Has anyone here successfully fixed a dead bedroom?

[Anonymous]

I’m the cause of the dead bedroom.
My husband is smart, funny, sexy, and I love him.
But I’m 52 with ZERO sex drive. There is no turning me on. There is no orgasm. I’ve been like this for a few years. I have thought about HRT and am on the fence about starting it as there are many risks.
We have sex every other week, sometimes more often. Only because I feel obligated to, not because I enjoy it because I don’t.
I would love to have the sex drive I had in my 30s.
I don’t know what the solution is. Men can get viagra but women have no options that don’t carry significant risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

If she wanted to go the roommate route, then she could do roommate stuff. Pay 50% of the mortgage. Pay her car payment. Pay half the utilities. Pay half the house maintenance. Etc. Didn't turn out that way, thankfully. We had a much happier result, which is that I pay for everything, continue to do lots of chores around the house, and she's down to fkk.

It's simple but not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had put on a lot of weight and once I made a lot of effort to get back in shape he responded. He never complained about my weight but I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I had only lost about ten of the forty pounds I did lose but that alone got his attention. Losing the weight and getting very fit has made a big difference in our love life. He’s always been very fit and with both of us in very good shape our sex life is quite athletic!

Einstein is in the house

[Anonymous]

Yes, I changed to a different partner. It was helpful that I was single at the time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Ooooh, threats like that would definitely get me interested in sexy time with you!!! Nothing quite like someone getting "mad as hell" and giving ultimatums about physical intimacy to fix a relationship...

Yeah I'll bet you're a lot of fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Wow I bet she really enjoys it.

[Anonymous]

He quit drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Ooooh, threats like that would definitely get me interested in sexy time with you!!! Nothing quite like someone getting "mad as hell" and giving ultimatums about physical intimacy to fix a relationship...

Don't know what to tell you. We had done all the other things and we weren't getting unstuck. Things are back to normal now, and I wine, dine, compliment, and otherwise show warmth and affection like normal, and so does she. When you get stuck and try all the normal things then you're left with a desperate, potentially explosive option. Thankfully it worked.

You did nothing wrong. Women on this site (and im one) are clueless about this issue. I'm glad you have your marriage back.

Yeah women are totally clueless about the female sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the cause of the dead bedroom.
My husband is smart, funny, sexy, and I love him.
But I’m 52 with ZERO sex drive. There is no turning me on. There is no orgasm. I’ve been like this for a few years. I have thought about HRT and am on the fence about starting it as there are many risks.
We have sex every other week, sometimes more often. Only because I feel obligated to, not because I enjoy it because I don’t.
I would love to have the sex drive I had in my 30s.
I don’t know what the solution is. Men can get viagra but women have no options that don’t carry significant risks.

Pretend he's the next door neighbor or your boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

If she wanted to go the roommate route, then she could do roommate stuff. Pay 50% of the mortgage. Pay her car payment. Pay half the utilities. Pay half the house maintenance. Etc. Didn't turn out that way, thankfully. We had a much happier result, which is that I pay for everything, continue to do lots of chores around the house, and she's down to fkk.

It's simple but not easy.

I promise you she is not actually “down to fkk.” you basically rape her. ask yourself why this is a better solution to job than divorce.

[Anonymous]

I had a host of uterine complications that made sex very uncomfortable and painful for a number of years. I finally got a hysterectomy and then a tummy tuck to repair the damage my distended uterus had caused. We’re having fun again.

[Anonymous]

I sent him a link to some right wing men’s podcast where they were talking about not j**king off to improve your marriage. It was like a switch went off. Suddenly he was way more interested and giving me what I needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

Wow I bet she really enjoys it.

Turns out she does. We had a decade of great sex before getting stuck for a year. If you think your balding, paunchy partner who pathetically whimpers for more sex is the ideal, then I guess you got what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him I was leaving or getting a lover if he didn't get his act together.

DP, but same story. Her life is amazing, SAHM because she wants to be, lots of friends and hobby time, etc. We had a terrible year with no sex and I finally told her that fun time is over and we'll be moving to a 50/50 split on everything, and if she can't manage that then she gets kicked out of the house. Things are going great now, she just had to make contact with reality.

Get mad as hell and give your partner an ultimatum that you WILL carry out. Don't get suckered into forever counseling.

What’s that mean “if she can’t manage that”?

What were you trying to get her to do 50% of?

If she wanted to go the roommate route, then she could do roommate stuff. Pay 50% of the mortgage. Pay her car payment. Pay half the utilities. Pay half the house maintenance. Etc. Didn't turn out that way, thankfully. We had a much happier result, which is that I pay for everything, continue to do lots of chores around the house, and she's down to fkk.

It's simple but not easy.

I promise you she is not actually “down to fkk.” you basically rape her. ask yourself why this is a better solution to job than divorce.

We have kids. Otherwise a year would have been way too long to wait. But I don't hate my kids, so I didn't divorce their mother, and now we've figured it out.

As for "basically r*pe her". Well, you seem not to know what those words mean.