Has anyone here successfully fixed a dead bedroom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

If she wanted to go the roommate route, then she could do roommate stuff. Pay 50% of the mortgage. Pay her car payment. Pay half the utilities. Pay half the house maintenance. Etc. Didn't turn out that way, thankfully. We had a much happier result, which is that I pay for everything, continue to do lots of chores around the house, and she's down to fkk.

It's simple but not easy.

What was her reaction when you laid it out as such?

Kind of like falling out of a canoe into cold water. At first there were the tears and the hyperventilating, but ultimately she realized that she had been stuck and this had to be fixed ASAP to move forward and not lose the life that she loved.

Sir kudos to you for being honest.

I literally cant be mad at the approach that worked for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

If she wanted to go the roommate route, then she could do roommate stuff. Pay 50% of the mortgage. Pay her car payment. Pay half the utilities. Pay half the house maintenance. Etc. Didn't turn out that way, thankfully. We had a much happier result, which is that I pay for everything, continue to do lots of chores around the house, and she's down to fkk.

It's simple but not easy.

So she didn’t need to do 50% of cooking, planning, cleaning or child rearing.

She just needed to pay you money/ bills or have sex with you more?

Hmmm

Bottom line, yes. We were already well partnered on the co-parenting stuff.

Frankly, I can afford to hire out all of the other things (cooking, cleaning, childcare) and still remain in polite society. What I cannot do is hire out the sex component. And I preferred not to anyway.

Women are delusional if they think their quirky personalities are worth a lifetime of financial support. Barring serious illness, if you aren't putting out then you are no longer a wife.

Sounds like she doesn’t work so likely should have called your bluff and done 50/50 plus child support and alimony.
You prob would have outsourced all kid development or care stuff and remarried quickly since sex is your priority. So really it would have been your mainly first batch of kids taking it on the chin.
Of course you still have time to do just that!

DP sounds like they worked it out and that bothers you so much for some reason. Why is that?

Unemployed sussed up ladies who lunch don’t bother anyone.

[Anonymous]

Troll + 10 sock puppet posts.

[Anonymous]

Got myself a second wife who loves sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

If she wanted to go the roommate route, then she could do roommate stuff. Pay 50% of the mortgage. Pay her car payment. Pay half the utilities. Pay half the house maintenance. Etc. Didn't turn out that way, thankfully. We had a much happier result, which is that I pay for everything, continue to do lots of chores around the house, and she's down to fkk.

It's simple but not easy.

What was her reaction when you laid it out as such?

Kind of like falling out of a canoe into cold water. At first there were the tears and the hyperventilating, but ultimately she realized that she had been stuck and this had to be fixed ASAP to move forward and not lose the life that she loved.

You’ve posted here before and you still sound like a psychopath. Your wife isn’t enjoying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Ooooh, threats like that would definitely get me interested in sexy time with you!!! Nothing quite like someone getting "mad as hell" and giving ultimatums about physical intimacy to fix a relationship...

Don't know what to tell you. We had done all the other things and we weren't getting unstuck. Things are back to normal now, and I wine, dine, compliment, and otherwise show warmth and affection like normal, and so does she. When you get stuck and try all the normal things then you're left with a desperate, potentially explosive option. Thankfully it worked.

You did nothing wrong. Women on this site (and im one) are clueless about this issue. I'm glad you have your marriage back.

Yeah women are totally clueless about the female sex drive.

No, but they are often clueless about the male sex drive, which is what I was ACTUALLY saying.

Bro, we all know that you just care about getting off and don’t care about having to coerce a woman into it. that’s not all men, but some men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got myself a second wife who loves sex

same, and in norway. we get kiddie care forever, for free!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

If she wanted to go the roommate route, then she could do roommate stuff. Pay 50% of the mortgage. Pay her car payment. Pay half the utilities. Pay half the house maintenance. Etc. Didn't turn out that way, thankfully. We had a much happier result, which is that I pay for everything, continue to do lots of chores around the house, and she's down to fkk.

It's simple but not easy.

So she didn’t need to do 50% of cooking, planning, cleaning or child rearing.

She just needed to pay you money/ bills or have sex with you more?

Hmmm

Bottom line, yes. We were already well partnered on the co-parenting stuff.

Frankly, I can afford to hire out all of the other things (cooking, cleaning, childcare) and still remain in polite society. What I cannot do is hire out the sex component. And I preferred not to anyway.

Women are delusional if they think their quirky personalities are worth a lifetime of financial support. Barring serious illness, if you aren't putting out then you are no longer a wife.

Sounds like she doesn’t work so likely should have called your bluff and done 50/50 plus child support and alimony.
You prob would have outsourced all kid development or care stuff and remarried quickly since sex is your priority. So really it would have been your mainly first batch of kids taking it on the chin.
Of course you still have time to do just that!

DP sounds like they worked it out and that bothers you so much for some reason. Why is that?

Unemployed sussed up ladies who lunch don’t bother anyone.

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

I hope they come for you in the comments 🤣🤣🤣😂😅😅

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the cause of the dead bedroom.
My husband is smart, funny, sexy, and I love him.
But I’m 52 with ZERO sex drive. There is no turning me on. There is no orgasm. I’ve been like this for a few years. I have thought about HRT and am on the fence about starting it as there are many risks.
We have sex every other week, sometimes more often. Only because I feel obligated to, not because I enjoy it because I don’t.
I would love to have the sex drive I had in my 30s.
I don’t know what the solution is. Men can get viagra but women have no options that don’t carry significant risks.

Doesn’t that make it worse though? I feel like when I force myself to out of obligation/expectation I feel so horrible I feel even less in the mood than ever. The “fake it til you make it” thing just doesn’t work for me. If I was the PP’s wife I think I would have suggested a hall pass or just having sex on demand and feeling awful until I could live with losing my kids 50 percent of the time.

The only thing that helps at all is
1) taking care of myself so I feel attractive (easier said than done- I used to be really pretty and I am aware I will never look that good again)
2) getting enough sleep
3) reading romance novels that are not terribly explicit but enough to remind me what fun sex can at least in theory be.

And then my husband had to make it through the day without yelling too badly at our kids. When he is a jerk to the kids I am so disgusted by him I absolutely can’t have sex.

Does he know this? Wait till they are teens, you’ll be yelling too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Ooooh, threats like that would definitely get me interested in sexy time with you!!! Nothing quite like someone getting "mad as hell" and giving ultimatums about physical intimacy to fix a relationship...

Don't know what to tell you. We had done all the other things and we weren't getting unstuck. Things are back to normal now, and I wine, dine, compliment, and otherwise show warmth and affection like normal, and so does she. When you get stuck and try all the normal things then you're left with a desperate, potentially explosive option. Thankfully it worked.

You did nothing wrong. Women on this site (and im one) are clueless about this issue. I'm glad you have your marriage back.

Yeah women are totally clueless about the female sex drive.

No, but they are often clueless about the male sex drive, which is what I was ACTUALLY saying.

Bro, we all know that you just care about getting off and don’t care about having to coerce a woman into it. that’s not all men, but some men.

Well I’m a woman and not the man you’re trying to argue with. Why women like you get married is still a mystery to me. Just be alone and celibate. Marriage is not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Ooooh, threats like that would definitely get me interested in sexy time with you!!! Nothing quite like someone getting "mad as hell" and giving ultimatums about physical intimacy to fix a relationship...

Don't know what to tell you. We had done all the other things and we weren't getting unstuck. Things are back to normal now, and I wine, dine, compliment, and otherwise show warmth and affection like normal, and so does she. When you get stuck and try all the normal things then you're left with a desperate, potentially explosive option. Thankfully it worked.

You did nothing wrong. Women on this site (and im one) are clueless about this issue. I'm glad you have your marriage back.

Yeah women are totally clueless about the female sex drive.

No, but they are often clueless about the male sex drive, which is what I was ACTUALLY saying.

Bro, we all know that you just care about getting off and don’t care about having to coerce a woman into it. that’s not all men, but some men.

Well I’m a woman and not the man you’re trying to argue with. Why women like you get married is still a mystery to me. Just be alone and celibate. Marriage is not for everyone.

Do you have a lot of bad sex you don’t want to have because your husband threatened to leave you if you didn’t? That sounds a lot worse to me than being divorced and celibate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Ooooh, threats like that would definitely get me interested in sexy time with you!!! Nothing quite like someone getting "mad as hell" and giving ultimatums about physical intimacy to fix a relationship...

Don't know what to tell you. We had done all the other things and we weren't getting unstuck. Things are back to normal now, and I wine, dine, compliment, and otherwise show warmth and affection like normal, and so does she. When you get stuck and try all the normal things then you're left with a desperate, potentially explosive option. Thankfully it worked.

You did nothing wrong. Women on this site (and im one) are clueless about this issue. I'm glad you have your marriage back.

Yeah women are totally clueless about the female sex drive.

No, but they are often clueless about the male sex drive, which is what I was ACTUALLY saying.

Bro, we all know that you just care about getting off and don’t care about having to coerce a woman into it. that’s not all men, but some men.

Well I’m a woman and not the man you’re trying to argue with. Why women like you get married is still a mystery to me. Just be alone and celibate. Marriage is not for everyone.

Do you have a lot of bad sex you don’t want to have because your husband threatened to leave you if you didn’t? That sounds a lot worse to me than being divorced and celibate.

I'm the PP who you are caricaturing. I did not threaten to leave. I told her that if this was to be a sexless relationship, then she would just be responsible for her half of the bills. And if she didn't want to do that, then she would indeed have to find elsewhere to live. Is that not fair? I appreciate her decorating flair and conversation and all that, but not so much that I'll fund her entire life for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

If she wanted to go the roommate route, then she could do roommate stuff. Pay 50% of the mortgage. Pay her car payment. Pay half the utilities. Pay half the house maintenance. Etc. Didn't turn out that way, thankfully. We had a much happier result, which is that I pay for everything, continue to do lots of chores around the house, and she's down to fkk.

It's simple but not easy.

What was her reaction when you laid it out as such?

Kind of like falling out of a canoe into cold water. At first there were the tears and the hyperventilating, but ultimately she realized that she had been stuck and this had to be fixed ASAP to move forward and not lose the life that she loved.

You’ve posted here before and you still sound like a psychopath. Your wife isn’t enjoying it.

..

NP I wished I had your balls earlier.,
I was too nice. We honestly had a 25 yr dead bedroom. Not until she wore me down so much that I couldn't get erect, then she became hurt thinking she was no longer attractive. She marched me to the Dr for T shots and V. First couple of weeks brought my noodle back to life. She went back to a dead bedroom in the first month, so I left and told her it wasn't happening this way any longer. You do your part or I'm gone. She perked up and been happy ever after for many years now. I just didn't have to balls to do it before since I had young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Ooooh, threats like that would definitely get me interested in sexy time with you!!! Nothing quite like someone getting "mad as hell" and giving ultimatums about physical intimacy to fix a relationship...

Don't know what to tell you. We had done all the other things and we weren't getting unstuck. Things are back to normal now, and I wine, dine, compliment, and otherwise show warmth and affection like normal, and so does she. When you get stuck and try all the normal things then you're left with a desperate, potentially explosive option. Thankfully it worked.

You did nothing wrong. Women on this site (and im one) are clueless about this issue. I'm glad you have your marriage back.

Yeah women are totally clueless about the female sex drive.

No, but they are often clueless about the male sex drive, which is what I was ACTUALLY saying.

Bro, we all know that you just care about getting off and don’t care about having to coerce a woman into it. that’s not all men, but some men.

Well I’m a woman and not the man you’re trying to argue with. Why women like you get married is still a mystery to me. Just be alone and celibate. Marriage is not for everyone.

Do you have a lot of bad sex you don’t want to have because your husband threatened to leave you if you didn’t? That sounds a lot worse to me than being divorced and celibate.

I'm the PP who you are caricaturing. I did not threaten to leave. I told her that if this was to be a sexless relationship, then she would just be responsible for her half of the bills. And if she didn't want to do that, then she would indeed have to find elsewhere to live. Is that not fair? I appreciate her decorating flair and conversation and all that, but not so much that I'll fund her entire life for it.

Yeah keep trying to convince us you’re a good guy pleasing his wife.