MIL parking across the street daily — tell DH?

[Anonymous]

I have a similar mom who has caused me a lifetime of emotional pain and turmoil. If I found peace with your situation like your husband seems to have done, I would not want my DH of 18 years to tell me she is doing this.
I would be very emotionally wounded and it would amplify my stress and sadness.

I would only tell him if he ever notices or mentions it or talks about her. And say it like “maybe I saw her?”

This is to protect your husbands heart, not to lie to him or keep secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go out and talk to her.

This. Say hello and go out and talk to her while she is sitting in the car.

That is simply rewarding unwanted behavior. No.
Yes, you must tell your husband. And document this. It’s creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar mom who has caused me a lifetime of emotional pain and turmoil. If I found peace with your situation like your husband seems to have done, I would not want my DH of 18 years to tell me she is doing this.
I would be very emotionally wounded and it would amplify my stress and sadness.

I would only tell him if he ever notices or mentions it or talks about her. And say it like “maybe I saw her?”

This is to protect your husbands heart, not to lie to him or keep secrets.

Best answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar mom who has caused me a lifetime of emotional pain and turmoil. If I found peace with your situation like your husband seems to have done, I would not want my DH of 18 years to tell me she is doing this.
I would be very emotionally wounded and it would amplify my stress and sadness.

I would only tell him if he ever notices or mentions it or talks about her. And say it like “maybe I saw her?”

This is to protect your husbands heart, not to lie to him or keep secrets.

Eh i would be pissed if my husband kept this from me. No secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go out and talk to her.

This. Say hello and go out and talk to her while she is sitting in the car.

That is simply rewarding unwanted behavior. No.
Yes, you must tell your husband. And document this. It’s creepy.

Nope. It would be catching her red handed and be embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

I think you should definitely tell him. Give him the facts, no opinions, and let him do what he wants with that information. I don't understand why you would withhold this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

What does this have to do with you? Are you emotionally mature? Do you treat your sons with respect? Do you plan to continue respecting them and their families into adulthood? Do you plan to be manipulative to get your way?

No? Then why are you sad for yourself?

I am and I do. Even if this MIL is emotionally immature and manipulative she still likely loves them. I am not saying this is normal or ok. Just sad. Makes me feel sad to think of not being in touch with my kids and their families (even though they are only in hs and college now.)

You should feel SAD for the son who has, for his entire life, had to deal with a mother like this. People don’t just abandon their parents, it takes a lifetime of HELL to get to this place, and you don’t get there lightly. You and your kids will be fine, because you ARE fine.

+100. DH finally went low contact with his mother, who is a master manipulator. He still talks to her, but she couldn’t wait to tell him she’d joined an instagram group for estranged parents of adult children. He’s like, “Mom, I’m literally sitting across from you having lunch that I initiated.” Some parents are sick narcissists.

[Anonymous]

I would tell my husband and we would just decide to ignore.

My guess is that she misses her child but lacks the emotional maturity to reach out and re-engage in a constructive way, and therefore seeks physical proximity to feel a connection. It's very sad for her, but given that prior attempts to reconnect have failed, I would not signal that you know she's doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take a pic of the car and send it to him. What is she like 80? What can she possibly do?

Hit him in the head with a pocketbook. Try to run him over. She could have a gun. Who knows? That’s why app should alert them

So that's why she shows up when she thinks they are not at home? What a vivid imagination you have.

We don’t know who the target is, we don’t know what she’s thinking. She could have been following Op around for weeks but never got a clear shot yet. She knows Op isn’t at work….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar mom who has caused me a lifetime of emotional pain and turmoil. If I found peace with your situation like your husband seems to have done, I would not want my DH of 18 years to tell me she is doing this.
I would be very emotionally wounded and it would amplify my stress and sadness.

I would only tell him if he ever notices or mentions it or talks about her. And say it like “maybe I saw her?”

This is to protect your husbands heart, not to lie to him or keep secrets.

Eh i would be pissed if my husband kept this from me. No secrets.

I would too. What if she's sick or something and dies? You'll have never told him. He should decide what to do next, even if it opens up wounds. No secrets in a marriage. You can help him process it but it's not your responsibility to decide if he should know.

[Anonymous]

Originally, I figured your MIL was hoping to see your DH, but it seems he works of the house M-F. To answer your question, I would tell my husband, but also ask him what I could do for him. Confront her or ignore.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd have my coffee on the front porch tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar mom who has caused me a lifetime of emotional pain and turmoil. If I found peace with your situation like your husband seems to have done, I would not want my DH of 18 years to tell me she is doing this.
I would be very emotionally wounded and it would amplify my stress and sadness.

I would only tell him if he ever notices or mentions it or talks about her. And say it like “maybe I saw her?”

This is to protect your husbands heart, not to lie to him or keep secrets.

Eh i would be pissed if my husband kept this from me. No secrets.

I would too. What if she's sick or something and dies? You'll have never told him. He should decide what to do next, even if it opens up wounds. No secrets in a marriage. You can help him process it but it's not your responsibility to decide if he should know.

If she’s sick and dying, she can man up and contact her son. DW wasn’t even supposed to be home, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar mom who has caused me a lifetime of emotional pain and turmoil. If I found peace with your situation like your husband seems to have done, I would not want my DH of 18 years to tell me she is doing this.
I would be very emotionally wounded and it would amplify my stress and sadness.

I would only tell him if he ever notices or mentions it or talks about her. And say it like “maybe I saw her?”

This is to protect your husbands heart, not to lie to him or keep secrets.

Eh i would be pissed if my husband kept this from me. No secrets.

+1
You don't get to decide what "protects" my heart by lying to me.

[Anonymous]

I would not say anything. It would just make your DH worried that he has to do something. The thing with personality disordered parents, moms in particular, is that the adult child will always feel guilt. If he has found his peace, let him be.