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Reply to "My ex is married and has a baby due any day now. We haven’t been broken up two years yet…"

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[quote=Anonymous]I know this hurts and that sucks. My male relative was about 24 when he got the woman he'd been dating exclusively a few months pregnant. He wasn't madly in love with her and he was nowhere near asking her to marry him. But he "did the right thing" and married her when she announced she was pregnant. Their marriage was rocky and not at all a happy one. He then doubled down on the bad moves and had a second child with her in the hope that it would improve things. It didn't. They divorced when the youngest was about 5. From what he says, she was constantly insecure about their relationship and was convinced that he wanted to be with other women. I think she must have known that he wouldn't have married her had she not been pregnant, and there was never going to be a way for him to convince her otherwise, especially since it was actually true.

I don't know anyone whose marriage worked well when it began under those circumstances. All this to say that I think you dodged a bullet. He wasn't in love with you in the way that a man needs to be in order to enter a lifetime commitment. Marriage is really hard, and it's way too hard to do with someone you're not 100% certain is your person. When you marry, it should be with someone who is head over heels in love with you and who would choose you whether you were pregnant or not.

My advice to you going forward is to not date anyone for more than 6-8 months unless you both feel that you are one another's potential spouse. (This is if you're 24+.) The longer you spend with someone who is not your forever person, the longer you delay finding your life partner.

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