She got accepted to our first choice private school but given our financial situation we are declining. We decided to keep her in public school, in a very good school district for middle school.
She has been crying and feels that she did all that hard work (practicing for SSAT, writing out essays, interviews etc) for nothing. I told her to think of it as a learning experience and that the more she does it the better prepared she will be for the future.

I can't help but feel bad for making her go through all this. I kind of wish I never put the thought of her attending a private school in her head. I regret going through the process and causing her this kind of disappointment.

Sweet Jesus - please tell me you are a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disney World, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disney World burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disney World, but it was getting pretty late.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a lot of harsh posters! When DC was applying, we made it clear that unless a certain amount of FA were offered, it would not be possible. We were in a decent public school situation, so that was the plan otherwise. DC understood all this clearly. We went into it with a "who knows? let's see what happens" attitude. DC applied to four schools. Three waitlisted and our first choice school offered the necessary FA. So it was a happy story in the end but DC knew all along that the public was the original plan.

Is this you,OP? If so, you posted later that you thought you wouldn't get financial aid and therefore did not apply. So, not only are you dumb but you lied to your DC. How awful.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP you fucked up.

After this, how do you expect your DD to take you seriously about school and education? You better hope she has the very intrinsic drive to succeed in school.

Telling her to do well in high school so she can go to a good college or a choice of colleges is easily going to be met with her saying "why bother doing well and getting in just for you to say sorry can't pay for it. too bad"