MIL parking across the street daily — tell DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m terribly sick and home this week and have been camped out in our front living room to avoid the rest of the house, which is how I noticed this.

On Monday morning, my MIL pulled up and parked across the street. She stayed in her car for a while (never got out), then left. The same thing happened yesterday. Just parks, sits, occasionally looks around, and leaves.

For context, DH and MIL had a falling out in late 2024 and haven’t really spoken since, other than brief texts around a family death and one time last summer when they tried, unsuccessfully, to reconnect. This estrangement has actually brought DH a lot of peace. It’s the calmest I’ve seen him about his family in nearly 30 years.

We both normally work during the day (including holidays like Presidents’ Day), so she would reasonably assume no one is home. Our kids are young adults and not living here full-time, so this doesn’t seem related to them.

If I weren’t home sick, I wouldn’t even know this was happening, which makes me wonder how long she may have been doing this without us realizing (and no, we don’t currently have a working Ring, but I think I will get on that this weekend).

I’m unsure whether to tell DH. On one hand, it feels like something he should know. On the other, it may be nothing and I don’t want to disrupt the peace he’s found if there’s no reason to.

Would you tell your spouse now, or wait to see if it escalates?

Did she come at the same time everyday or did you notice her around the same time? How long did she sit there? I would absolutely get cameras. There are nice to have anyway and pretty cheap/easy to install. If you know your neighbors well and ugh, ask them if they have cameras.

I’d also sign up for the service at the post office that shows you what mail is intended to be delivered to your house. Maybe do a credit check to make sure nothing unexpected has been opened in your names, if she’s financially irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m terribly sick and home this week and have been camped out in our front living room to avoid the rest of the house, which is how I noticed this.

On Monday morning, my MIL pulled up and parked across the street. She stayed in her car for a while (never got out), then left. The same thing happened yesterday. Just parks, sits, occasionally looks around, and leaves.

For context, DH and MIL had a falling out in late 2024 and haven’t really spoken since, other than brief texts around a family death and one time last summer when they tried, unsuccessfully, to reconnect. This estrangement has actually brought DH a lot of peace. It’s the calmest I’ve seen him about his family in nearly 30 years.

We both normally work during the day (including holidays like Presidents’ Day), so she would reasonably assume no one is home. Our kids are young adults and not living here full-time, so this doesn’t seem related to them.

If I weren’t home sick, I wouldn’t even know this was happening, which makes me wonder how long she may have been doing this without us realizing (and no, we don’t currently have a working Ring, but I think I will get on that this weekend).

I’m unsure whether to tell DH. On one hand, it feels like something he should know. On the other, it may be nothing and I don’t want to disrupt the peace he’s found if there’s no reason to.

Would you tell your spouse now, or wait to see if it escalates?

Did she come at the same time everyday or did you notice her around the same time? How long did she sit there? I would absolutely get cameras. There are nice to have anyway and pretty cheap/easy to install. If you know your neighbors well and ugh, ask them if they have cameras.

I’d also sign up for the service at the post office that shows you what mail is intended to be delivered to your house. Maybe do a credit check to make sure nothing unexpected has been opened in your names, if she’s financially irresponsible.

All good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't tell unless you have some reason to believe she's dangerous. I feel like this behavior - driving to the house and not getting out of the car or speaking to anyone - is much more sad than scary, given they haven't spoken in so long.

My DH is no-contact with his mother and I would tell him if this happened to us, but she has serious documented psychological diagnoses. If they didn't speak because of a political schism or argument over inheritance or him feeling like she didn't take accountability for something that happened in his childhood, I would treat it differently.

+1

Especially since he's been at peace. This will be unsettling and with little resolution.

[Anonymous]

OP - did she ever have a key to your house? Is she sneaky enough that she could have had a key made? Do you have an alarm system? There is a possibility that she goes into your house. She may wait until she sees both you and your husband are gone. Perhaps she was waiting there not because she thought you weren’t home but because she noticed that you were home?

[Anonymous]

My father used to do this to my mother after they divorced.
Then my sister kind of did the same thing to her kids after her divorce where the kids self-estranged from her.

It is an impulsive stalking behavior but they dont recognize it as such. Not sure what they are hoping for. Maybe a surprise ambush of the inhabitants where the inhabitants are happy to see them - a fantasy hope for the desperate. In any case very annoying and immature behavior from someone who doesn't know how to communicate in a positive constructive way. Again, I stress the word impulse here. Because there is no realistic plan behind this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband what his mother is doing
Then set up a security camera.

Your MIL is weird

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she financially stable? Is she stealing wifi?

This was the only plausibly innocent explanation I could think of.

Public libraries and fast food places and malls and lots of similar places have free Wi-Fi.

But everyone has access to that and it’s not safe for online banking. Presumably she has her son’s password and his is safe to use because random hackers won’t be on his WiFi to steal her banking info

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she financially stable? Is she stealing wifi?

This was the only plausibly innocent explanation I could think of.

Public libraries and fast food places and malls and lots of similar places have free Wi-Fi.

But everyone has access to that and it’s not safe for online banking. Presumably she has her son’s password and his is safe to use because random hackers won’t be on his WiFi to steal her banking info

So you think she's driving to her sons house almost daily, to sit outside and check her bank account on their wifi???

JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Order lunch delivered to her car.

This is hilarious and would also send a message that MIL is being absurd.

Don’t tell your DH. She can reach out to him directly, like an adult, or he can keep his peace of mind.

At some future date, ask him hypothetically how he’d want you to deal with situations like this or others involving his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to tell him. This is very strange behavior and he needs to know.

And I know he’ll ask you if you’re sure if it’s her. Did you happen to take a picture?

OP here. I did! My main concern is that this is some sort of manipulation attempt to get him to reach out. She has done this in the past, feigning medical emergencies, etc. I theorize she believes we have a working camera and may notice her and reach out asking why, or maybe hopes a neighbor notices and asks? Does that make sense?

If there was a real issue or emergency, wouldn’t she or someone else reach out to DH? It just feels manipulative somehow, I just know her too well.

Go with your gut. She’s manipulative and emotionally immature. Don’t feed the beast by reaching out to her. Install cameras and change locks or install smart locks if you think she is entering the house when you aren’t there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

+1 She is sad and in her own way, misses him. Imagine you, in her place OP, with your estranged adult kid and their spouse you out. I'm sure it could never happen, you say. But it might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she financially stable? Is she stealing wifi?

This was the only plausibly innocent explanation I could think of.

Public libraries and fast food places and malls and lots of similar places have free Wi-Fi.

But everyone has access to that and it’s not safe for online banking. Presumably she has her son’s password and his is safe to use because random hackers won’t be on his WiFi to steal her banking info

Do your parents/ILs have your WiFi password? Mine sure don't. I don't even know ours, it's written down on a piece of paper. She's certainly not there to bank. But yes, the strange part is to come when nobody is supposedly at home. It means she doesn't want to be found out. But what is she doing there is a mystery. If I'd wanted to say, get a glimpse of my adult child to make sure they're alive and we're estranged, I'd park near their office on the street.

[Anonymous]

I visit my hometown, usually for at least a month in summer. I go several times to the house I grew up in, and park across the street, I don’t get out and I try to be unobtrusive. It’s hard to articulate the feeling. I didn’t have a wonderful childhood but it’s the only way I feel I can connect with my father. I think MIL is doing something similar. She’s unable to have a relationship but she still longs for some connection.

I do think you should tell your husband. It’s his mother, and he has the right to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be fun to mess with her, like you could have different guys drop by the house so she thinks you are having an affair, lineup 100 Amazon boxes in your driveway so she thinks you are “spending all your husbands money”, rent a moving truck and park it in the driveway.

😩😩😩😆

Go out and put two lawn chairs in the spot where she's been parking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

+1 She is sad and in her own way, misses him. Imagine you, in her place OP, with your estranged adult kid and their spouse you out. I'm sure it could never happen, you say. But it might.

What is with this thread? This is not behavior to normalize. Lots of people feel sad without stalking their loved ones.